Is this the hymen?
Posted Wed Apr 16, 2014 08:15 PM
I've always had trouble inserting ANYTHING into my vagina. My boyfriend and I of course want to have sex but can't.. he can barely stick a finger in there, and only if i'm in a special mood, which happens maybe once a month (where I get relaxed enough to want something like that inside me, but only a finger barely fits).
So if that picture illustrates what a hymen looks like, then I do have one, and it looks just like that. The vaginal opening itself is TINY, I can barely see mine, sometimes I can't at all, it's just shut between that tissue that looks like a little donut... well.. I don't really know what to do. We've tried having sex and it never works; either hurts a lot or it doesn't go in at all. I know there's a surgery I could get but it'd cost me a lot I'm sure, as I doubt my insurance would cover it...I just want to make sure that this is my problem, so I know what to say to the gyno. I'm 20 and haven't gone yet.
Posted Wed Apr 16, 2014 08:21 PM
What you need to to buy dilators. I use them. And they come in 5 sizes. And you start with the smallest, and work up. It comes with a small packet of lube. But you may need to buy more. You can find it all on amazon. "Vaginal dilators" And it's cheaper than surgery. I also considered that. But this works better for me. it may work for you as well.
You insert, and it's to help control the vaginal muscles better so you don't clench up upon insertion. And it provides some stretching as well. If you go too long without it though, the vagina will tighten back up again, because it's elastic. So, you have to keep up using them. Instructions say 4-5 times a week. But I use mine daily, or try to.
So, what I did was bought the dilators. I put them in at least once daily. You can do more, which I advice for quicker results. Slowly push it in. When it starts to sting or hurt, stop, then breathe, and start to slowly push in again, very slowly, while opening up a bit more. When it's all the way in, retract and expand your vaginal muscles around it, and move it around a bit. Up, Down, left, right, etc. Leave them in at least 10-15 min.
I sometimes sleep in mine, so they're in for a few hours. And I went up 1 size every week on the 1st 3. The 3rd took 2 weeks to adjust to because it hurt, so I was reluctant to do it as much, but then I realized I was trying to hard, and making it more complicated. So when I slowed down, and took my time inserting it, and breathing, it felt fine. No pain at all, sans a few lapses where i'll mash something. lol Now, I am on size for which looks big for someone that has penetration issues. But I just slowly push it in, very slowly. Probably takes 30 sec to 2 min. But it doesn't hurt, and I leave it in to adjust.
So, I recommend those for you. It'll take some time. But some women have to take extra measures before they can enjoy sex because they're very tight. I haven't had sex yet, but if I had tried, it would've been hell, and had to stop. So, I am getting ready now, to be better prepared.
So, I think tightness may be a big issue for you, and it's hard to relax so you clench up a bit. I know all about it. When I used the 3rd dilator, it hurt, I always felt I was hitting something in the back, then I always had to pee. But the 4th one is bigger, and longer, and I don't have the issues I did with the 3rd. So, whatever I was doing wrong, it's being corrected.
Now, you and your boyfriend can try sex, and use lube. But don't use oil based, because they can cause infection. Same with Vaseline. Use a water-based lube. Spread it on the vaginal are, and your boyfriend's penis. That's what I do with my dilators. Then have him slowly push in. As soon as it starts to hurt, tell him to stop and just hold it there-don't make him pull out, because you have to start over, and aren't letting yourself adjust properly. Breathe, relax, expand a bit, and let him push in a bit more. And that may work,
But some women that were tight said even lube didn't help, and sex still hurt even weeks after they got married. So, if you're just very tight, lube will not help because your vagina isn't use to large insertion. You're not dry, you're tight, and need help with expanding yourself. Lube lets it slide in with no scraping. But the stretching of skin will still hurt like hell. You will have to start small, and gradually open it, and until then, penetration sex may be a ways off.
This post has been edited by VanillaChocolate: Wed Apr 16, 2014 08:34 PM
Posted Wed Apr 16, 2014 08:33 PM