need to vent and talk through this relationship ended.
Posted Sun Jun 24, 2012 04:35 PM
ME: I was 24 at the time, never really had a real relationship and was kind of timid going into anything that i could end up breaking my heart. its very difficalt to really put myself in a place where i could be rejected.
her- she was just turned 21, finishing up school and has had many relationships. only ever really ended up being friends with one of the guys she dated in high school after they broke up. sad thing is he ended up passing on later during the school year.
So I have worked at a day camp for a few years and just last year i met my ex at the camp. we got along great and my boss even encouraged each other to go out on a date. well, at the last week of camp i managed to ask her out to the drive inn. i just bought my old muscle car which i've been saving for for years and i took her out. things went great and we started hanging out more and more. it was pretty easy to see she was falling hard for me. she would text me all the time and i would do the same. she ended up going back to school to finish her last year of college. we texted and talked everyday and she was always telling me she wanted to be with me and how great i made her feel. she would come home almost every other week and i would go to family events and would hang out. well, about a month or so into the relationship she ends up telling me she was raped and thats how she lost her virginity, but she stayed with the guy for a little bit longer because she though she need to look strong at school because people looked up to her. she didn't want anyone to think of her other wise. I planed to visited her at school and we were getting really excited because we planed on having sex for the first time. about a three weeks before it happened she called and told me she found out she had HPV, and was crying and telling me that it would be ok if i left her. i was freaked out but i told her i cared about her and didn't want to leave her. I ended up going to her school to spend the weekend and i lost my virginity to her (used a protection, and continued to throughout the relationship). everything was great
fast forward to her semester being over in December. she came home and everything was good at first. however this is where it started to slip. we lived about 35mins apart, and she started to feel like i didn't see her enough. we talked everyday but we only really only saw each other on the weekends. i was out of school, and finished college the summer i met her. I only had a summer job so money wasn't coming in. she was upset that we didn't get to see each other more and i guess i kind of was depressed and putting money in front of her. I was trying to save money so that if my car broke down i would have the cash to fix it, as well as have them money to work and pay for gas. this is when it started to turn for the worse. we started to argue more, she was upset that i was unemployed and not really trying to get a full time job, i guess i was just kind of relaxing and enjoying not having to go to school anymore. she would just get frustrated at me for not being motivated. we would go out to eat and she would always try to get me to eat meat. i've been a vegetarian for 24 years and never had the temptation to eat meat. she would seem to get hurt that i wouldn't try it. well we both sat down and talked about this and how we seemed to get mad at each other. we talked it out and for a little bit it got better. i spent more money and time with her and we wouldn't argue as much.
February comes around and things are ok. shes student teaching and stress out. the night we had our talk her dog died a day before, and she was mad that i never came over, even though she never asked me too. we texted the full day and i was trying to help her through it. they had to put the dog down. i thought it would be best that she sort of had time with her family but i guess that might not have been a good move. well i end up finding out my dad new a guy that would give me a good job, so she pushed me to take it. i did take it and was proud of myself and went to the interview and got the job. i was so exited and thought she would be happy to hear this. so i took her out to eat and i ended up telling her. she didn't seem like it was a big deal, and kind of pushed it off a bit. a few weeks later i found out the HPV she had was the type that developed warts. she told me this in the car, and while i was a little shocked i told her i still liked her and wanted to be with her, and that she would be ok and its not the end of the world. i was a little bit distant for a week after finding out, but i still talked to her everyday and we hung out. after the treatment and the warts cleared we ended up having sex. she seemed so happy that i still found her sexy and attractive (still used condoms). but by then we started to kind of drift a bit. i tried to be positive and happy the whole time. i knew she was under pressure because she was doing her student teaching and was trying to get that done and find a job. i could kind of tell i was starting to lose her a bit. so i tryed to put some romance back into things. i made her dinner from scratch, lit some candles and the full nine yards. i thought it was romantic and i was really excited to do it and see her reaction. she was happy to see it, but she didn't seem super happy. i thought she might complement me all night and tell me i was a great boyfriend. but she didn't. we cuddled on the couch and i tried to see if she wanted to have sex, but for what ever reason she didn't. turns out for the last 2 months of our relationship we only had sex maybe 2 times, a total less than 20 in a 7 month deal.
