venting... I am so heart broken and lonely
Posted Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:32 PM
Dam it, why did I let myself feel again!!! I know everytime I fall in love I get hurt... It's happened so many times I should be amune by now!!! I have not been with him in over a month and I still fucking cry when I see him... I am trying to move on, hell I have even had sex with someone thinking it would help, it didn't. It made me wish I had him more, he was so fun.
I won't do it, but I want to hurt myself so I feel that pain instead, but i know thats stupid, then i will hurt inside and out. DAM HIM but really it is my falt, I knew he didn't want more. and really I deserve nothing, he was married... she left him and now he does not want me, he told me he would leave her for me, she left him though, he lied to her, why would i want him...
I know what i did was wrong, I should have never fell for his lies, I should have never allowed him near me.. should have and could haves do not change the fact that I already did, it's done and over with and I deserve this pain, I deserve more than this pain.
He was already on the rocks with her, I do not blame myself for there divorce, he deserved it just like I deserve the pain of regection. I wonder how long I will hurt. I wish i didn't want him still, even after him calling me today and telling me to not call him ever again. He is mad at me because I have a big mouth and can't keep a secret for shit. He knew my mouth gets me into truble when he started flirting with me. I changed jobs because I worked with him and I can't help but feel sad when I see him and it was effecting my work. Another thing I should have never done, mess with someone I work with, leason learned... to late
I have so much going for me, I wish I did not feel so dam sad and angry and frustrated, I should be happy I found another job doing the same work for the same pay... hell my last job was so slow they had me cleaning anyway so I upgraded temporarely anyway... in my field of work the work is slow sometimes so this job may get slow too eventually and i might have to look for work elsewhere again, but right now we have three 4story hotels needing wired so I should be busy for the rest of the year at least. I am not going to be seeing him every day either, maybe I will quit crying soon, I could use friends to talk with until then.
Posted Wed Aug 06, 2008 12:30 AM
Posted Wed Aug 06, 2008 01:22 AM
Posted Wed Aug 06, 2008 04:41 PM
I think saying to each other that it's not going to develop leaves you open to letting yourself feel so much for the other person as everything's so care free - the ideal relationship, which makes it that much harder when it ends.
It will get better though I promise. It's not going to be easy, it's not going to be quick, and yes there will be times when the most random thing will remind you of that person and your stomach will sink, but you will get over it. Don't try to forget about it, that'll make it worse. Just try and appreciate the time you did spend together and learn from the experience, as to what you gained from the relationship and what made you happy.
I hope this helps a bit, I still feel for the woman I dated, 3 years later, and she will always have a place in my heart, but I know now how good a relationship it was because it didn't last.
Posted Wed Aug 06, 2008 10:05 PM
Posted Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:23 AM
If you ever want some one to talk to I will be here. I may not be the best person for the job, but I am willing to listen and go from there.
Posted Thu Aug 07, 2008 08:08 PM
I am feeling better today, I am phone dateing a chic from Michigan and just started chating with someone from Arazona. I think knowing they are far away helps me relax too.
Posted Sat Aug 09, 2008 01:39 PM
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Posted Mon Sep 22, 2008 05:03 AM