what it takes
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 09:02 AM
I adore him; and the little things reveal just that, how one feels for the other. Caring if not love. k one doesn't love expecting sth in return but it's frustrating knowing I give my all to the man and he's ungrateful uncaring etc. I'm not a doormat or anything, but it's 6 whole years and I'm thinking & acting taking 'us' under consideration while for him there is no 'us'; hope that makes sense.
I'm in this forum to learn, as I've no experience besides him. So I ask, what it takes to b loved? I have really loved and it's a powerful experience but I've never been loved. Won't I ever be? Could u still love your partner with the intensity that u do now, if u knew he feels nothing for u?
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 09:20 AM
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 09:38 AM
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 09:44 AM
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 10:03 AM
Maybe my mind’s too small to c the cause here; I’m normal on the outside. No fancy wild perfect model; more of a next door girl, athletic and simple. Maybe that type repels men? But two of my male friends r only an sms away and have made it more than clear they wanna fuck me, so getting laid in a few hours wouldn’t b a problem at all! But cheating on my bf will b the end of what we have and I love him too much to want that.
On the inside u pretty much know what I’m like; And I’ve a lot of flaws but also good parts like all ppl. Here other than my annoying habit to flirt the admin I can’t imagine what else could b bugging someone. Feel free to tell me; I won’t b insulted; u ll help me improve. I’m cutting it out by the way; the flirting I mean; just cause he’s my type it doesn’t mean I can annoy him. Sorry man, really sorry.
My female friends dumped me cause they saw it as an insult to the female species that I still love my bf after what he does, plus they considered him an unattractive ugly bastard so the friendships ended badly. My male friends keep in touch cause they hope to fuck me one day; and that’s anything but boosting my self esteem. No love, anywhere, from anyone; like I’m cursed, I don’t deserve to b loved. Or is it that men generally can fuck but not love? Ok ok that sounds feministic I know; I mean maybe u men can’t EXPRESS love? How hard could it be, getting her a flower (pluck it off a garden if ur too stingy to buy it) and saying ‘I love u’? Y don’t I deserve a man to do this for me? Even strangers talk to me easily on the street, chit chat for no particular reason; I’m not some frowned unapproachable bitch.
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 10:36 AM
You know how I feel about him, if he is indeed how you describe him. He is not indicative of all men out there. What you want from your 'bf', there are plenty of guys who would be willing to give it to you.
I want to ask you what you have with your 'bf' that you do not want to lose. What is so great about him that you are willing to lose your friends over. If he doesn't give you the love you crave and deserve, what DOES he give you?
I know that it is hard to go to the world of the unknown, but sometimes... nothing at all is better than the crappy something you have now.
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 10:44 AM
Nothing is wrong with you. It sounds like your friends were driven away because they love you too much to see you get hurt!! I can't hang out with my best friend anymore because her boyfriend makes me sick and she just won't listen to me. It's hard to see your friends in pain. You feel helpless!!
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for three years. Finally, something traumatic happened that gave me the push I needed to leave. I have NEVER been happier! My life fell right into place after that. But it took nearly three years to leave. I knew all that time I needed to leave, but I just couldn't do it. The hardest part is making the decision, following through is much easier!!!
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 11:09 AM
It's the feeling of safety wk; I know it sounds silly but he's a big intimidating guy and I feel safe in his arms. At night we don't even lock the doors! It's feeling protected. U strong women probably can't understand that. He's my 'physical' shield and I'm his psycical shield; I'm so in love. The thing is, I'm not loved back, unless u call comanding and name calling a sign of affection.
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 01:17 PM
Love ya mum!
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 01:57 PM
Fortunately just like muscles get stronger by using them, mental strength and independence are 'developed' through use. You may feel weak and dependent now, but if you decide and practice you can become stronger, slowly, step by step over time.
If you love someone that doesn't love you, decide to either seek love elsewhere or be happy with this one sided relationship. Making someone give you a gift changes the nature of what they give you, it isn't a gift anymore.
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 03:07 PM
Yes baby-wazz ur right at that. Only wondering; can u choose to be with the one u love even if he doesn't love u? Yes it is a choice; what would one choose?
What u said about the strong protecter type, showing love equals weakness, makes me think. If this is so, I will always end up with guys like that and the 'circle' will never b broken cause that's just my type; it's a matter of taste. So I'm somehow right; I am cursed never to be loved. The question is, is that true? I mean, the strong protecter type naturally doesn't (show) love? Cause I've the feeling only weak guys have such insecurities.
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 06:31 PM
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 10:16 PM
You are a strong woman, whether you think so or not. You've proved it on this very forum. You stand up for yourself and you aren't afraid to talk to people. I know this is different than the real world, but it can still be applied. Everyone has weaknesses, mine is centered around men as well: I always seek their approval.
You don't need this guy, Anima.
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 10:26 PM
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 10:33 PM
I think it's more how they view you. If they treat you like you need protection it is because they think of you as weak (and easily exploitable). I personally won't date anyone who can't kick my ass intellectually _and_ physically occasionally. I prefer an equal who can hold their own. And why wouldn't I, if I am with a weak person what kind of support can they offer me when I have problems or need strength from somewhere?
Humanity needs a new mythology of love, the old knight in shining armor crap is starting to get annoying.
Posted Sun May 20, 2007 10:34 PM
Viva la revolucion!!!
Posted Mon May 21, 2007 05:00 AM
I know I'm strong generally; to the outside world even more so, nobody walked all over me ever. Of course I stand up for myself, I'm no sheep. The weakness is towards him. I tend to challenge a man I meet; challenge him intellectually; and if I manage to shut him up, he has no arguements against me or he can't discipline me, then I have no respect for him at all. So it's a given that I be with a man stronger than me intellectually. My bf needs my psycological support, as is an introvert not good with socialising. I organise things cause he's chaotic, so I have to b the one who brings logic, discipline, decisiveness to the relationship. Well ok I type his docs as well cause he knows nothing about computers and I do housework like all women.
But I do need his protection physically. The intellectual superiority is what I go for in a man, cause that way I can learn from him. e.g I contempt a man who loses a simple game of chess against me
And It's the macho attitude 'I will take no bullshit from u'. It's a matter of power; if he doesn't dominate me (not just in bed) I will dominate him; and u know I don't like being the strong one in the couple.
Posted Mon May 21, 2007 07:32 AM
Posted Mon May 21, 2007 07:49 AM
Posted Mon May 21, 2007 08:01 AM
What do you mean acts? What kind of acts do you think expresses love? Does he ever tell you he's thinking about you? You say he doesn't bring you flowers, but I remember that my ex-husband didn't give me flowers 'til I told him he had to one Valentine's. I got flowers from him a total of 2 times in 12 years...