Confusion after swinging
Posted Fri Jan 08, 2016 06:04 AM
My gf and I have been together for 5 years and in that time the odd threesome has been a part of our relationship. After much discussion we decided to venture into a swingers club.
We did all the right things, we talked a lot, we set boundaries, we talked about those boundaries and changed them when we thought it was for the best. Eventually we were both happy at where we were and the rules we had set in place and so we made our first trip.
The first few times went great. Met some wonderful people, had a lot of fun and walked away happy. There was no jealously, no animosity, it was all working perfectly.
Before the next time we went (the 6th time in total) my gf expressed a desire for multiple men. I knew she had had this fantasy for a long time so it didn't take much for me to agree. It was what happened in that group that has me worried and confused.
One of our rules was that she was to never allow a man to finish on her face or in her mouth, it was our second strongest rules after always wear protection. It had been discussed and agreed upon many times.
Through the night I was with a couple of women and my gf came in to talk to me and said she's found some guys and was it ok for her to go ahead with it. I agreed and said I would be there soon. Honestly, I was probably longer than I expected, I was having a lot of fun where I was but when I went to find her I got the shock of my life. I was watching these four men have their way with her and the look of enjoyment on her face just turned me on like never before. The troubling bit was at the end when she broke our rule and let them finish in her face and cleaned them up as well by sucking them. I know I was there watching and could have said something but I was just incredibly turned on by watching it, but more by how much she was enjoying it. The trip home was a little rocky with her constant apologizing which I accepted because at the time I couldn't make sense of my feelings.
And that leads to my question for those more experienced than me. On one hand I am angry that one of our core rules was broken, on the other hand it turned me on so much I don't care. In one moment I feel I can't believe she did it with four men at once but then I think about what actually happened and how much she enjoyed it and I want her to do it again. Is it normal to have such conflicting feelings? Even though I enjoyed what I saw should I still be angry that a core rule was broken?
Since that night we changed the rule to allow men to finish on her face but no swallowing We then met once with a group we found through an advert and met at a hotel. It was 12 men including myself and my gf and one other woman. I was so turned on watching my gf go from one to the next to the next and the orgasmic look on her face was priceless. I think about that night and as I said earlier I jump from thinking OMG what did she just do to WOW how awesome was that.
I look forward to hearing some experience help me work out my confusion.
Sorry if this is too long.
Oh, I am 26 and she is 33. Not that age makes a difference but just if anyone was interested.
Posted Fri Jan 08, 2016 01:00 PM
Posted Fri Jan 08, 2016 02:27 PM
Posted Thu Mar 24, 2016 06:17 PM
Posted Thu Mar 24, 2016 08:41 PM
Posted Thu Dec 14, 2017 04:14 AM
1: In the club have what you want.
2: what happens in the club stays in the club.
Posted Thu Dec 14, 2017 10:41 AM
Think hard about it. You got into it for the excitement. Sometimes you just get caught up in it. Enjoy it, don't restrict it.
Posted Mon Dec 18, 2017 03:48 AM
perhaps if one of you is thinking of breaking the "core rules" then they should be asking the partner for permission at the time, i think that if she had done this at the time you probably would have just enjoyed it and there wouldnt be any conflicting feelings because you know you had the option to say no.
i don't know what all of your core rules are but maybe this is an indication that there are too many, and if you are caught up in the moment you might struggle to remember them all...
On another note i would love to hear details about your group experiences and even what the other rules you have are? i hope that you might consider pm'ing me?
Posted Mon Dec 18, 2017 02:34 PM
Posted Tue Dec 19, 2017 11:36 AM
However, as with all good things can also come some con's. In my opinion, and please take this for just that alone...an opinion...there are 2 sides to this coin.
The first side is a bit easier to digest. You two have had a successful and trusting time performing these sessions together for a while now. Kudos to you both! Yes, a boundary was broken. As we all know, with sex comes the "heat of the moment". Just as two young love birds could decide to not wear a condom "just this once" and could end up finishing inside of each other in the passion of things, a boundary like yours could also be broken through human error. There IS a way to chalk this up as a learning experience as long as she is willing to learn how much it hurt you and also if she is willing to learn to curb her inhibitions just a little bit better the next time so that the moment may be nice and hot, without losing herself within it.
The second side of this coin is much more bitter, blunt and upsetting. You mentioned that you spent a lot of time really going over boundaries through excellent forms of communication. You invested the time and effort to do this so that she may have one of her big fantasies that most women will never have fulfilled...fulfilled. During that wonderful gift that you gave her she took things way too far and lost sight of the relationship between you and her and became lost in her engaging of these men. This could be a very large turning point in your relationship now IF you personally and emotionally NEED it to be. But it doesn't HAVE to be either.
You need to be honest with your feelings with not just her anymore, but rather now more importantly with YOURSELF. Can you personally, as a unique individual that you are, chalk this up as a fun sexual mishap that will correct itself now?Or, has this breach of trust created an obstacle that you cannot overcome emotionally as a person?No one can give you right or wrong answers. It's your gut that will provide the intuition that it needs. How sick do you feel over this? Do you feel sick at all?
Please remember that this act wasn't just a breach of privacy between you guys. For example, maybe you don't wish for her to have anal sex with others. You set that as a rule. However with coming into direct contact with multiple fluids from several men, she put herself and you at risk at the very same time, and knowingly, assuming she is educated in the 21st century which I am sure she is. For me, personally, this very factor would be HUGE. Maybe it's not so much for you. Maybe you can find the risk erotic and agree that it will be only a one time experience in your relationship.
Either route you go, and only YOU know that right route, please encourage her to get tested in 3 months for HIV and in about 6 weeks for STDs. Also, HSV1 and 2 are NOT PART of a FULL STD PANNEL! You have to ask for these separately and specifically!
Best of luck and health to the both of you!
Posted Sat Dec 23, 2017 05:50 PM
Posted Sun Dec 31, 2017 11:14 PM
Posted Mon Jan 01, 2018 04:35 PM
I think that is where you have to have an open mind about things. My GF had never had anyone cum on her face before and never let anyone cum on her face before. If we had went over rules with the guy and told him she doesn't want anyone to cum on her face then the whole experience and outcome could have been significantly different. He had no idea so he just shot his load on her face without asking or warning. It was definitely a heat of the moment kind of thing and there wasn't too much she could have done anyway because I don't think she saw it coming. Anyway after that night she realized that cumming on her face wasn't so bad after all and now enjoys it! Sometimes things happen in the heat of the moment that you can't control or stop. And sometimes you realize you enjoy things that you didn't otherwise know you would enjoy.
Posted Yesterday, 01:44 PM