i need more advice
Posted Sun Jun 03, 2007 08:03 PM
you see i have been with my gf for almost 1 year and three months i also recently proposed to her but you see i am in the military and she lives in charleston sc with her parents (im 20 shes 18) she is goin to skool there also and i am in Mississippi i only get to go home for a total of 1 month out of the year so i don't see her much but that isn't the prob the prob is is that she has this "friend" a very close guy friend which by the way i have no prob with as long as that is all it is but you see lately she has been spending so much time with him and putting me off which has caused us to get in fights so then when we get into a fight she runs to him which in turn makes me more mad you can proly see how this turns into a vicious circle well we have been talkin bout this and she has finally told me she has feelings for him and she cant help the way she acts with him she tells me she wants to be with me and that she loves me but i don't think she understands how this is making me feel i have told her that she needs to make a choice either me or him she cant have both i really don't know how i can make her understand that what she is doin hurts so much i don't want to lose her she is the only girl i have givin myself to and i want to spend the rest of my life with her
Posted Sun Jun 03, 2007 08:44 PM
Posted Mon Jun 04, 2007 02:57 AM
Posted Mon Jun 04, 2007 03:17 AM
Posted Mon Jun 04, 2007 04:57 AM
Posted Mon Jun 04, 2007 09:06 AM
Posted Mon Jun 04, 2007 10:41 AM
You are very young. We all fall in love more than once. We all think every time it happens that it is and must be the last time it will happen. You can't take that for granted and just assume that it's true and that's that. Sometimes, a lot of times, we're wrong. Learn from it, appreciate it for what it was (a good relationship while it was good) and let it go.
If you feel the need to give an ultimatum, you don't want the outcome. Do you want a girl to be with you just because you basically threatened her? You are forcing her. She has two choices. You or not you. If she chooses you then she has to commit the rest of her life to you and give up her life to be with you because that's what you want.
I love my boyfriend. I would be the luckiest girl in the world to marry him and live happily ever after. But if he gave me an ultimatum, like you did to your girl, I wouldn't have it. I would choose the other guy just on principle. I would do it just to show him and myself that I am not going to live my life just to please someone else. That's what you are asking of her. Knock it off if you truly care about her.
I would like to add that something I tend to notice about my girlfriends who are involved with military/army/navy etc men is that they tend to be controlled. All of these women (that I know and believe me I know there are exceptions so please don't hate me for saying this as I realize I am stereotyping and I apologize for it) but all of these women are upset because their lives are falling apart. They don't see the friends they used to, they don't have the same life that they used to. It's because the men they are with do things like you are doing, threaten to leave them if they aren't fully devoted.
I understand you face life and death situations that the average person does not. It gives you a different perspective. But it hurts the women that you do this to. My friend has lost her best friend because the best friend's army boyfriend overseas forbids the girl to go out and do anything. He forbids her to see her friends. She can't go to a club or go to any social event because other men might check her out. Even though she loves this man and would never hurt him, he takes advantage of that and asks for unreasonable demands of her to boost his own ego. He controls her from afar so that he can feel confident that he is not alone.
I get it. You're in a scary situation and you need to know that there is a great woman waiting for you. But do you want to know that she is only there because you basically guilted her into staying? Because you threatened her into committing? You took away her life so that she only had you just so you wouldn't have to feel insecure? That's horrible. You should be ashamed of yourself for giving an ultimatum.
Let her go. Let her do what makes her happy. If that's being with you then that's what she'll do. If it's not being with you then you have to recognize that being with you would have made her unhappy. And you wanted to force that on her?
Posted Mon Jun 04, 2007 02:28 PM
If she "has feelings" for this other guy, then hanging out with him so much is just asking for trouble. If she isn't prepared to give him up, so that she stops hurting YOU, then she is not worth the effort. Sorry to say
Posted Mon Jun 04, 2007 04:26 PM
Posted Mon Jun 04, 2007 05:14 PM