Innocent topic, but important nonetheless so is it odd to randomly ask a woman out?
Posted Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:58 PM
Posted Tue Oct 09, 2012 12:18 AM
Posted Tue Oct 09, 2012 02:22 AM
A century ago, a man needed to be introduced to a woman by someone she knows; your first 'date' would be in her home with her parents present- and your second and third and fourth. This was because the families chose your mate, and pretended that you had a say in the matter.
The parents' filtering system in the US eventually was replaced by one's friends. They will spy on, investigate, gossip about and evaluate any potential date; if the green light is given, you'll get the go-ahead.
I enjoyed being a teenager in the 1970s. I met women any- and everywhere- I talked, walked, ate, danced, and had sex with them with little or no production. The threads we have here on SF about 'how to meet women' or 'how to talk to women' or 'what's your sure-fire pickup line?' would have been hilarious to us back then, if not simply confusing. It was 'you wanna?' and 'yeah, okay' (or 'no thanks')- no guilt, no drama.
I would suggest talking a bit to the woman, though. If you want to avoid a disastrous dinner with nothing to say, 20 minutes or so is not a big investment.
If she says 'no thank you', accept it gracefully and walk away. A woman would get uncomfortable if you try to coerce her, and it's just not worth it. You do not have to beg a woman to be with you.
Don't spray the place. If you ask ten women in the same club or bar, on the same night, your inexperience and desperation will show. Besides, a woman who said no tonight may say yes tomorrow- but not if you asked out half the room.
Lastly, the best looking woman is not always the best date. Your eyes will rarely select a perfect one - someone great to look at, a sexy dancer perhaps, but maybe your eyes and ears and conversation will choose a bubbly, laughing, lively person, who you'd enjoy getting to know.
Posted Tue Oct 09, 2012 03:06 AM
I'm yet to turn down conversation with somebody who wants to talk to me. So, if I'm not really busy at that day, and I'm not that busy a person, I'd gladly accept.
I don't assume people are crazy serial killers, or stalkers.
I don't like restaurants much, but for the conversation, I'd go.
Posted Tue Oct 09, 2012 09:14 AM
Posted Tue Oct 09, 2012 09:26 AM
I'm not one of the ladies but I can venture this: If you're going to refrain from asking women out on the premise that you'll come off as weird, that shrinks the pool of candidates down to only the women you know. That kind of sucks because what if you're not too impressed with the women you know, or aren't attracted to them, or don't like them on a personal level? Choosing only from the pool of chicks that you actually have legitimate non-sexual business talking to means you're options are incredibly narrow. I'd prefer to have 3-outta-4 attractive chicks think I'm weird and nail the 4th. Why? Because it's better than not approaching the 4 of them and nailing 0. The ones that think I'm weird can go pound sand...they're irrelevant either way. If you never approach them and therefore never get to know them, what does their opinion matter? If you do approach them and they think you're weird because of it, how is that any worse than you just being background decor (not talking to them)?
I've got to call BS. Why do you like talking to pretty girls, if not for sexual attraction-related reasons? Are you implying that pretty girls are somehow more keen or brilliant than non-pretty girls? Be honest with us (and yourself if you really believe what you're saying). You saying you like to converse with pretty chicks based on non-sexual motives begs me to ask : What, then, is the reason for your preference to converse with attractive women if it isn't for sexual reasons? Because if it ain't sexual, why not converse with all women on an equal opportunity basis?
If some chick is going to be "omigawd so totally like whatever!" while rolling her eyes because you kindly asked her to dinner, BE GLAD she did that. That is not a chick that would be very fun to play with or date. That's a way of weeding out the chicks you DON'T want. Face it, if she's in interested in you, your options are to be shot down or not ask at all...but you wont know until you ask. And for trying to talk about something else, let's be real, folks....if some strange guy came up to a chick he's never met and said "I'm intrigued by your mind, I would love to discuss with you the advantages and drawbacks of Keynesian economics in context of the new global realities of non-fiat currency."...wtf do you think some chick would say to that? (I'll give you a hint, it'll sound like the 8th-12th words in this paragraph)
Get real, people. This is testosterone and estrogen. Male and Female. Scotty is RIGHT ON POINT. "Do you wanna?"....."yes/no"...that's really it. "No's" aren't bad. They're good. Thank every girl that tells you 'no'....She wasn't going to be fun anyway, because she's not interested.