We were going to have dinner one night and i was going to have her meet me at my house and i was going to drive her out to eat. ended up going to the sporting store that day because i was kind of down that i didn't get to see her sooner, she had school work to do and i wanted her to get it done and i didn't want to distract her from it. well, she ended up texting me that she wanted a break when i was out. i actually asked her if she was on her way to my house to go out. she said no, that she wasn't coming and that she couldn't take it anymore. and that she didn't like it. i was crushed. She only called me the day after crying trying to explain herself but all she said was that she didn't feel the love anymore. nothing else. we texted a little bit and i called her one more time and that was it for about a week. i stopped talking to her and all that. about three weeks after the break up i saw she graduated from school and it hurt that i didn't get to be there with her and see it. i started texting her kind of with some emotion which put her off. i tryed to call her three different times over the course of about 5 days. but she kept blowing me off saying she had to much to do and wouldn't talk to me. i was never mean, was just hurt and kind of emotional telling her i cared about her still, i shouldn't have but i did.
well a month later, which is now. i found out she had a new boyfriend. apparently she met him in December and was talking to him about cars right before we broke up. whether or not they were into each other is a different story. it seems like she wants to move in with him because i saw she posted a house for sale and jokingly said we could own this, which was in june, so about 6 weeks after the break up. i ended up going to our old work to talk to the guys i knew. i thought she wouldn't be there but she showed up, didn't say hi just looked at me shock and walked by. I didn't want to push it so i didn't talk to her there at work. i texted her asking if we could talk about what happened and that i never really got an awnsure as to why she broke up with me. she just responded with a rude comment and said that she couldn't be nice if i couldn't understand. i said i just wanted to learn from this so it wouldn't happen to me again, and that i just wanted to be friends. she never talked back.
i know this is long, but its been hard on me. Im starting to believe my friend that shes just to damn young and just wants a lot of drama. that she feeds off the drama and something always has to be happening. i tried to be neutral on this, but i could say more about it and make her look worse. but i'm not. it hurt she didn't tell me about this new guy and that she wouldn't still be my friend even though we promised to be friends regardless as to what would happen to us. a few people are telling me that her and the other guy will not end up together and that shes to young and dramatic. hes 27, shes 21 and that if they get married its just going to end.
could anyone tell me what i did wrong? thanks
Posted Sun Jun 24, 2012 04:56 PM
Posted Sun Jun 24, 2012 05:13 PM
Posted Sun Jun 24, 2012 05:18 PM
Posted Sun Jun 24, 2012 05:26 PM
As far as your question about what you did wrong Paintballer; I don't see anything in the story that you have done wrong. I thing this girl should get some emotional and mental help for being raped or that incident is going to affect every relationship she has, as it did with yours. Also she seems to be extremely needy. Even the fact that you wouldn't try meat because you were a vegitarian seemed to bother her, which is disrespectful to you. The fact that she did not respect your choices, and ultimately tried to force you into things should have been a deal breaker for you. She needed the assurance that you would do anything and I do mean ANYTHING she wanted to make her happy and feel like you really loved her. Consider yourself lucky that this relationship ended when it did. I understand that opening yourself up is hard, and trust me it is hard for most of us. However, if you keep yourself closed up then what will you ever get in return? Just be you, and take your time getting to know someone, and hopefully the opening up and trusting and ultimately love will just all fall into place. You may still get hurt, but you learn from it and move on. I hope this helped, and remember to keep your chin up (couldn't resist adding something cheesy hopefully it made you smile).
Posted Sun Jun 24, 2012 05:27 PM
Posted Mon Jun 25, 2012 07:17 AM
Posted Mon Jun 25, 2012 07:56 AM
Posted Mon Jun 25, 2012 10:17 PM
This is the best advice you will ever get; TAKE IT. I have been through something like this, and waited for an apology that never came. They don't even think they have anything to apologize for, and I held onto the burden for way too long. I always like to believe in Kharma, but honestly even if she does get dumped you may never even hear about it so what good will it do you. Also, if she does get dumped she may not come back to you, and that may bother you more. Just know that as much as it sucks to hear it does get better with time, and you will look back and be able to be happy with your decisions which will be all that matters.
Posted Tue Jun 26, 2012 07:46 AM
Posted Tue Jun 26, 2012 11:25 AM
You don't need practice to pick up a girl. And you know what? You don't even need to go "looking for another woman". You don't need a woman. You're young, you're just outta school,...man, this is the best time to be a single guy. Be a guy...don't look to tie yourself down. Have fun.
The free healthy bird doesn't seek a cage to be confined in. Enjoy your freedom and your unattached and unobligated position in life. You'll have plenty of that shit later.
There's a big buffet out there, paintball....sample everything!
This post has been edited by ilyushin: Tue Jun 26, 2012 11:29 AM
Posted Tue Jun 26, 2012 08:58 PM
Posted Wed Jun 27, 2012 09:13 AM
Posted Wed Jun 27, 2012 10:02 AM
Don't worry, there are other chicks that you're going to be equally smitten over, maybe even more so that this chick.
I have no idea why you are so devoted to some chick who fucked with your head that way and then moved on so quickly, other than that this is your first relationship. Believe me, THAT is why you're having a hard time letting this go, it has zero to do with that chick being special. She isn't. You just think she is because you've not had a real relationship before this.
And like I said in my previous post (which you've apparently ignored) you'd be well advised to NOT "try and find" someone. Why do you feel like you have to have a girlfriend? What, you need an owner? If you think you need a girlfriend at all times, go ahead. That mindset is going to get you walked on left and right, and you're going to get treated like shit. Just sayin'. You'd be WAY better off just looking for a good time and just enjoy life. But if you like having a ball n' chain around your ankle, it's your life.