I know this isn't uncommon but...
Posted Mon Jul 18, 2016 07:13 PM
I work with a girl, call her E, that is absolutely amazing. I barely spoke with her for the first six months she started there, but just from observing she impressed the hell out of me with her intelligence and ability in the office. I even went to management and said something to the fact. She's also beautiful, like unbelievably gorgeous and I'd lie if I said I didn't check out her ass every time I had a chance. Eventually I changed positions and sat across from her. We also have an office messenger on the computers to message each other and between that and the seating we started becoming casually friendly. She is very reserved and professional so one day she let her personality come out a little bit and I messaged her saying it was nice to see her come out of her shell a little. She replied "Oh I'm completely different outside of work". I said I'd be curious to see that and she asked if I wanted to go to lunch with her. I said yes of course (It's funny through watery eyes I'm smiling recalling this as I write). So we hop in her car at lunch and she pulls out a bowl and some weed and says "I smoke". So we went for a ride, smoked, listened to music and talked. We started taking lunches together to go for rides and the more I got to know her the more I realized we had everything in common. Including being in relationships that we weren't happy with and were settling for the person. It's not a good feeling when the person you are with is sitting next to you but you feel completely alone. Being around this girl did not make me feel alone, in fact I have never gotten so happy or felt so fulfilled just by being in the company of someone as I felt with E.
So E applies for a supervisor position, which she gets naturally, and I apply for and take her former position. Guess who gets to sit with me and train me for the next month. At this point we were banned from going to lunch together, the whole manager hanging out with her employee thing, so training was a nice way to continue to spend time together. Not for her, she started texting me from the moment she got out of work (6 PM give or take a half hour) until usually 1:00 AM. After a month of this I invited her over to hang out since we were banned from lunch. She did, we hung out and listened to music and talked. It was just really comfortable and peaceful with her, which is especially odd since we both have anxiety. When she left she gave me a tight hug and I knew I was falling for her. At this point I made the decision to break up with my girlfriend, it wasn't going anywhere and it wasn't fair to her for me to be with her having these feelings for E. Next time E came over we ended up talking sex, she was telling me about a threesome she had and how she loved doing everything with the girl and it got me riled up. I behaved! I growled a little bit and shifted around uncomfortably but behaved. Then she says "I'm surprised you haven't jumped me by now" I was like "Are you serious right now". So we made out a little, not a lot, just for a minute and when she left she says "I'm so wet right now". Damn... She texted me after saying "You know I've just been denying my true feelings for you right?"
Next time she came over we had amazing sex. She was impressed naturally. She was on top riding me hard for a long while (the bone at the base of my crotch was bruised for a couple weeks from her slamming into it), looking down on me with those beautiful eyes just wide with awe and kept asking "How are you doing this?". She started coming over several times a week. We would listen to music all the time, talk, and many amazing moments of just holding her in my arms in silence, just enjoying the peace we brought each other. I had fallen in love with her in a way I have never loved another in my entire life. The first night she slept over we were having drinks and she was laying on the couch with her legs over mine. She looked over with such a genuinely happy smile and said "I love you." I looked her in the eyes and said "I love you too" At this point we started planning to be together when she broke up with her boyfriend. Before this happened we were texting one night and she told me she didn't know how old I was. I know I said it several times at work in front of her so she knew but.... I told her 37, she got reserved after that. She is only 20 and thought I was more like 32. A couple days later she said she couldn't keep making me wait for her to resolve the relationship problem and we couldn't continue seeing each other. I knew it was the age and I told her as upsetting as that is I care about her very much and want her in my life even if it's as a friend. She agreed to come over and hang out so we could get past the upset and when she walked through the door she charged me and embraced me and kissed me. As we lay on my bed a little later she said sorry and she didn't know what she was thinking trying to end things.
Then she recalls the upcoming vacation she and the boyfriend and his parents have planned to go to Florida. I told her if she is going to break up with him she needs to do it before that. She agreed. She texts me on a Friday telling me she broke up with him and told him she cheated and that she needed alone time. Monday I told her I'd like her to come over so we can talk since she had barely texted me since Friday. She didn't come over Tuesday, she called and told me the boyfriend called Monday night and they got back together. She said we wouldn't work because her parents wouldn't accept me. A couple weeks later I texted her and said that what we discovered with each other was cut way too short and when the time comes we need to explore it more, she agreed "if" the time comes, but we would have to take things slow.
She left for Florida on a Saturday. She texted me "I'm on the way to the airport I'll be thinking about you" with the couple holding hands emoji. That Friday I get a text "I'm engaged", and my number is blocked. That was like three months ago. She just unblocked me a couple weeks ago and has made a few feeble attempts to chat, which I figure she is doing because work is uncomfortable. But now I go into work and see her every day, and even now wipe tears from my eyes through each day. I still love her more than anything. I miss her horribly and I'm reminded every day of her beauty inside and out. I go home and try to distract myself but think about her from the moment I wake until the moment I go to sleep. I feel completely lost without her in my life. And I know I've never been happier or more fulfilled than with her in my arms. I'm in a living hell and there doesn't seem to be any escape. I just don't know how I can keep doing this every single day. It hurts so much.
Posted Mon Jul 18, 2016 07:45 PM
I don't want to come across being harsh in any ways and i'm here for you anytime ok. I'm just telling you what i think.
Posted Mon Jul 18, 2016 07:54 PM
Posted Mon Jul 18, 2016 08:00 PM
Posted Mon Jul 18, 2016 08:31 PM
Posted Mon Jul 18, 2016 08:44 PM
Posted Mon Jul 18, 2016 09:03 PM
Posted Mon Jul 18, 2016 09:19 PM
Posted Mon Jul 18, 2016 09:39 PM
She left for Florida on a Saturday. She texted me "I'm on the way to the airport I'll be thinking about you" with the couple holding hands emoji. That Friday I get a text "I'm engaged", and my number is blocked.
I'm in a living hell and there doesn't seem to be any escape. I just don't know how I can keep doing this every single day. It hurts so much.
Go for round two , it might just work out this time
Posted Mon Jul 18, 2016 09:57 PM
Posted Tue Jul 19, 2016 01:53 AM
Yep it is hard when someone breaks ya heart and harder to move on. But there are lots of fish still out in the ocean so go out there, meet some new people and move on with your life.
Posted Tue Jul 19, 2016 04:16 AM
Posted Tue Jul 19, 2016 06:49 AM
I was fortunate I was working as an OTR truck driver after my breakup. Built in mobility and a new zip code every hour. It really is helpful.
If moving isn't an option, then consider a vacation. Splurge a bit of money and take a singles cruise or go to a resort. Have some fun.
Posted Tue Jul 19, 2016 05:08 PM
In the mean time time work just sucks, I had to sit with her at her desk today looking at the damn rock on her finger. I also don't really want to leave my job even though I've looked. I've been there 7 years and have good benefits with three weeks vacation a year on top of sick and personal time. Not to mention everyone cares about me there. I had my manager pull me in the office for my mid-year review and as soon as we sat down he put the paperwork aside and said, "Before we go over this how are you doing out there?" He knows what happened and has previously talked with me about it. He could have easily had me fired for fornicating with one of my bosses, but instead he told me he doesn't want me to leave the department and if I'm ever having a hard time just go outside and take a breather and he won't even question me about where I took off to. He's a good guy.
Posted Tue Jul 19, 2016 05:10 PM
Words of wisdom right there.
Posted Mon Jul 25, 2016 10:58 AM