the dick that got dicked
Posted Sat Sep 27, 2008 05:35 PM
Please note this post will be long.
*the sound of a tape recording begins*
Its a dark rainy Monday night and I Walter P. Johnson private investigator am dead, no I did not stutter I am dead and I just don't know it yet. I'm sure this tape recording will be found with my dead body inside this bathroom of the sleaziest hotel in the Baltimore area.
Why am I recording what is going to be my last will and testament instead of trying to escape from this doom and gloom, well because you idiot if I could get out of here I would but since I can't and any minute now some 240 pound gorilla calling himself a Russian body builder/football player is going to hurl himself through the bathroom door then its lights out.
The designers of this facility did not account for the cheating husbands or in my case wives even if I didn't know she was married at the time but hey that's all history. I guess I wanted you to know what happened to me and how it all went down. I'm guessing I got about 5 or 6 minutes before the gorilla gets to the room door so I should be able to recount my tale before my demise.
It started out a rather lazy day, in the morning it was warm and I had not much to do that was exciting. The usually bullshit of finding out if John Q Public is cheating on his loyal wife all the while shes sleeping with the milk man. You know I had some noble ambitions when I got into this field but after 10 years of the same crap over and over again I guess somewhere down the line I lost my taste for this line of work like a child who has eaten his favorite dessert too many nights in a row.
I follow Charlie Reynolds around for the day on behalf of his wife Melinda who thinks he is sleeping with a secretary. I find this out quickly enough and arrange a pay off to be made in exchange for keeping ol'Charlie's secret. If you think that's lowdown or dirty would it help you to know that Melinda had a thing for her 17yr old pool boy so yeah I don't feel bad screwing her over, way I hear it half the block has already down so and left their nut on Charlie's pillow.
It's getting late in the day and night is starting to set in. Well a man can not live on bread and water alone, I decide to go to my favorite watering hole "the back alley special". It's a low class joint for low class guys and gals who have no desire to socialize except to tell the bartender "Where the hell is my beer jerkoff?" I quietly walk to my permanent booth in the corner where I can sit my back to the wall and watch everyone who comes into the bar. Paranoid? hell yeah I'm paranoid if you spent most of your adult life scrounging through other people dirty piles of humanity for a living you'd know that it makes you a few enemies, in my case several hundred I'm assured.
4 rounds later and 30 minutes a blond walks into the door. She seems a little nervous and she's definitely looking like a fish out of water. She is wearing way too much make up, she looks like she could of been painted up by nearly any high priced salon. No female that patrons this bar, pays that much attention to detail. Beyond her blond hair that shined with the last rays from the sun, she had blue eyes the kind you can get lost in for days. Cherry red lipstick that was adorning pouty lips and large golden hoop earrings. She was wearing a stunning green dress that's hemline came a few inches above her knee, the texture of the dressed sparkled under light.
I tried not to pay too much attention to this woman clearly she was in the wrong bar. There are a few classier spots down the way, and I could not shake the feeling she had gotten turned around while trying to meet up with a boyfriend.
*loud noises can be heard the sound of a young woman screaming on a phone can be heard faintly in the background, you can faintly make out "hello is this 911?"*
She was a looker alright, her breast were not huge my father would say when I was younger anything more than a mouthful is a waste. I noticed though the one feature that made her an 11 in most guys book when I decided I would try the oldest bar cliche there is buying her a drink. When I walked up she had planted herself in a bar stool, and was busy looking at the pathetic list of liquors the place kept on tap when I noticed that she possible had the best ass I have ever seen in real life. She could of been a model or a playmate heck even the local weather girl but there was something screaming as loud as it could in the back of my mind "Sex Goddess!". It had been awhile since I had a roll in the hey and I was not about to let this chance get away from me, how many times do sex goddesses walk into your bar?
I walked up and told Ralph that I'd have the usually and for God's sake don't water it down this time and get the lady whatever she's having for the evening. The petite goddess wasted no time in locating the most expensive alcohol on the list and ordering herself a double shot. I had to look away and cringe at that but luckily for me, I had extorted that prick Charlie earlier today. Our drinks arrive in Ralph's usually "I don't give a fuck how fast you want your drinks you will get them when I am damn good and ready to serve them" attitude. She immediately takes her shot and downs it with out even bothering to look at me or thank me. This should of been my first clue something was up but maybe the fact that my brain was already in bed with her had something to do with the fact I let it go.