So, gentlemen0, stop giving a shit about being thought of as weird. If you think a girl is pretty, and you want to get to know her (regardless of how you want to know her), step up to the plate and be you. If she digs you, cool. If not, cool.
Posted Tue Oct 09, 2012 01:47 PM
Posted Tue Oct 09, 2012 03:38 PM
But random? Nope. Wouldn't work for me. Feels like predation to me, so I never did it.
Posted Tue Oct 09, 2012 08:30 PM
lol, well yes, but i have had guys come up to me and be like "can i have your number" and i said no instantly, whereas i have had another guy come up to me and ask me for directions and i gave them to him and it progressed into a conversation about other things. also another guy asked me something along the lines of "are you here for the party?" and when i said no he started talking to me and that went fine too.
i just don't think many people are inclined to give their number to or go on a date with someone they know literally nothing about without at least a 5 minute conversation first.
Posted Thu Oct 11, 2012 06:08 PM
Posted Fri Oct 12, 2012 01:52 PM
There is one other annoyance which isn't directly related to your question, but I'll share anyway. I hate guys who only ask questions about me, and never share anything about themselves. It starts to feel like an interrogation when everything out of his mouth ends with a question mark. Ask about her, certainly, but don't grill her relentlessly. A good conversation is a 2 way street with both parties contributing information about themselves. You are just as much a stranger to her as she is to you, so let her get to know you at the same time you are getting to know her. Make sense?
Posted Fri Oct 12, 2012 02:34 PM
Its going to be all in your salesmanship. Might just work for you.
Posted Sat Oct 13, 2012 07:26 PM
I think I have to agree with some of the other posters here and say that if a guy just randomly walks up to me and asks me out, I will turn him down. I would appreciate it if a guy warmed up to it first. The bonus to that is that it gives you a chance to find out if she actually has a brain to go with the lovely exterior, and saves you from wasting any time on a brainless beauty. I enjoy the initial stages of a new relationship a lot. That stage goes quickly. I would appreciate a man taking his time and flirting with me, giving me the chance to warm up to him too. Hope that helps!
Posted Mon Oct 15, 2012 12:13 PM
I think that, whatever your intentions are, you set a precedent based on your actions. If you walk up to someone and say "I think you're pretty, can I take you out to coffee?" then their internal thought process will be "he thinks I'm attractive but that's all he knows about me, so right now it's just physical." That's not to say they'll say no, but the precedent is for a sexual relationship rather than a romantic one. If they find you attractive, and they're looking for casual sex, they may say yes. If, on the other hand, you introduce yourself and start a conversation, they'll think "he's attracted to me" just the same, but when you wait until you've talked before you ask the person out, they'll then think "he got to know me a little bit and he's interested, he actually wants to go on a date."
In other words, you can get positive responses either way, but you subconsciously tell a person what you're interested in based on your interaction.
It's like meeting people at a party. Sometimes you end up dancing with a stranger, and sometimes you end up sitting on the couch talking to a stranger. Both of those things are fine, but the first is more likely to lead to casual sex, whereas the latter is more likely to lead to a date.
Posted Mon Oct 15, 2012 12:44 PM
Posted Tue Oct 16, 2012 02:55 PM
Suppose the guy does ask for sex. You can always say "no". Suppose the guy isn't nice to talk with after all: you can always leave. The place is public. What could he possibly do to harm you?
This isn't like giving your phone number, nor your address. It is about having dinner.
Many, if not most cases of sexual violence happen from the part of a man the woman knows (family member, husband, student of same university, etc). And very seldom do they happen in a place like a restaurant.
I'm just curious. Are there some hidden dangers in restaurants I'm not aware of? I only fear bad hygiene in the kitchen, or long waits for service.