Confidence/how to meet girls
Posted Mon Mar 30, 2015 02:52 PM
If I am in a bar and I see a girl I think is pretty, as much as I would love to go up to here I never know what to say or do. Chatting on here is fine, but a girl in person I get so nervous.
Any tips on how to approach a girl and not make a fuck of myself?
Posted Mon Mar 30, 2015 03:32 PM
One of the easiest ways to start a conversation, and this sounds a little simple and stupid but just be calm, smile, look them in the eyes and simply ask them there name or buy them a drink. Have a friend introduce you. Say "how are you tonight". Compliment them on something. Eyes, hair, lipstick, a sports team or a city if they're wearing something like that. Just about anything to spark up a conversation. Just keep it simple, be honest and don't get too sexual with your comment. Stay away from "your ass looks great in those jeans". That's just creepy. Maybe something like "that's a beautiful necklace. It looks great on you". Who knows, it may something that they like b/c they got it as a gift. It's sentimental and they'll appreciate that you noticed.
Once you have sparked up a conversation just try to avoid awkward moments and the best way to do this is keeping the conversation going. How do you do that? Ask them questions about themselves. I don't mean this in a bad way, and it's all people not just women, but people love to talk about themselves. Ask them where they went to school, major, what hobbies the like, job, brothers and sisters. Once they start talking about that kind of stuff just keep asking more questions from their answers. Look at them in the eyes (and not at their tits) and genuinely be interested. LISTEN to what they're saying. Quite honestly when I would do this after striking up a conversation I'd get to realize they weren't my type or they didn't seem that cool, so it's beneficial both ways.
If the conversation is going well you can buy them a drink, do a shot together, ask them to play pool, darts, a video game, dancing, smoke a cigarette. Whatever. Just keep the flow going and try to avoid awkwardness. One of the most important things to remember is to be confident and genuinely intrigued by the conversation.
Also it's imoprtant to remeber that even the most good looking, confident guys get rejected. Especially in bars. If they say they don't they're liars. It's a numbers game. You can't expect to go up to one girl, get a number (or go home with her) and call it a night. 10 girls might say no in a row. Don't take it personal or get bitter. The next one could be the one.
As far as going out, I have no idea where you hang out or what you look like, but dress up nice for where you are going. This has worked for me in dive bars, concerts, clubs, etc. Even if you're in a dive bar take pride in your appearance. Shave, smell good, clean ironed clothes, hair done. I'm not saying wear a tux to a dive bar, dress appropriately for where you are going and look good. It never hurts to be dressed well and it's always better to be over dressed than under dressed.
When you look good you feel good and that builds confidence. It also doesn't hurt to be funny, which luckily I can be sometimes, but trust me I've said some stupid shit and strike out plenty, but deciding to not care anymore and throwing caution to the wind was the best thing I ever did. I only wish I had done it earlier.
Anyway, hope this helps. Now go out and meet a hot chick
Posted Mon Mar 30, 2015 08:57 PM
Posted Mon Mar 30, 2015 10:01 PM
just one thing to add - if you have a conversation with a girl and it goes well but she's not interested at the end of it, don't treat it as a failure. every conversation you have will make the next one easier, even if the end result wasn't exactly what you were after.
some good conversation starters that i've been receptive to are:
-compliments on my clothes. one guy told me that i looked extremely stylish that night and as I'm pretty into fashion it really worked with me.
-discussing whatever it is that i'm drinking. one time i ordered a jager bomb at a bar and got into a conversation with the two guys next to me about it.
-one time two guys got into a fight near me and i got pushed into a wall accidentally while they were getting escorted out, a guy asked me if I was ok and talked about how the other guys were idiots and we started talking from that.
conversation starters are all around you and in my experience, those are the things that work the best because it's common ground.
if someone shuts you down and is super awful though and you're just starting a conversation in a non-sleazy way then that's an issue with them, not you. i am always receptive to any guys trying to talk to me, even if i'm not particularly interested in them, and so are most of the girls that i know, so don't be too afraid.
Posted Tue Mar 31, 2015 06:42 AM
I just find my mind goes blank, never can think of anything to say.
My friend once told me that if I never got her back into bed then it was a failure...knowing him as I do, I pretty much know that is a very stupid outlook on it.
Posted Tue Mar 31, 2015 07:23 AM
To add to what have been said so far ... keep in mind that girls are people just like you and everyone else. They have their own fears, insecurities, whatnot but because of the fact that it is us guys who are expected to approach it's somewhat easier for them.
