Open Relationship 'snag'
Posted Mon Jan 30, 2012 05:44 AM
As some of you may know, my hubby and I have been trying out the open relationship thing for a while. I've got a couple of playmates, he has too and we have had some couple swapping experiences as well. It is going really well, apart from one teeny weeny little thing.
He has started seeing a woman who, as much as she's seems great and she's open about having other partners, she is married to a guy who's 'vanilla'. So, basically she's cheating on her husband with, not only my husband, but with others too.
I'm worried that if her husband finds out, that mine will be targeted and their (her and her husband's) relationship fails as a result. Yes, my husband's involvment would be a contributing factor but I don't want him getting solely blamed.
I'm all for my hubby seeing other women (I know he loves me and always will come home!) but don't want this thing to get out of hand......For me, if hubby was doing this behind my back, of course I would be devastated but I can't imagine how this guy would feel, finding out that his wife is sleeping with other men (and women) too.
I've already told hubby how I feel about it, that he should stop but I want him to make the right decision for himself.
DILEMMA MUCH????? AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!
Opinions would be greatly appreciated!
Love and hugs,
Posted Mon Jan 30, 2012 06:10 AM
We were asked by a friend once with a vanilla husband to have a 4some with her and her FWB, whom was also cheating on his wife. We said no thanks!
Posted Mon Jan 30, 2012 07:20 AM
Posted Mon Jan 30, 2012 09:03 AM
Posted Mon Jan 30, 2012 11:00 AM
Posted Mon Jan 30, 2012 04:57 PM
Here's the reason: Her cheating could negatively impact you and your relationship. If that cheated husband finds out, then he could get angry and lash out. He might harass your husband and might even harass you. Either way, you get pulled into a bad experience that you didn't sign up for.
However open you and Hubby want to be, you two still share a responsibility to keep yourselves and each other safe. Dating a known cheater increases the risk to both of you.
Posted Tue Jan 31, 2012 01:44 PM
Personally I would start by agreeing on a rule where no new relationships will be started in which a partner is cheating. This existing one can be "grandfathered in" -- that way the issue is about the general principle rather than about this specific relationship.
Once this is agreed, then you have a common principle that you agree on and you can go from there. Only after that, I would try to agree on a general goal of either convincing the other partner to reveal the relationship to her husband, or failing that of ending the relationship at an appropriate time. Notice I said a goal rather than a requirement. But I wouldn't put a time limit on it at first, and be very careful to keep the lines of communication wide open on this issue.
Then later with this platform to stand on, you can choose to raise the issue more strongly, if your husband has responded positively to your approach.
Most importantly, over-stress that it is not a problem about the relationship or the specific partner, but about the damage to everyone involved when her husband inevitably finds out. Your primary goal is obviously to protect your husband and not restrict him. As long as he 100% believes that, then you'll probably be fine no matter what else might go wrong.
Posted Thu Feb 09, 2012 05:01 AM
All you can do is be honest with those in your life and true to who you are. Enjoy!
Posted Thu Feb 09, 2012 06:19 AM
No piece of ass is worth dying for
Posted Thu Feb 09, 2012 12:59 PM
I had a one nighter with a guy that I knew was married (business trip, hotel bar, ect) and his wife found out. Not worth it in the end!!!
Posted Fri Feb 10, 2012 05:10 AM
he must know from experience and his IQ is high.
Posted Fri Feb 17, 2012 09:03 AM
Yes, it's been a couple of weeks since I've posted, but I'm finally back online!
Hubby and I have discussed the said situation further.....We have decided that he should be the one to make the decision to end it if he feels it gets out of hand. He has full support from me....I just hope she is careful on her decision making. The last thing that we want is for a crazy husband to come after us though. It's her decision on what she does in life, she's not only meeting with my hubby but with other men and women too. Also, I don't think it should be solely our fault that she can't be honest with her husband if he finds out. Be responsible for your actions, luvvy!!!
Our relationship is too strong for something like this to break us.
But yes.....playing with singles is much easier....A lot less hassle!! (BTW - Mr younghung......are you free next weekend?? LOL)