Anal advice for the girl who has read it all...
Posted Thu Jun 27, 2013 03:06 AM
So here is the thing. I have read every sex forum thread and should know all this stuff. On paper at least. But right now as I try to put things in practice I don't quite know how to go about this.
I have always had the fantasy of anal sex. I have always wanted to enjoy it but I haven't been able to. I have tried anal before and even though there was no pain with that partner, I couldn't seem to enjoy it. That man was fully into toys and had the experience to get me ready for anal. My current bf is completely in love with anal but has never had to get a woman used to anal before. Hell he has never even used lube before! I know the logistics of getting myself ready for anal but when I have experimented with anal while masturbating, I found it boring and awkward. When I brought up the idea of using toys together to get me ready, he didn't sound excited and when I asked if he had any ideas he blanked.
I don't even know what I want to know from you guys.
Should I just give up on anal or should I awkwardly masturbate or do you guys have suggestions for me? Help? Please?
(And I accidentally just got Siri to read that out loud to me. Fucking hilarious and highly suggested!)
Posted Thu Jun 27, 2013 04:15 AM
Posted Thu Jun 27, 2013 04:28 AM
Posted Thu Jun 27, 2013 04:33 AM
Posted Thu Jun 27, 2013 06:01 AM
The conclusion is that, for you, anal is only good as a fantasy. Or else, the problem was all the preparation. You want romance and fire, but all the preparation some folks go through, or rather want their woman to go through to have anal, turns you off. It surely would turn me off. I like sex that doesn't look like a war operation.
Posted Thu Jun 27, 2013 07:44 AM
But others "just don't get it." Why? Who knows? Sexual pleasure and sexual fulfillment is SUCH a mental game. Maybe their asshole just isn't wired into the sexual pleasure centers of the brain the way others' assholes are.
If you've had anal sex with a partner, and not been turned off by the act because it was painful, try to recall why you weren't able to enjoy it. Was it because you had a mental block that didn't permit you to find enjoyment in it? Worried that something unpleasant might happen, perhaps? Or, if it was your first, or at least, an early experience, was your brain telling you, "This man is fucking me in the ass, and that's WRONG!" For many, the sexual taboo of anal penetration can be daunting.
Or were you mentally into it, fully accepting of a cock up your ass, but as he was plowing away, were you thinking, "Wow, I'm just not getting any pleasure here!" Your butt was full, stuffed and warm, your backdoor stretched lovingly around his dick, his big hands gripping your hips as he thrust into you, but the ol' sexual meter in the brain just wasn't getting past a one or a three. But in the excitement, the fantasy, the anticipation, you just knew "this one goes to eleven!" Maybe you're just not wired for anal pleasure.
You might give my blog post, A Primer for Anal Sex, a read.
Hope that helps!
Posted Thu Jun 27, 2013 07:45 AM
But I did find that my anal sensitivity developed over time, so perhaps patience is the answer. Finding the right stimulation for vaginal sex takes time as well, so anal is no different.
Posted Thu Jun 27, 2013 12:46 PM
She does not like it from behind, doggy style, on top or in any awkward positions. She favors standard missionary with her legs up. She likes me to ride close, on top of her and grinding my cock deep in her ass. All the while, also grinding against her pussy. This is very hot for her. She squirts when she orgasms and while grinding on her this way I am sliding all over her pussy and clit which rocks her world. Everything is getting attention at the same time and she has mind blowing orgasms.
Posted Thu Jun 27, 2013 02:26 PM
What I would tell you is that I honestly believe that anal is just not for everyone. It seems like you've given it a try - more than once with more than one person, including trying to use toys - and haven't enjoyed it yet. At least one person with whom you've tried anal sex sounds like he was experienced and did the right things to try to prepare you and train your body. That's why I would say that maybe anal just isn't for you. And that's not to say that there's anything wrong with that. Some people are bored by monogamy, and some people are afraid of bondage or pain.
However - I would never tell you to just give up if you have your heart set on learning to enjoy anal sex. I have my heart set on learning how to squirt and haven't been able to yet - even though (like you) I feel like I've read everything and watched every video about female ejaculation and have bought the supposed best G-spot toy and have tried on and off for years. I haven't been with anyone who's a squirting expert, so that's a point that's different between you and me. But I really want it to happen. So if you really want to enjoy anal sex, then you shouldn't give up if you feel like there's still energy left in you to try.