I couldn't remember the last time I cried.. before tonight. This has just been one of the toughest months I've ever been through. Don't really have anyone I can talk to about this since all my friends are away so I guess I just needed to vent a little.
What began as a 'normal' month I guess took a turn for the worse when I got word that my dad was having an affair on my mother (of 25 years) and left Saturday. Granted I may not have always been close with my parents but it's that sort of idea of a 'home' that I guess just doesn't exist anymore. Like no matter what goes wrong you always have a home. I guess that concept doesn't quite exist right now.
Well that's not the part that trully has hurt me but rather what happened with my girlfriend tonight. Paris (my girlfriend) lives roughly 3 hours away (192 miles north). It has never really been a problem since we drove to see each other each weekend. I even lived at her place for close to 2 months recently. But with Spring and Summer coming up we have both found ourselves with conflicting schedules. Seems like we'd only be able to see each other once a month, if even.
(To summarize us) We've been dating for quite some time.. we're.. that type of 'bubbly couple'. We call each other 10 times a day, end every conversation with 'I love you', send emails every morning just to make each other smile, etc. She was the first girl I ever loved, and (according to her) I was the first guy she ever loved. I guess that's why it's making this so hard. It's not actually like we have something wrong with our relationship.. it's just that we won't be able to see each other.
So.. we talked tonight for about a hour on the phone about our situation. We essentially came to the agreement that it's going to be really hard to maintain our relationship while living so far away, both working full time jobs and both being students. It's been.. one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. It's hard to walk away from someone you love so much. I don't see anything in other girls anymore.. she was my match. It's kind of corny.. but she gave me this bead necklace she bought in Mexico and whenever I missed her I wore it. Well I havn't taken it off today..
But tomorrow I'm driving up to pick up my stuff, talk and I guess say goodbye and part as friends. I want to try to rid of activities, maybe drop a class, just do something to make the time to see her.. but it just isn't possible. Like she said though.. if we are trully meant for each other then we can't go against fate. That something will bring us back together some day. But until then.. it hurts.
Sorry for the length. I just needed somewhere to put my feelings and emotions. Thanks.
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Going to be a tough month
Posted Fri Mar 11, 2005 12:04 AM
Man, that's really rough. Just remember, not all days are sunny, some are cloudy and pouring down rain, but eventually everything will clear up and work out. Good luck.