Can swinging save a marriage?
Posted Tue Dec 13, 2011 07:40 PM
We've been married for 10 years. Our relationship is good as far as we are best friends, get along great. our friends are all jealous of what we have, especially being married young and staying together all these years. The only drawback in our marriage is she has never had much of a sex drive and I have an enormous sex drive. We have great sex together. I've been able to give her vaginal and g spot orgasms, something no prior partners could do for her. I've tried everything I could possibly think of to help increase her sex drive. Romantic things like rose petals floating on a bubble bath and a bottle of wine to spontaneous sex, toys, games, role playing.....trust me...I've tried everything. We tried bringing another women in to fulfill her fantasy. We had fun but still no sex drive boost. Tried being extra nice, cuddling, taking her on dates, shopping with her, get aways. Nothing.
Recently one night we were talking and the idea of another couple came up. We were both excited and realized what she has been missing is something I cant give her. The new, nervous, exciting, butterflies feeling that you get when you meet someone new. The awkwardness of the first time. The flirting and thinking of what could happen. The feeling that she is still sexy and attractive. In the same, I would have the chance to release some of my sexual frustration and if it works possibly spark her sex drive at the same time.
We decided to find another couple. We spent the week looking. Both of us were so excited! We didn't fight or argue AT ALL that week and got along the best we had in a long time. Laughing, joking, talking. Looking through swingers websites and talking about ideas, rules, thoughts, etc. Trying to pick out people that each other would be attracted to. Luckily enough, we ran into a couple online in the almost same situation. We met them and got along great. We went out, had a great night of drinking, dancing, flirting, and making out. We all went home, but the other female kind of got nervous and a bit tipsy, so nothing happened. We went to bed and my wife was ridiculously horny. I was too so I don't blame her. But I wasn't what she wanted. I kind of understood that too but was a little hurt as well. Just cause she couldn't fuck the other guy, didn't mean she couldn't fuck me, right?
The following morning, we woke up and talked a bit. I went down and made us a nice breakfast which we ate in bed. She kept telling me how horny she was. We both fell back asleep for a bit (lazy morning). We woke up and she slid back up against me. I started rubbing her stomach and she instantly started grinding back into me. We had some of the most emotional, erotic, hot sex we have had in years. Multiple orgasms for her. The week following, we have continued to get along great! Talking about the experience we had, making sure we are both okay, reassuring each other that we weren't bothered and in fact both of us kind of turned on.
We are both really looking forward too our next meeting. I know a lot of people say swinging is dangerous, bad, whats the point of being married, blah, blah, blah. I say if all it takes for us to get along better than we have in years and spark our sex life again, is to actually go do something that we both want to do anyways, how is this bad?
I'm not saying it was an easy road. I have thought about this for years, thinking if I could do it or not. The funny thing is, she had been too. I had asked before, but she always said no, afraid of hurting my feelings. I am actually proud of myself and feel SO good to finally overcome feelings of jealousy and trust issues. This is the first time in as long as I can remember or truly feeling happy with my wife instead of resenting her for "trapping me" in a hell where I can't enjoy the things in life that I enjoy.
We got married to share our life together. The misconception of a lot of people (us included) is that this means you are supposed to live your life FOR your partner instead of WITH your partner. I tried for years to live for her. I missed out on a lot. Now I am living my life for me and the best part is I have her in it with me!
Posted Wed Dec 14, 2011 12:58 AM
Good story, good insight
thanks for sharing
Posted Mon Dec 19, 2011 10:02 AM
Posted Mon Dec 19, 2011 07:36 PM
Posted Mon Dec 19, 2011 11:26 PM
Posted Tue Dec 20, 2011 12:01 AM
I think you are reading too much into the title. The last paragraph has some important insight
about having a happy marriage that I think married couples and people who want to understand
happy marriages would appreciate.
Posted Tue Dec 20, 2011 01:00 AM
anyway i'm glad you and your wife managed to work things out
Posted Tue Dec 20, 2011 09:07 PM
I realize and agree that it may not help every marriage. I just wanted to post my story of how it helped.
And an update. Now over 3 weeks since we began this we have had two dates and one kind of experience. Laying in bed with my wife on sunday, we were talking. We both realized how much closer we have been over the last two weeks. We have been going shopping together, sleeping in the same bed again (work schedules made it easier to sleep apart since she stays up late and watches TV), and just all around getting along like we did back in the first few years. Instead of the "trapped cause I don't get any at home" feeling, I feel free and instead of resenting her for that I just want to be closer to her. We have been laughing more, joking more, and having talks lasting hours instead of minutes or seconds. On top of that, our sex life feels to be renewed. Twice in a day is VERY rare for us. It would have been three but we were worn out from the night before.
Posted Tue Dec 20, 2011 09:22 PM
Posted Wed Dec 21, 2011 07:30 PM
Were they really strong enough to survive marriage in the first place? I also know people who have been ruined by it. I would never say that swinging is the answer to every failing marriage. I'm just saying it is to some. The ones I knew, already had existing problems that would have ruined it. Swinging was just the icing on the cake, so to speak.