Just Venting- Getting Over a Guy Ugh!
Posted Sun Sep 30, 2012 01:36 PM
So, I'm not happy right now in my marriage. I met someone online almost a year ago, we realized we lived close to each other, we almost met a number of times but never did. Then, 2 weeks ago, we finally met. I liked him, we went out for coffee a couple times, then made out. I was reluctant to get a room and go all the way...partially because I NEVER EVER wanted to be a cheater and partly because I had this tugging feeling in the back of my head that he was a "once and done" kinda guy. And even after I told him that's what I thought and he assured me he wasn't, everything screamed "stay far away" but I was lonely and horny and didn't listen to that screaming voice in my head. So yeah, we had sex and it was good and ever since then, I've felt like I've been begging and nagging him to see me and finally, I just got tired of it and ended our communication. And, as much as I know I should regret that the whole thing happened, I don't. And as much as I wish I could just forget about him entirely, I can't! And he's soooo not worth my time or energy or stress. So...my question is... seriously?! WTF is this that I'm feeling? What is this about?!!!
Posted Sun Sep 30, 2012 01:38 PM
Posted Sun Sep 30, 2012 03:24 PM
probably not a bad idea to look at the relation ship your in because even if theres not a major issue there is defanetly a bunch of little ones that is makeing at least you unhappy. the lack of regret on doing it is a big clue. could be lack of exitement or just wanting to break from the rutine. i would seriously look into finding the problem because if you dont learn from what this you are just going to do it again and probably feel worse about it.
Posted Sun Sep 30, 2012 05:39 PM
Posted Mon Oct 01, 2012 12:38 AM
Realize that he is not the guy you imagined he was and forget about him.
Posted Mon Oct 01, 2012 02:39 PM
Posted Tue Oct 02, 2012 10:56 AM
I'm not passing any judgement on this, but you mentioned that this individual was not worth your time, yet you still feel ambiguous about him. I imagine that you didn't hide the fact that you were married from him, and unfortunately, there are a lot of opportunists on the Internet hoping to get lucky with "deprived" people. So, there you go, that's the reason why he's not interested in continuing a relationship with you. He was never really interested in maintaining a relationship with you, and he lied. I've seen your photos, and you're a very attractive woman, so I can see why he pursued you.
My advice to you would be to take a hard look at your marriage, and come clean on what your expectations and needs are. If you find that it's worth to keep your marriage, then stay; but if you find that your level of happiness will not improve in a foreseeable future, then you'd probably should consider a divorce. The problem is that if you stay married, and if you ever decide to go out of your marriage, the quality of the relationships you'll be getting will always be on that deprivation level. What you need to do is to organize your life in a way where you can actually get attracted to people in a more positive way, and not just based out deprivation be sexual or emotional or whatever.
Sexual attraction is a mysterious thing, but I believe that you can manage to which people you're attracted if you actually sit and deal with your needs first.
Posted Fri Oct 05, 2012 12:02 AM
If I'm being honest, it's your position and how you're handling it that's put you in this spot. You're vulnerable and 'needy' on some levels, S704G...I'm inclined to think this fellow knew you were unhappy and looking for/needing something you weren't getting at home. Women in your position are very very easy targets for one-hitters, hit-n-runners, and players. And because your needs/desires being in a heightened state, you're more willing to ignore those "warnings" and inclinations to avoid giving it up to the guy who you're project as a needs-meeter. In short, your appetite for risk (for lack of a better word, I guess) is greatly expanded because of your general dissatisfaction in your marriage.
It's an old story...guy promises he's more than "just the one time", girl gives it up thinking he'll want anything to do with her after, but then the guy disappears like home equity in 2009 once he nails her. And that you don't regret it means (in my interpretation) that you do want what you were seeking, but you're pissed that the guy didn't be what you wanted him to be. (willing to see you again) Chances are, a relationship with this guy would probably end up being a disappointment as well in the long term.