Should i do as she said?
Posted Sat Nov 14, 2015 10:43 PM
But you might guess the sex life isn't so great... i don't bother asking her for sex anymore, as she is ultra-tired most of the time. When she is in the house, my duty is to maintain peace and calm with the kids so she can rest. She wants sex maybe once or twice a month, and sometimes she gives me a complimentary blowjob. She's been telling me to get my sex elsewhere for years now, but i haven't felt such an urgency to do it yet. I'm a big boy and take care of myself, and since i have no real free time to go out to get another woman, well, i have to do it by myself.
That was until a few weeks ago. wet to pickup a few things at a small grocery near my job (a small village) and the cashier ther on the evening shift is absolutely gorgeous; a slender elegant brunette with a superb smile that lights up the instant i set foot in the place. The way she smiles at me brightens my day a lot, and we do the timid small talk at the cash while other clients wait... There's a sort of electricity i feel passing and i long to get an occasion to talk to her alone for just a few minutes, and maybe ask her number. As i leave the place she follows me with her stare, and as i turn back just to see if she looks, she still smiles at me in that bright and warming way that i have to smile back at her.
I truly wonder what to do. I want to talk to her bad, and yes i imagine her naked by my side in a bed; but i also know it would be foolish to scrap our family for just a flirt. And GF keeps telliong me "if you need sex so much just go get it elsewhere"... I'm wondering at what stage of the flirt i should talk to her about it.
Posted Sun Nov 15, 2015 01:29 AM
Talk to her about your needs. Yes guys need sex but they need intimacy as well. I know that couples should kiss for 5 minutes everyday even if it doesn't lead to sex. How about giving each other a quick shoulder massage or even just showering together can help you get the intimacy that you need. Us guys see sex as a way to get our intimacy needs but really there are other ways to get that as I have mentioned above. And by doing things like that together plus masturbating and the odd bj may be all that you need.
Posted Sun Nov 15, 2015 03:40 AM
Is the cashier married? Do you know anything about her?
Posted Sun Nov 15, 2015 06:05 AM
If is really wants u to get somewhere else and she truly ok with it
But be honest with her
Tell u need both from her sex and closeness if she can't give u the sex and tells u go find it other place u have the chance of losing her or she might just love the whole thing
U Ned to sit down and talk to her
Posted Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:10 PM
Posted Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:40 PM
Posted Sun Nov 15, 2015 04:58 PM
White Rabbit brings up a good point- would it be possible to cut an extra expense or 2 and take some pressure off her? If she is "ultra tired" all the time, that's not healthy or enjoyable. I've been there. Perhaps the simplest solution here would be for her to find a different job.
Posted Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:01 PM
Are you willing to risk what you have for this ?
What if it ends badly ?
Women can often say something & think they can cope with the emotion that comes from it just to find out they couldn't .
Men think in facts logic mostly , we don't lean heavily on our emotions , where as ladies act on emotion much more often .
You going else where could lead to her feeling unwanted , that's the worst thing wives can feel , trust a 25 year veteran of the institution of marriage .
Think discuss this long-n-hard before you act plz .
Posted Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:52 PM
Of course i don't plan on coming home for dinner on night and telling her " oh, by the way i banged the cashier". I was thinking more of getting to talk to the girl a bit, knowing more about her and what she wants, before getting too far, i'd talk to my GF, at some point.
The real sadness of our situation is that we're kinda stuck together. To make ends meet, we need our jobs, we mostly need her to work at that job; but she still needs me to make my payments, and to take care of our kids, as she is not there so often, and when she is there, she is really short fused (she is also on medication). I would not be confident to leave her alone with the kids for a week or two without help, and she admitted it herself. Divorcing would only get us poorer each on our own, on top of messing with our kids well-being.
So the whole banging the cashier thing would be kind of egoistic, but at the core of my soul i long to be appreciated and desired, and to be able to love carnally. Appreciation from my GF comes only a little more often than sex. Today i spent the day working around the house, installing the new stairs, cooking for the week so she'd have lunches ready and quick worry-free dinners, i broomed and washed the floors and did a shitload of laundry, and still found time to play with ou daughters and start crafting a dollhouse with my oldest for my youngest, and all she did tonite before going to bed was telling how grumpy i was because i wouldn't come sit with them in front of the TV. I want her or anyone to love me a bit. My daughters love me and are very showing of their love, but a man needs a woman who will love him, not just the love of his kids.
