Complete n00b trying to get a girl
Posted Thu Nov 19, 2015 11:18 AM
There's this girl I like. She's a friend of a friend, I've met about five times at various parties and we always get on great.
She's known for a while that I like her. A few weeks ago we were talking (in person, I don't have her number or anything) and she said:
a. she said she thought I was sound but was hesitant to get with me because she was in a long term relationship with another girl (she's bi) in the same group of friends and this might cause some tension
b. she had just had her heart broken by a guy recently and wasn't ready for another relationship.
I've seen her since at a party (her birthday) but decided in light of what she said to not try (and knowing me, probably fail) to make a move for the moment.
I have the social intelligence of a dead slug, I've known that for a while. I'm not obsessed with her, but I do like her a lot - we get on great we we meet (and I think she's hot as hell) and she's a bit nerdy.
So my question is: do I have a hope? At the moment I think I do, but I'm no expert and don't want to fuck it up. And if I do, what should I do?
I really appreciate any advice. I'm approaching my late twenties and have never come close to getting a girlfriend. I'm not ugly or anything, it's just that courting women is not my forte. And this fact doesn't do my confidence any good to put it bluntly. So that's why I'm asking here.
Of course if there's anything I've omitted that you think would help you help me, tell me!
Posted Thu Nov 19, 2015 01:44 PM
Based on your Post I would say you definitely have a chance and she may have given you the green light when she last spoke to you. You need to make the next step and engage her in some light conversation, if it is going well, ask her out for a coffee sometime soon.
Posted Thu Nov 19, 2015 07:34 PM
This may be a dumb question (I know, I know...). I don't have her number and I'm really not into the whole social network thing. I don't want to wait forever because I know that hesitating for too long is one of the reasons I'm so bad at this.
Would it seem weird or desperate from her point of view if I got her number and texted her? I've really NO idea what's the best way to go about this...
Posted Thu Nov 19, 2015 08:00 PM
Posted Thu Nov 19, 2015 09:52 PM
2) Words never said are never heard , thoughts/feelings never shared are never known .
Posted Fri Nov 20, 2015 08:45 AM
Posted Fri Nov 20, 2015 04:06 PM
I suspect she's not into you as more than a friend- that is, she likes hanging out with you but can't imagine doing anything more- and she's making excuses to avoid hurting your feelings. Women rarely say negative things straight out as we are trained throughout childhood to be "sugar and spice and everything nice." So we beat around the bush with nice guys we aren't attracted to and hope they get the hint.
I don't know this girl and you do. If you think there's a possibility, then there's nothing to lose by asking her out. Once. If she refuses you again, my advice is to let it go. She knows you're interested and she's had time to think about it. If she is interested in return, she will let you know. Be available, but don't be pushy.
Regarding your question about getting her number, go ahead and ask. You've talked with her several times, so it's not creepy.
Posted Sat Nov 21, 2015 08:01 AM
So basically what I should do is:
1) get her number
2) text her saying "wanna go to [wherever]?" or something (I'm no expert at this part either)
3) if yes, then cool
4) if no, then also cool.
I know I'm asking questions that probably have very obvious answers to most of you. But they're not obvious to me at all, and I'm really tired of fucking this up for so long
This post has been edited by Irish_Artist: Sat Nov 21, 2015 08:13 AM
Posted Sat Nov 21, 2015 03:11 PM
Basically what you should do is to go about this as naturally as possible , plan nothing .
Plans never survive what they were planned for.......
be with her ,
open the door ,
tell her how nice she looks ,
be a good listener , give her your attention ,
ask her if she'd like to join you for coffee ,
smile warmly when you greet her ,
little things .
Let her warm up to you without trying too hard & let her come to you .
If it was meant to be , it will happen in time , time is key , rushing her will get you a knee jerk reaction , start small & build if she matches your interest .
Best-O-Luck to you my brother , I wish you happiness & possibly a really wonderful relationship >:]
Posted Sun Nov 22, 2015 07:54 AM
Posted Sun Nov 22, 2015 08:46 PM