*There is a loud and long drown out sigh, in the background a now feverish pitched woman is screaming out "come on, come on there just got to be a few police officers closer... listen we don't have time to wait for the others to get her"
"So you wanna fuck?" the question might as well been a double aught shotgun blast to my guy as it hit my brain like a sledge hammer. I by no means am no prude and I have had my fair share of one nighters but never this fast or easy. I struggled to get oxygen flowing through my brain to respond. She stood up and I could see clearly now that she was 5'4 compared to my 5'8 stature it was intriguing to say the least. "You pardon me, I am not use to a lady such as yourself being so blunt but yeah I guess that's why I bought you that drink." She look straight into my eyes and for a minute I thought my soul or something now erect would fly out of my body at a moment's notice. "Alright lets go, I'm in the mood and your the lucky guy so go get us a room somewhere, anywhere."
A phone call to the local Elm Street Motel and we were booked for a night of adult fun. I asked if she wanted me to drive her, but I got a firm refusal "Look I can not be seen in anything that's not a BMW and I am sure you got a great car a Ford whatever but yeah my is nicer!" I can't help but chuckle a moment "Mines Bigger!" I exclaim and stipend a follow up chuckle.
*A frantic voice over rides the dialog for the narrator for a few seconds, "Come on, Come on he's almost here we need police right now, I can see his car driving in the drive way... no you don't understand he's very dangerous when he's upset... you got help... shit I don't even hear any sirens where are these police*
I open the door and am hit by the smell of more intercourse than any one room should ever have to see in its day. The smell does not seem to bother her as she quickly walks into the room, before I can even get the door close good shes dropping her panties to the floor. "We in a hurray, I kinda thought I would take my time and enjoy this?" A look of confusion flashed across her face. For a minute I must of forgotten that she was probably only 23 or so and most of her sexual experince probably did not last over a minute or two. I told her to just slow down and sit on the bed a minute. "Got to take your viagra gramps?" Was her snappy comeback. I thought for a moment a guy could get use to a girl like this. "No, I like to undress you myself... it's much more interesting than your flash strip." She looked around for a few seconds as she sat down on the bed with its ugly blue linen. "I'm not undressed yet, usually with in seconds my clothes are sprawled across the place and I'm being used as an oil rig." she laughed mockingly.
Chuckling to myself, I begin by taken the zipper and slowly drawing it down her back. While the zipper runs across her body i take the opportunity to take the other hand and take a green heel off. Then I take the last of her gren heels off and start to slowly drop the shoulder of her dress down one shoulder then the next. I can say this honestly she came equipped for a one nighter, no bra. Her B cup breast hung in the air perky and round. She hurriedly flings the dress off and lays back on the bed with legs spread. I'm in no hurray and I start rubbing all over her body, first I wet my fingers in my mouth and start playing with her nipples. I can feel a quick flash of heat as her body responds to the stimulus. I grin to my self and think yes my dear this is going to be a night you remember. I lean down and cup one hand behind her head and start kissing her while my other hand rubs her stomach gently.
I can hear her coo to the touch and now I am getting harder than I have been for a while. I unbutton the white officer shirt that I am wearing and fling it across the room, "looks like your getting a little excited, don't blow your load taking your clothes off." I bend back down and begin to suckle at her right nipple all the while stroking her stomach but on each stroke I let my hand get closer to the prize. I know shes getting wet now and her breathing is beginning to pick up the pace. I take a moment to take off my belt and free myself of the slacks I had been wearing that day. Now standing in nothing but boxers I decide to start things a little lower. I take both hands and put them on a breast and slowly rub her nipples in circles. I bend down and lick her stomach with a circular motion around the belly button. Teasing her with the pleasure to come.
*Static for a few second in the background a woman begins sobbing while desperately saying in a strained voice "he's going to kill us, he's going to kill us"
She started to buck a little and I could feel the breathing rise like a crescendo, she put her hand on my head and started pushing me down to her wet and bucking organ. I oblige the little lady, and while stimulating her breast with my left hand, I bring the right one down to start gently rubbing it around in a circle along the crest of her vagina. I lick at her lips and while rubbing her at the same time. This brings about the reaction I had anticipated. She begins to thrust upwards and I welcome the motion by placing a finger slowly inside her while I begin to lick on her clit. I can hear her moaning and its getting me hotter and hotter. As she bucks under the stimulation I take the hand on her breast and clumsily take off my underwear. I can not tell you how hard it is to get underwear off when your in the middle of something important. After fiddling with it for a minute I finally get the troublesome garment off. I'm standing rock hard now and it's time. I can wait no longer, I don't want to be in her I NEED to be in her.
I ask her to turn over and I pick up her hips, It does not take her long to figure out which way I want her. She quickly gets into the doggie style position. I look down and silently tell/will myself not to cum as my cock is getting closer to her fountain of pleasure. I grab both butt checks in my hand, her perfectly round bubble butt feeling firm in my hand. I enter insider her slowly, its like torture as I restrain myself from spraying like a water hose. She was tighter than I imagined and her pussy feeling like a small supernova was doing nothing to ease things for me.