Posted Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:37 PM
I couldn't live with betraying my wife .
Posted Tue Nov 17, 2015 07:53 PM
I understand your side of things better after your second Post but I am curious what her explanation would be. My chosen career required me to work long hours and was frequently on "travel" but I don't agree that gave me permission or a reason to be surly at home despite me providing the majority of the finances.
Posted Tue Nov 17, 2015 08:56 PM
I was feeling that way the other day, but we talked some bits, and in the end its not happening. I mean, i haven't even seen that cashier again, let alone got the opportunity to talk to her. And i don't think its gonna happen in fact either. I know i wouldn't scrap our relationship for a piece of ass. SHe stil told me the same thing, but she kinda said it in a way taht told she was not okay with it, like women often do. I guess we all had that "go ahead and go out with your friends scene" at some point, it felt the same. I'm still left on my appetites and still feel no more appreciation however, and i still am supportive for her.
On another note, in eneral, don't you fell there is kind of a double standard for that kind of situation? In many discussions i had with pals, and overheard for girly talk, there seems to be a huge difference in the acceptation IN GENERAL, there are always exceptions. Take first that situation : one part of the couple wants a night out with friends only, leaving the other at home with the kids or not. If the guy asks for it, and the girl doesn't want, she'll necessarily bitch about that saying "that's it go get drunk at strippers and leave me alone, you immature bastard i dare you". If the girl wants to go out, and the guy would rather have her stay, well the guy is " an oppressive asshole who doesn't understand my needs as a woman to let it go sometimes". Understand? in either way, its the guy who's the immature asshole. In the other situation; the couple's sex drives don't match, and one considers having an affair to get his/her needs fulfilled. If the guy does, he's an outright selfish asshole, he's an unfaithful bastard and a cheater. While some of his friends in that same situation may agrree with him, the majority of his friends will likely regard him as a bastard and even lose some trust in him. While with a woman, if she does, she might get some negative remarks, but most of her friends are likely to support her in her saying that "I was not feeling fulfilled as a woman, he didn't understand my basic needs, and i did this because he neglected me". The nuance here, is i think an unfaithful woman is much more likely to be approved among her friends and relatives that a man doing the same, ever had that feeling? A woman has to be free to express her sexuality to be at peace with herself while a man has to shut up and endure.
Posted Sat Nov 28, 2015 03:34 AM
But life as a woman is still a lot more shit than life as a man. for instance, we work the same hours for less money. See the statistics.
You sound like a good man and it's a shame she isn't showing you appreciation. Perhaps you should talk about it, not about the sex part. Somewhere, in the matter-of-fact, witty-gritty of life, the tenderness of your relationship got lost and it became a room mates kind of arrangements.
Show appreciation for her side of the bargain. Tell her about the things she does you admire and are grateful for. She'll probably answer in the same way. Tell her you want the both of you being more "sweethearts" and less cranky.
Posted Sun Nov 29, 2015 10:16 AM
Posted Sun Nov 29, 2015 10:27 AM
Of course there is the standard warning, often women tell their men this when they themselves are already getting fucked outside the relationship. makes their conscience feel better if you too are fucking other people. so maybe do a quick investigative look to make sure she is not cuckolding you secretly. lol
This post has been edited by spud14: Sun Nov 29, 2015 10:28 AM
Posted Wed Dec 23, 2015 03:50 PM
Posted Thu Dec 24, 2015 02:27 PM
I can't stress this enough. Even if she means it, she'll un-mean it when she finds out you're drilling the cute little perky cashier at the local grocery store.
I'm not saying don't do it. I'm saying do it...bang that cashier. But absolutely do not take any of your girlfriend's shit when she tries to light you up.
This post has been edited by ilyushin: Thu Dec 24, 2015 02:28 PM
Posted Thu Jan 28, 2016 02:02 AM
Posted Thu Feb 04, 2016 05:12 PM
well that is because you are not thinking like a cheater. maybe they go out to the parking lot at lunchtime at work, drive around to the back, and fuck for a quick 15 minutes? Maybe they drive to some nearby park, fuck, and return to work before the lunch break is over.
don't get me wrong, she probably is not. but a total lack of sex at home is a BIG red flag to do at least a little snooping. like you show up at work at lunch time to surprise her, and if she is not there and everyone stares at you oddly....snoop some more! lol
This post has been edited by spud14: Thu Feb 04, 2016 05:13 PM