Another thing a lot of guys are having problems with is that there is no such thing as a failure. They can "reject" you for hundreds of reasons where a lot of those has nothing to do with you, what you have or have not said or done. It's as simple as that. If you get "rejected" don't be an arse or think too much about it. Be cool, say something nice and move on. By "rejecting" you that girl saved you a lot of time, and perhaps some money you would spend on buying drinks. You are now free to use that time on another girl who might be more friendly.
One bit from my personal experience. I used to actively "chase" girls when I was much younger but haven't done that in ages. Instead of "conquering" I try to attract them. What I do is to express my interest and create a space for her to enter when and if she feels comfortable to do so. This is not to say that I just sit idle and let them come to me, not at all, it still takes some work on my part.
You are much more relaxed and fun to have around if you are not in a rush to "get" a girl. Remember, you don't need a girl to have fun and enjoy life. Yes, it is nice to have a cute girl around but if you can't have fun on your own she will make no difference. If you are having fun and enjoying your time where ever and when ever that might be you will be surprised with how many girls want to join in on the fun.
Posted Tue Mar 31, 2015 07:51 AM
And finally, assuming you are looking for something other than a one night stand - you are going to get turned down by, rejected by, broken up with everyone except the last one. May as well get started.
Posted Tue Mar 31, 2015 08:38 AM
I don't know how to do the copy/paste thing in forums so I apologize if this is wrong. First want to say, wow Thanks Saint, that's very kind. And I love what SirFoggy (I think it was him) about blood and broken bones. It hurts at first sometimes but it's not the end of the world.
Posted Tue Mar 31, 2015 10:54 AM
Is it ok to ask a girl for her number the first time you chat
Posted Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:58 AM
Posted Tue Mar 31, 2015 05:03 PM
Don't ask for her phone number too soon, leave it for when you are about to end the first meet. If you do it too early you may come across as needy which never is a good thing. Once you get it, and make sure it's her actual phone number don't just take off. Stay around for couple of minutes longer, have some small talk, finish your drink, whatever and then leave.
Don't just say "what's your phone number?", give her a reason to give it to you. Something like "look, I'll be busy with some stuff but I'll need your number if I want to take you out for a cup of coffee or something." Doesn't have to be something super convincing or elaborate or anything but most times an "excuse" is better than none.
What I've found out is that some girls will give you a number just to get rid of you. As you will find out a day or two later on it wasn't hr number at all. There are few things you can do in order to avoid this. One is to ask her to give you a missed call which serves two purposes. She will have your number in her calls log and you are sure it's her actual phone number. Or get her to put her number in your phone, and then ring her right there so that she can program your name in her phone. This avoids her seeing a number she doesn't recognize later on. Mission accomplished!
Oh, there's another small detail ... When you start talking to a woman, what is your intention? Do you just want to get her phone number? Do you want to get a date? Or it's the first-date lay you have in mind? Most guys just don't know and that's one of the main reasons why the things are much harder for them then they should be. So once you figure out what outcome you want with a girl just keep focused on what you need to do next and don't stop until you get that outcome.
Posted Wed Apr 01, 2015 02:50 PM
Is it ok to ask a girl for her number the first time you chat
yes it is!
imagine how difficult it is for us girls too!! believe me we are under as much pressure as guys. when a guy does come to chat to us we are just as nervous as you and if you do ask us for our number then wow we must have done something right
p.s shyness in a guy can be really endearing! girls don't always want an arrogant prick
Posted Thu Apr 02, 2015 08:08 AM
I guess I have never thought about it from a girls perspective before, I guess everyone is nervous at various points.
Posted Thu Apr 02, 2015 08:38 AM
Just imagine ur talking to a Normal female totally .. you just asking her any question , her name , whatever you notice on her .. , clear Ur mind !! and dont think at that moment * this girl is so pretty she wont even pay attention to meh * . just be normal be urself and act like she`s a totally normal one like any other girl you talk to .
This post has been edited by Vodka: Thu Apr 02, 2015 08:39 AM
Posted Thu Apr 02, 2015 08:57 AM
Posted Mon Apr 06, 2015 12:45 PM
So thanks guys, I mean there is nothing to say this will end up going anywhere, its just cool that I was able to get a girls number!
Posted Sat Apr 11, 2015 04:37 PM
It is fine, but whether she gives it to you or not depends on the girl and whether she is into you enough, even then she might say she is not interested.
Posted Sat Apr 11, 2015 05:33 PM
1) Don't walk up thinking you've got "game" , they can smell that at ten miles & avoid it like Hell .
2) Don't puff up & try to be more than you really are , be the real you , girls like a guy with only one face , two faced guys never get that 2nd date
3) Never try dropping "Pick Up Lines" , the most successful line I've ever seen is "Hello my name is __________ , nice to meet you , may I sit down & perhaps buy you a drink & talk for a bit"?
Sincere interest & the lack of BS will carry you far >:]