Friends with Benefits
Posted Sun Apr 06, 2014 09:16 AM
Posted Sun Apr 06, 2014 09:42 AM
Posted Sun Apr 06, 2014 09:56 AM
FWB is something that takes time, because you actually have to be friends, and care about one another. The sex is just casual with someone you are close to and trust. FWB means you actually care about one another as people. You don't wanna date of get married, but you're friends. And the sex is just extra with a loved one you are already comfortable with.
That's the benefit part. It's an extra, but not the whole of everything. It's like a guy her. He was FWB with a girl. They hung out, bought each other birthday and Christmas gifts, etc. and neither of them wanted any more than what they had.
But if you haven't known each other that long, it becomes fuck buddies instead because instead of building a liking and trusting relationship, the sex came 1st. And with that, guys mainly just want to do the good stuff and be done with it.
Most of the FWB or fuck buddy questions I see on another site I am a member of, always end up wanting help because things are getting hard. Seems these relationships always lead to drama, and most of the time it's because the girls start to like the guy, and now after lots of sex they want to demand official dating. And that wasn't in the agreement.
I can give 4 good examples. And no offense to the girls in the examples. It's just cases of where they started something they really weren't ready for.
Casual sex and fooling around takes iron will and control of your emotions to keep it casual, and not get attached. These girls couldn't do that. But the men had no problems doing it. And it usually plays out this way most of the time. Rare cases are the men falling, both parties are fine for casual and it stays that way, or they may fall for one another. But the last seems mostly on tv.
1st girl - Was actually FWB. She was very close with her guy friend, who didn't want a relationship yet. But they got intimate. It was fine at first, then she started liking and wanting to date him. He could tell she was different, and he stopped the FWB arrangement because he knew he didn't want to date her, nor did he have romantic interest in her. Just friends with extra pleasure. And a bit later, he ended up with an actual girlfriend, and she's very upset. Idk if they're still friends.
2nd Girl - Dated a guy in the military, and he outright told her he wasn't looking for anything serious. She said it was fine. They posed as a newly wed couple in a hotel, got a honeymoon sweet and even played a newly wed game and won over all the real couples. Then when he got ready to leave, she started asking him about a wedding date. And he had no intention of marrying her. She started buying bride magazines and bossing him around. And he told her he is leaving for 2 years in Japan, and that was that. So, I am sure she's not happy.
3rd Girl - She hooked up with a guy for 2 years, and they were fine. But then she wanted to stop the sex. He said it was fine. One day when she wanted some company, and asked him over, he said he'd only come if she was giving sex. She told him friends hang out, and he says he won't mind, but wants sex with it, and he won't just hang with her without it. So, she wasn't even his friend. So, it wasn't FWB. The guy labeled her a fuck buddy, and she's only going to get to keep him for a bit if she gives sex.
4th girl. Worst of all. Candy. She's simply a fuck buddy. The guy has a girlfriend, He said he thought she was cute, and that he'd hang out with her if he got to sleep with her. She said it was fine. Now, she's is starting to like him and wants to date him, officially. And she wants him to leave his girlfriend. And now he told her he'd drop her if she didn't do what he wanted. She says the thought upsets her-but she likes him too much to leave. He blows her off sometimes, wants her to be his little slut, blocks her on facebook, and blows off her concerns of feeling used. But she keeps chasing and throwing herself at him, despite his lack of respect for her. She hates on his girlfriend and calls her ugly. And recently, he blocked her on facebook again, and she's been blocked for 1 week. After saying he didn't want sex anymore because she was catching feelings. So then he tells her she can sleep with other guys. And that upset her because she feels that means he doesn't like her. So, she seems very pathetic. She won't leave though. Long as he'll keep her around. She wanted him to call it off, because she can't walk away. They've been together 6 months. She got attached, now she's hurt because he hasn't, and won't leave his girlfriend to date her. He almost broke up with his girlfriend at one point, but even then, he told Candy he didn't want to date her. But, he ended up going back to his girlfriend.
So, just all this to think about before fooling around. It seems like casual fun, but has a way of turning ugly and being more work and drama than fun.
So, if you're someone that easily gets attached, or sex is emotional for you, I advise against it. Otherwise, if you just wanna meet for sex every now and then and want it to be kinky fun, that's fine too. Just don't read too much into the relationship.
But main rule is, it's not a committed relationship, thus it doesn't have to be monogamous. In other words, if one of you wants to hook up with other people, it's fine, because you're not dating, so there's no loyalty needed. And the other would have no rights to complain.
So, I also advise against it if you're the possessive or jealous type.
This post has been edited by VanillaChocolate: Sun Apr 06, 2014 10:06 AM
Posted Sun Apr 06, 2014 10:31 AM
Rules? By all means. Discuss and agree on as many "what if" as you can think of. Arguably the most important one would be what if one of you start growing more than just friendly feelings for the other. Then, as weird as it may sound, would the both of you be OK with you two having sex with others? Although FWB is not an exclusive arrangement some people can and do get quite possessive.
