In need of education PLEASE.
Posted Thu Sep 11, 2014 06:57 PM
I can't understand as my category is "straight" - I want to understand - an my question is tendered with the utmost respect.
Any Takers on my question. I appreciate its personal and its private - but I'd really like to understand.
Posted Thu Sep 11, 2014 07:29 PM
Let's put it this way. Explain how you know that you prefer men rather than woman. (rhetorical question, but I think you get my point.)
In many cases BDSM is even a fetish that people are born with. (not that orientation is a fetish, just a side note)
Posted Thu Sep 11, 2014 09:07 PM
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 03:43 AM
Well basically, gay/straight is an orientation thing, where as trans/crossdressing is an identity thing.
I didnt really understand orientation until I was in my teens, since Im pansexual, Im attracted to everyone and always have been. I didnt become sexually attracted to people until puberty. So that was a bit confusing learning that everyone wasnt that way haha. Cant really choose who you like right? Cant even really explain it. You just like someone. I personally never cared about what bits they were working with so long as they were a good person.
Similar to orientation, identity isnt chosen either. Someone who is assigned male at birth and feels like a female, or vice-verse, usually knows from as early on as they can remember. My first memories are wearing my mommys clothes and being confused why dad wouldnt let me use the girls restrooms. However, you can choose how you present your identity which is where you get crossdressing, hormone replacement therapy and body modification such as plastic surgery, tattoos, piercing and scarification.
Identity is a funny one. We all have this mental self image of ourselves. Most of us look in the mirror and it matches what we see in our mind. Some of us dont...eating disorders work the same way, for example. For us trans people and otherkin, (thats a whole fun different subject Im not gonna get into in this response) what we see in the mirror doesnt match up with what we perceive in our minds so it creates a very powerful disconnect between the two. This is known as body dysphoria and it suuuucks. Every time I looked at my chest it was like, "well thats not right..." all the other girls had boobs! WHY NOT MEEEEEE?!?! Or better yet, looking down at my dangly bits and being like "WHYYYYY?!?!"
hahaha I joke about it now but honestly that shit sucked...and it almost did me in a few times...
Kinda feels like being stuck in a Halloween costume you cant EVER take off.
Its such a powerful feeling that it creates mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Coupled with the social stigma of boys never ever allowed to be feminine, this is a huge factor in why suicide rates for trans people is so high. For people like me, with multiple identity disorder and schizophrenia and a whole plethora of other mental health issues, it just made it worse. Professionals (and my own fucking parents) passed me off as crazy and kept me from getting the help I needed, which was hormone therapy. They refused to believe I was capable of making my own decisions or even knowing who/what the fuck I am...
I may have one foot outside of reality at all times, but I know who I am.
Crossdressing is wayyyyyy less chaotic than trans issues...but it has wayyyy more reasons of why people do it. Its kinda an identity thing, but mostly a comfort thing from what I understand. Some guys just like the feel of girls clothes. Our clothes are soft and tight. Thats comforting to people for various reasons. Just the same as some girls like guy clothes for the opposite reasons - less constricting. Others like crossdressing because it turns them on. Seeing a hot guy in some cute little girls panties is pretty damn hot, I must admit. So is a beautiful woman stripping off her makeup, binding her chest and dressing up in some hot guy clothes. Theres a million and a half reasons why some like to crossdress really.
And then theres your femboys. My favorite! Theyre a bit different from your run of the mill crossdresser. Usually genderfluid boys that are really into feminine stuff and usually present androgynous but still identify as male. Usually. Like everything, theres varying ends of the spectrum. I only know a small handful of genderfluid people and femboys like my Mistress and my current boyfriend. Mistress Lily is genderfluid and my bf is an androgynous trans boy (FtM).
hahahaha Im the only one in the relationship with a dick ...the three of us are a very strange polyamorous relationship thats for sure...we definitely turn a lot of heads...
I hope that helped a bit...lol kind of an explosion of information...
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 04:27 AM
I believe I need to read it many more times - there's so much content - underneath the content.
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 05:14 AM
lol hopefully I didnt confuse you too badly, I get lost in my head sometimes responding to things...
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 12:21 PM
Every person on the planet is an INDIVIDUAL. No two people are the SAME - ok - maybe twins.
The problem is PREJUDICE.
we all have prejudices - mine include a hatred of noisy anti social neighbours - people who are cruel to any animal or other person.
I believe my personal prejudices are justified. They are based on personal experience and documented/ validated.
The problem - I believe - is irrational prejudice - born out of ignorance - fear - an people not thinking / acting as individuals - ie those who follow like sheep OR follow out of fear for THEMSELVES being DIFFERENT from their friends/family/employer/politics.
Thus - ANYONE - who IS different from the main - become TARGETS - of abuse - and worse - i.e genocide.
Hence - ANYONE who is different from the main would suffer emotionally - physically - IF they were ON THEIR OWN - so I guess it follows that these different individuals prefer company with peeps of similar "differences" - be it sexuality - religion - politics - thus in THEIR groups they find understanding - tolerance - company. If there are none others there is only isolation - stigma -lonliness.
Tasha - have I got it now xx
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 02:10 PM
The problem is PREJUDICE.
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 02:21 PM
An Tasha - again THANK YOU for explaining at a level I could understand.
( minx brain ticking ..... )
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 02:40 PM
And its no problem at all hun, lol being openly trans, I tend to answer a TON of questions like this on a daily basis.
This post has been edited by TraptasticTasha: Fri Sep 12, 2014 02:45 PM
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 07:53 PM
Tasha, as always, provided many excellent points and things to think about. I'll add my own thoughts.
