Anyway, at this point, now that I'm pretty much over the last one, I've decided on a rational note that I'd much rather just keep to myself. Being celibate - a virgin, for those of you with poor vocabulary - in a strange way has become part of my identity. It's one of the weird things that makes me ME. Besides, most people seem to view me in my eccentric ways as an endearing novelty, a lame horse not to be ridden (pun intended), a friendly freak. "Aww, you're such a nice guy. You'd make a great boyfriend - JUST NOT MINE....ok?" "Aww, I bet you'd make a GREAT father - JUST NOT WITH ME." Think of me as Sebastion or Flounder from The Little Mermaid. Cogsworth from Beauty and the Beast. Interesting, memorable, funny characters no doubt - but not the romantic type. Not the type to get the girl. That's me.
Soooo...fine. Whatever. Mostly, I can accept this. The only problem, is that I still want sex. I still want to be in love. I still want for that person that accepts me for who I am. I've never met this person - at least not in the realm of romance and I don't expect I will anytime soon. I just want to be totally at peace with it. Comfortable. Equanimous. Not bitter, angry, or sad. My sexuality gets in the way of this peace. How does one stifle it? Put it on ice? I want to be able to walk into the hottest strip club in the world and not feel a thing. I want to be able to look at porn and not get aroused. I want to NOT want to masturbate - that it's a messy waste of time. I want to be able to listen to Country music and not feel depressed about what I'm missing out on. I want to be the alien again looking at the world through totally objective eyes; not apathetic, but equanimous and unfazed.
How does one nullify their libido? How does a person totally rid themselves of all sexual impulse? Pills? Surgery? What say you?
This post has been edited by Buzzfly: Thu Apr 11, 2013 02:30 PM