To make the long story short, this is what I do. Just because we are having sex that doesn't give her any more rights on my time than any other of my friends have. Saying and getting a No on occasions is not a big deal. We all have other things going on in our lives and I understand that my FWB can't be available whenever I get an erection. But I expect nothing less in return. I might not be all happy to jump out of my bed if she calls me at 2PM to scratch that itch she's having. I usually don't go out for coffee, lunch, dinner, whatnot with my FWBs. With some that is not an issue but with most it is as they see it as a sign of something more going on. Basically, sex with a FWB pretty much is like any another activity I would would have with my friends. I don't go out drinking, fishing, dancing, cooking, whatnot every day with my friends. As much as appealing as it may be to some, I don't fuck my FWBs every day.
Another thing to consider would be how important she is as a friend to me. Is having sex which potentially could ruin the friendship worth the trouble? I honestly don't bother myself too much with this. If she really is my friend then she should have no problems staying friends one day when sex dries out. And it will at some point. I have no problems having sex with my friends and staying friends even after we stop having it. Problem is, most people are not like that.
Can it ruin the friendship? Of course it can. What people think, say, or do is hardly ever the same thing. They say let's just fuck but then start growing feelings, turn jealous, whatnot. Just an example from my experience. Have been with that FWB for about 3 years and while being back home for the last New Year holidays I thought recharging my batteries for some rainy days would be a good idea. Rainy days as in going back to Afghanistan and having a long dry spell. So we went on fucking like bunnies several days in a row. Which was great. Last two days of my leave were for me to take care of some other stuff and get myself ready for the flight. Not so great was her calling and texting several times during those two days and then some more in the following days. Not so great at all was the tone and context of those calls and texts. She was almost making plans for us to go somewhere on holidays, even moving in together when I come back. Long story short, I had to let her go.
Again, it's a very fine line to walk. FWB looks brilliant as a concept but very few manage to have it working for more than couple of months before things start going south.
Whatever you decide to do I wish you all the best.
Posted Sun Apr 06, 2014 01:44 PM
But being myself FWB for few ladies, its perfectly alright as far as girls dont include feelings.
Posted Sun Apr 06, 2014 04:24 PM
and some men can also not separate feelings from sex, depends on the actual person.
Posted Sun Apr 06, 2014 04:52 PM
I do believe sex is an emotional thing for most girls...not all though. Just always keep your emotions in check and no wjerevyou stand....you are a side chick.
If u can keep your emotions in check...have fun
Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk
Posted Sun Apr 06, 2014 05:05 PM
So I learned to separate sex and friendship. My sexual exploits stay in a different box from the rest of my life. I lose fewer friends that way.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the FWBs I had. But it is a relationship that seems to be unstable. Sooner or later, one person ends up wanting more than the other.
Posted Sun Apr 06, 2014 08:06 PM
I don't believe girls always fall for the guys... I think sometimes one person thinks that being a FWB will lead to dating and get disappointed when that doesn't happen... But really it's not that hard to separate your feelings... I wouldn't try to be FWB with someone that you are actually interested because that will just lead to disappointment... but if you seriously are not into the guy and just looking for a means to an end why not... have fun... be safe... live your life!!
Posted Mon Apr 07, 2014 08:13 AM
Ex xoxo xoxo
Posted Sat Apr 12, 2014 12:31 AM
To this day, I can guarantee you if we had kept it FWB we'd still be friends, we'd still be having amazing sex, and we'd still be able to do our thing. It would been so freeing and fun. But I got caught up in labels and wanting to "possess" her on a "higher" physical and emotional level. Instead of letting things be and just accepting and enjoying the moment.
This post has been edited by rnbnikes: Sat Apr 12, 2014 12:32 AM
Posted Sat Apr 12, 2014 08:27 AM
As soon as 'rules and guidelines' start appearing, then it'll become a chore, not a playful thing.
Posted Sat Apr 12, 2014 11:59 AM
More often then not though, that is hardly ever really the case, people do become attached, when you find the right guy for it though, its great.
Posted Sat Apr 12, 2014 05:17 PM
The best kind are those that you can each randomly call the other for sex and if your schedules match you go for it and, if not, there's next time. If it becomes regular then it can quickly become a relationship.
I've had some turn into relationships (my wife started off as a FWB).
Posted Tue Apr 15, 2014 07:33 AM
Good luck. Hope it goes better than all the ones I have seen. Where they get complicated because the girls get emotional and read more into it. Happened around 8 times that I've seen. Thus far, and the number just keeps going up on the advice and anwers site I am a member of. So, I see more of that.
Though one woman said she has tons of "boy toys" and doesn't care to date at all. She actually seems to come off as sexist and a man-hater. Anyhow, she says the guys she's with are the ones that get silly. Either they start acting like jerks, or they get attached and/or needy.
This post has been edited by VanillaChocolate: Tue Apr 15, 2014 07:36 AM
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