What should I do?
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 01:01 AM
My wife is fine with sex a few times a month; I'm not--definitely not.
We've been married for six years and my wife is as sexy as ever--when I pleasure myself I think of her. When we get to making love I never want to stop. She feels that twenty minutes or so is adequate.
I understand that the frequency of sex lessens after children, but our youngest is five; I'm expecting things to return to normal soon, but my wife doesn't appreciate my frustration. I've tried telling her, honestly and respectfully, that I need her loving in order to be satisfied--I'm wired like that. She kinda' laughs. I don't think she understands.
What can a man do to make a women understand that he needs her?
I can't overstate how saddened I am by this aspect of our marriage, but what can be done? I can't find a lover--haven't the conscience, or the lack of it I should say; I can't demand on the spot fellatio from mmy wife either--besides, that isn't what I want; I want her to be into me just a portion of how much I am into her.
Also, she climaxes about half of the time we haze sex--I mean back arching, toels curling, funny face climaxes. The other half, well, it doesn't always happen, but my point is that we are making it happen for each other, its just that the frequency is leaving me physically and emotionally starved.
Brothers and Sisters, what to do?
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 01:06 AM
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 01:43 AM
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 01:48 AM
It just seems to me that she isn't taking it seriously. I mean come ON, how hard is it to have sex? And trust me, I don't even come half the time and I get ansty if a few days go by and no sex.
A couple times a month isn't fair to you, IMO. You have physical needs. I mean, you aren't asking for daily marathons, right? Once or twice a week would be good? Or even once a week on a set day? Maybe explain to her that you aren't sex crazed, but just that you'd prefer it more often.
Can't say what amt of time after the birth of a child is normal, as every woman is different, but I'd say 5 years is a bit much.
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 01:52 AM
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 02:04 AM
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 02:10 AM
So, no expressed reason like "I've a headache." I suppose she is tired. But, forgive me if I sound a little insensitive, she can't be that tired! She stays home with the kids, which is very much indeed work, but to tired for sex? Hard for me to understand. And she does get a break when the kids go off to preschool.
And no, I don't demand a marathon--hour or so, everything said and done. 2-3 times a week would be nice. I shower, I've been known to be quite handsome from a certain angle and in a certain light, and my breath is minty fresh. What does a man gotta' do?
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 02:15 AM
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 02:16 AM
Well, did you have more of a 'normal' sex life before you had kids?
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 02:19 AM
foreign export said:
Nah, I meant like when you approached her about it. Like my bf doesn't like to be jumped when he walks in the door. He likes to wind down a bit first.
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 03:18 AM
Well, yes. Very normal I'd say. And very good.
As for timing, well, yes, I do suppose that's a factor, but our case might be the opposite: By the time we get to the time of the day when we can be alone, she is a little too relaxed; that is, alseep
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 05:02 AM
1. She needs to fully understand that communication is the key to resolving the problem. However she may not understand it. Guys sex drives are normally higher than females. When they aren't there may be something chemically imbalanced that prevents her from the need for sex. See a doctor.
2. In a well balanced sex life both must understand that intimacy is vital in a successful long term relationship. Men's needs are usually very basic. Food, sex and a stimulating partner. When these element wane the partnership will normally fall apart as well.
3. There is a chance that she may have lost interest in you. This could be part of the chemical imbalance or it may be deeper than that. Sex that is routine becomes boring. When you use your partner just to get off and overlook her needs it creates real problems. Not suggesting that this is the case! However, a partner needs to be treated like you are making love to her the first time. Spice things up a bit. Take her out. Go to a motel. Take vacations. Remember she has been taking care of a kid and may be tired at the end of the day.
If you can't get it resolved by yourself then seek a good counselor. Your doctor can direct you.
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 09:03 AM
So yeah, have a good heart-to-heart with her. Ask her if she'd 'like to take a walk' or w/e, make sure the talk isn't at a stressful time. Ask her what you can do to make her be more in the mood. I know that when my husband wanted sex, he didn't 'ask' for it the way I told him to. He would wait until we were in the bed to go to sleep and well, I was ready to go to sleep at that time, not be up another hour or hour and a half.
I ask him to give me clues during the day. A hug in the kitchen, a nice phone call, say something suggestive so I'd be more in the mood and maybe go to bed early. Because with me, it wasn't that I didn't want to do it, I just didn't want to do it when I was ready to sleep.