Minx, as a heterosexual woman of experience, you might well approach a gay man with wonder. You might think, the female body is wonderfully beautiful (and I'll certainly agree) so why isn't that good enough? And, a woman is uniquely equipped to give a man otherworldly pleasure, so how could a man prefer cuddling with another man? And perhaps, how could a man surrender, willingly give up his masculinity, and allow himself be penetrated by another man?
But being gay, lesbian, or straight is more than just about who we prefer to have sex with, it's also about who we love, and who we need love from.
I'm absolutely, completely comfortable with my boyfriend. He is my very best friend, and my equal, socially, intellectually, professionally. There are bonds of trust, love, and companionship between us that are unshakable. We love being together, in bed, of course, and out. But beyond that, we NEED to be together. As gay men, we both need that emotional connection with another man to feel complete. If we don't have that, we feel empty, alone, isolated, incomplete. We need to love and be loved, and only another man can fill that void we feel.
Like Tasha, I knew I was gay, or strongly bisexual, from an early age. It's interesting - you'll find that most will discover their sexual identity and orientation well before they even fully understand what sex is. I had very little concept of what two men did in bed together, but - somehow - I knew I wanted to go to bed with another man.
Also from a very early age, I felt very feminine inside. I want to state clearly the identifying as feminine is VERY different from acting effeminate. If you ever met me in person, you'd swear I was the straightest arrow in the quiver. In appearance: muscled, furry, masculine, the works. Just as Tasha said, though, that's not how I feel on the inside, the "interior me." I feel deeply feminine, and I have a profound need to BE feminine, and to have a masculine lover. I have a decidedly feminine sexual psyche - submissive, obedient, compliant, shy, yearning to please, demure; I am Yin.
I wear panties - and bras, bustiers, camis, teddies, stockings, garterbelts, garterskirts - to show outwardly how I feel inside. When I do wear men's underwear, I'm in some small bikini brief or thong. My boyfriend loves seeing me and making love to me in my feminine things - the contrast, the dichotomy, of the obviously masculine in feminine underwear, fiercely arouses him.
I am a pure bottom. I love - I need - to be penetrated. I have no sexual or emotional need or desire to get my cock up another man's ass. But I ADORE having my man inside me; when the man I love has his penis in me, I feel complete, whole, at peace. I have a profound sense of this-is-who-I-am, this-is-what-I-was-made-for, and it feels so warm, so comfortable, so loving. I'm not a woman, obviously, but in those moments, I feel how I imagine a woman must feel when the man she loves is inside her. There is nothing on this earth I love more than being face-down on the bed, my boyfriend draped over me, his weight pressing me into the bed. I feel his warm breath on my neck, his broad chest rising and falling against my back as he floats in and out of consciousness (he is such a GUY!), and his big, handsome penis is still buried in me, balls-deep, hard, and huge, after pumping two loads of his sweet semen into me. I imagine I love those same things about sex with my man that a woman loves about sex with her man.
My boyfriend is quintessentially masculine; he hasn't an iota of femininity (he once pulled on one of my panties for fun; he couldn't get them off fast enough!) He is all-man, aggressive, assertive, dominant, and particularly in bed, raw, animal, lusty. He is Yang. But he's also loving, gentle, affectionate, caring, passionate; all those wonderful qualities a woman wants and needs from a man in a relationship and in the bedroom are the same things I want and need from my man. He's also quite gay, and a pure top. He will not - ever - submit to penetration, and he even admitted to me when we met that he didn't like sucking another man's cock, though in the years we've been together he's grown to love sucking me, and he's incredibly good at it. What he most loves, what fulfills him more than anything, is getting his cock in me and fucking me. He is a magnificent lover, he wields his cock with delightful skill and remarkable stamina, and I satisfy that primal urge, that male need that drives him, to mount, penetrate, and plant his seed in his mate. In doing so, he fulfills me, as I have that deep feminine need, that desire, to be mounted, penetrated, and to accept his seed.
But as I mentioned earlier, being gay is much more than just about sex, although the sex is exquisite. It's about intimacy, about a relationship with another man into which you commit everything. To be able to bare my body and my soul to the man I love makes me whole; to be completely, totally, utterly naked, vulnerable, and exposed - not just in the physical sense of being nude, but in the emotional sense - doesn't weaken me, it strengthens me. We share everything, our fears, our dreams, our desires, our triumphs, our fantasies (some so blisteringly naughty I cannot print them here), with complete trust, love, and support. The comfort of being with him, embracing him, kissing him, cuddling with him, fulfills me.
Why do a man and a woman fall in love? It's a connection, spiritual, emotional, and physical. Why - how - do two men fall in love? For many of the same reasons.
Dear Minx, I do hope this helps, at least a bit. I'm always very happy to answer any questions one might ask of me.
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 08:16 PM
Not least because this is how I feel about my Lover EXACTLY - EXACTLY.
THANK YOU xx
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 08:40 PM
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 09:29 PM
Posted Fri Sep 12, 2014 11:14 PM
Posted Fri Nov 14, 2014 11:43 PM
I have such admiration to your openness and willingness to discuss it here, So many people are confused by societies perceptions that they remain blind to what you've just explained so clearly.. Thank you. So love you for being a part of sf..
Hugs to all of you.
Posted Sun Nov 23, 2014 07:29 AM
Oh and Nicky60, you have a definate way with words. It's exactly how you would explain love. xx
Posted Sun Nov 23, 2014 09:14 AM
I also believe that everybody has these tendencies , more or less.
Civilisation progressed more, in societies where free sexual expression flourished.