I began to stroke, as slowly as I could. "Harder baby please Harder!" I knew she was hot and I knew she wanted it now but I had to go slow or this was going to be one short ride for this cowboy. I began to slowly pick up the pace a bit and in the corner of my eye I can see her breast begin to rock back and forth. I take my left hand and gentle reach down to start rubbing it. Her moan of pleasure was like a gift from God, I could feel my self wanting her more and more. I placed my left hand on her shoulder and start to stroke a little harder and off to the right. "Yes, Yes baby harder, harder I want you to cum."
I begin with my right hand to start rubbing her right buttocks. I can not get over how wonderful her butt feels in my hand but at the moment I am being overwhelmed with a sheer pleasure from another part of her body. I begin to stroke faster but I manage to keep a rhythm to it. Shes breathing harder and faster in between moans, She picks up her body and presses it against me. Now almost sitting on me she reaches back with her hands caress my head and starts to thrust up and down moaning.
*A large bang on a substance in the distance can be heard over the narrators voice*
My eyes want to shoot out of their socket but that's not the only thing I'm restraining. The feel of her pussy, stroking up and down on my cock is proving to much to handle. I grab hold of her breast and start to fondle them as she picks up the pace. I know I can not last long now and I find infinite relief when she moans loudly "I'm going to cum...im going to cum!" After a few minutes of watching her beautiful butt go up and down over my erect cock, I simply can not hold it and screech almost "I'm going to cum baby" She begins to orgasm a few seconds before my load shoots inside her.
I can feel it blasting out in squirts, lining the walls of the inferno that threaten to burn my cock and me to the ground.
*The sound of wood giving way to heavy blows in the background drowns out the tape for a second*
We are both breathing heavily when, she goes to her purse. What purse, I did not remember a purse but I guess when your bigger brain is doing the thinking for you, you can miss simple things like that. Simple things like a bruise on her back that as big as my hand with a footprint being visible. Things are starting to click and they are not adding up good for your hero in this tale.
*A thick accented voice yell "your gonna die now, come out and face the beating, don't make me kick in the door*
It hits me like a vision, this prick is an abusive prick who must of beat on her. After being beaten multiple times she probably thought well if I am going to get blamed might as well do the crime. There is only one thing missing a dope who doesn't know her to be her willing pawn enter in one Private Eye.
*Loud Bangs against the door, the sound of wood crackling under the force being lavished against it*
She pulls out of her purse a small, almost tiny cell phone and gasp in horror at message as I begin to get dressed. "What's wrong with you?" She gone pale and stutters out "My husband knows where I am." Before I can even think shits and giggles, I am running for the door. I open it only to be greeted by two tall gentlemen (and I use the word loosely) standing in the way. They have dark completions and smell as if they just stumbled out of the old country. "Da, you get back in to the room dar Peter wishes to speak with you." I slam the door quickly, I may not be a pussy but a superman I am not. She starts to freak out and begins crying heavily. Part of me feels bad for her. I go to the window no fire escape available. Damn, I am stuck and there is no place to hide but the bathroom. I yell for her to dial 911.
It took me a second but deep in the back of my mind, I knew there was this familiarity to the woman then I got it too late it seems to be of use, she was the wife of star Conner back of the Crow's. Yeah Peter Ivonavich's wife, it had always been said he had a nasty temper and it looks like I am going to find out just how badly. Well I got to place this somewhere the police will find it. This is Walter *P. Johnson saying if you think with your dick your gonna be dicked.
A T.V. plays in Ralph's bar its on the evening news. The anchorwoman is preparing her report and bold flashing letters run across the screen "Crows CB to be investigated in the possible death of private investigator." The woman begins "Today Russian born Peter Ivonavich star corner back of the Baltimore Crows will be indicted today on charges of first degree murder. Police responded to a frantic call to 911 by Peter's wife Tara Ivonavich. Tara claims that she was meeting the private investigator to hire his services but Peter Claims that they were having sex. Police found a mini cassette supposedly made by former investigator Johnson in which he gives an account of the sexual exploits of him and Ms. Ivonavich. Hackers supposedly leaked the tapes contents onto the internet but there is some speculation that it was done by the people of the Peter Ivonavich camp. All that can be said now is that we will have to wait and see how this trail, considered by many to be the trail of the decade will play out now here is Tom with the sports.
Posted Fri Oct 10, 2008 12:20 PM
"I open the door and am hit by the smell of more intercourse than any one room should ever have to see in its day."