Girlfriend Trouble please help
Posted Sat Dec 03, 2011 08:39 AM
As time went alongI started realizing not everything was as it seemed. There have been so manythings that have gone on I have learn't to just accept them and I forget themost of them. But now everything has to be her way all the time, and everythingseems to be my responisbility. For example we don't live together but if Idon't put her washing on it becomes my fault and she gets in a huff with mesnaps at me all night etc. Or if I can't meet her at X time she will get a huffand with me and snap all night at me and push me away etc. I treat her a lot,but if she say she wants a take away I have to get it that night and pay for itand if I say I can't afford it etc she goes really mad at me, this also thesame with going to restraunts etc. I have to spend all my free time with hertending to her needs, otherwise she goes crazy with me.
Two friends of mineone male and one female have said to me thats it's very unfair(I didn’t askthey approached me). I'm also a bit of a sucker, because I save a lot while shespends every penny she has. Then when it comes to her bills for her place etcetc she cn't afford so I fork out money to pay it for her, and she promise meshe will pay it back. Its not just for bills its for many other things too.This has now gone on for years and she still hasn't paid me back. I now no Iwill never get it back, and we're talking easy over a grand now. Another thingis I have to buy her presents when she wants one, I'm not allowed to buy hertreats when I can afford and want to it has to be whenever she demands.
I really try hardto always please her but she only ever wants more and more. Not that she hascheated on me once, it was only a kiss(I think) but still its the principle,this hurt me but I just accepted it. The most of the time we're together she'sarguing with me to get everything her own way, and i'm really not happy.I’ve tried taking she says sorry and just acts the same the very next day timeand time again.
But here's theproblem, I just don't no why but I can't break up with her, there justsomething that stops me because I became so attached.
To add to this Ihave met another lady through a social network site, we really get on and sheseems to really like me and has said I'm handsome, sweet and lovely etc. I andI think she want to take things further. Now I cannot cheat I would never dothat, but I really do like this other person too she seems perfect and hassimilar tastes and style in most things unlike my current gf. So I really don'tno what to do at all and need help!!! When I say met we’re not dating orout we’re just friends talking at the moment, online.
And it's reallyhard for me too because the other lady doesn't no I have a gf at the moment,and I don't want to scare her away by saying I do, and I'm scared even if I sayI do but please give me a bit of time attempt to find the courage and end itwith my gf, while we get to now each other as close friends etc, she may stillrun a mile.
Very worried aboutscaring off the other lady!?!?!? How do I approach her let her no withoutscaring her off so we can take things further in the future rather than justbeen friends???
Very confused and unsurewhat to do please help!!!
Posted Sat Dec 03, 2011 09:49 AM
- You’re stronger than you think you are.
- Mistakes teach you important lessons. Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal.
- You can press forward long after you can’t. It’s a matter of wanting it bad enough.
- No matter how much progress you make there will always be the people who insist that whatever you’re trying to do is impossible.
- You are limited only by your own imagination. Let it fly.
- Perception is reality.
- Your instincts can be trusted.
- There is only one question to ask yourself: “What would you do if you were not afraid?”
- It’s often hard to tell just how close you are to success.
- The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.
- Never let success get to your head, and never let failure get to your heart.
- You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.
- Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
- Do what you love, not what you think you’re supposed to do.
- Laughter is the best medicine for stress. Laugh at yourself often.
- If you want to feel rich, just count all the great things you have that money can’t buy.
- Forgiving yourself is far more important than getting others to forgive you.
- If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, you’ll often find that you’re right.
- be nice to yourself.
- For the most part, it doesn’t matter what people think. Follow your own truth.
- No education is wasted. Drink in as many new experiences as you can.
- Making one person smile can change the world.
- Don’t forget to enjoy your journey!
- You never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have.
- Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- You cannot change what you refuse to confront.
- Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak. It doesn’t always solve your problems either.
- No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
- Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
- You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.
- Give up worrying about what others think of you.
- When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
- you have to accept that some things will never be yours, and learn to appreciate the things that are only yours.
- As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.”
- Don’t be afraid to move out of your comfort zone. Some of your best life experiences and opportunities will transpire only after you dare to lose.
- Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go.
- You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work. But you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.
- Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future for too long. Right now is life. Live it.
- No matter how cautiously you choose your words, someone will always twist them around and misinterpret what you say. Just say what you need to say.
- Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck.
- If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.
- If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
- What lies before us and behind us are tiny matters when compared to what lies within us.
- Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.
- It’s not about getting a chance, it’s about taking a chance.
- If it were easy everyone would do it.
- Be vulnerable.
- A problem is a chance for you to learn.
- Regardless of the situation, life goes on
Posted Sat Dec 03, 2011 10:28 AM
you're a coward. You lie to your girlfriend and you lie to the cyber lady. And you lie to yourself. It is OK to be a coward, because we're humans, and, mainly if you're young, it is all new, and it is normal to get lost.
But don't stay there. You're keeping your relationship (girlfriend) because you're attached to her. You're using her as a clutch, then. Is it right?
The one on the social network: it is very easy for her to be so nice, since she doesn't have to see the real you. The person you really are. Ask yourself this question: who are you? Are you a decent guy? Would this person be interested in you if she knew how you really are? Because, for instance, she doesn't know you're lying to her (you didn't say you're in a relationship).
Again, we aren't perfect, are we? But if we know we may be on our way to hurt others, the responsible thing to do is to change. Change the situation.
We can't think for you, since we also don't know you. But you can. Take time to reflect on who you are now, and the person you think you are. Who do you wanna be? Better, I'd expect. Then, let this person decide what to do.
Lie and deceit never end well.
Posted Sat Dec 03, 2011 10:53 AM
I believe you're falling into all this because you're one of those nice guys who can't seem to know when to draw the line in terms of pleasing others... Your girlfriend in this case, and the lady online to some extent.
I echo Alien's opinion of you being a coward, not because you're lying to your girlfriend and the online lady... You're close to cheating, but haven't yet, so you're still safe. You're still a coward because you're lying to yourself dear. You obviously realize that you're in a bad relationship where you're being taken advantage of and I'd say somewhat abused.
If you don't think you have it in you to break up with your girlfriend, seek the comfort of friends and ask them to help you. You see, I've been married, and I remember I bugged my ex because he always seemed to forget to get the garbage out. Now, this I did because there was a certain division of the home chores, and I have always been one to happily do the dishes, do the laundry and cook the big meals, in exchange for having my coffee done in the morning and smaller meals during the week.
Now, I'm not sure exactly how things are in your relationship, but you need to assess them correctly with the help of a friend or a trusted person. Read this very carefully, and understand that in your current situation, you have to gather the courage to be more authentic when it comes to your needs.
Posted Sat Dec 03, 2011 06:05 PM
Posted Sat Dec 03, 2011 10:51 PM
In a relationship, if either party is unhappy you need to talk the issue through and see if you can find common ground. If you have talked it through and your partner is unwilling to change the behaviour that is upsetting you it's time to leave.
The reality of the situation is that she is unlikely to change her behaviour now, so ask yourself if you can put up with being unhappy? Life is too short to spend it unhappy. Your perfect partner may be just around the corner.
I've been through it time and again, don't make yourself unhappy just to keep others happy... sounds a little selfish, but it's your life, you only get one, be happy
Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.