Afraid of Becoming a Misogynist
Posted Tue Feb 03, 2009 09:18 PM
In short, I feel depleted, as if I'm always being spread too thin. My patience seems like it's forever being tried, and my proverbial fuse feels very short a lot of the time. Even when I have an outlet such as this site, I don't feel the need to connect or flirt with women. My sex drive has pretty much dried up.
In retrospect, I realize I should've paced myself, giving myself a while to get over each relationship, but I have to wonder if that's really all that's needed in order to feel okay with women again. I'm a sucker for companionship and a pretty face, and I love the initial excitement of the chase, so I'm worried that I'll fall into the same trap over and over again.
Recently I got talking to a new girl. She likes me, but she'll sometimes say things like "you seem so grumpy" or "you're so unimpressed by me". If it were just limited to those sorts of problems I'd be able to deal with it, but I lack devotion, and the whole I'm-so-in-love, I-want-to-marry-you thing. I never really want a family of my own or the whole white-picket fence scenario, so once the first spark blows over, I feel like I become empty and grouchy, with not much to offer. This latest girl is quite a bit younger than me and I feel like she doesn't deserve to be lumped with a moody, indifferent guy like me.
It's not that I hate or even dislike women so I suppose misogynist is too strong a term, but I do often feel bored, with a perpetual take-it-or-leave-it attitude.
I'd like to be a horny, happy-go-lucky guy who's interested and interesting. What can I do to recharge and regain my enthusiasm for the fairer sex?
Posted Wed Feb 04, 2009 12:57 AM
Games and the like over a long period of time, one or several partners involved, can do some serious messing with your head and if that's been the case, I'm not surprised you're tired of it all.
My best suggestion would be to not waste this girls time, nor your own and just end it. Have some time alone to reassess what you'd like, what you deserve and what you're willing to give.
No point trying to make something out of nothing if there's nothing for anyone to gain from it.
I don't think there is only one person for everyone but I do think that we come across people who are far more suited to us and require less effort to be around because we enjoy them.
Hope I've helped.
Posted Wed Feb 04, 2009 04:47 PM
Posted Wed Feb 04, 2009 05:21 PM
Sounds like you are not happy within yourself, possibly depressed. You are a thrill seeker and need that in your life constantly, or you will be unhappy. Once you've got the bait, the games over. So it's not the girl, it's you. I think you should start chasing other things that give you an adrenaline rush. Skydiving, things like that. You need those endorphins running through you. Im sure once you have found what you are looking for, the right girl will come into play. You are looking for something that can't be found in these women right now.. Lots of luck hun
Wholy shit, I just reread that, and I sound like a bloody horoscope:D
Posted Wed Feb 04, 2009 08:02 PM
Thru your actions let them know your world doesnt revolve around them. Sounds petty, but I answer maybe 20% of the calls from women on my cell. go to voicemail/text, and call them back when I'm ready (unless it's something she *needs* to know, quickly) or later if they were just saying 'hi'
Maybe part of the mopiness is that you realize that most of your relationships go the same place... somewhere you dont want it to be. Just don't stay on the wrong one too long, get out early.
Relationships where a month or so in, feel like they are going where you dont want them too... let it dry up and move on. Because this is the point to where you really get to know the other person... so if you feel it's going bad when once it was great... thats because it was great when you didnt know enough to know it's actually a bad relationship.
Guarantee you there is quite a few women in the world that you will eat those words. Problem is you may never meet her. Can increase your odds by dropping the ones you know isn't her so you can get back on your search.
I definitely won't stay exclusive to someone that wasn't in this category. I once put my search on hold once for 6 years (married) til one day I surprised alot of people and told her I wanted a divorce. She was not who I wanted to spend my life with.
that make any sense? =
Posted Wed Feb 04, 2009 08:29 PM
I suppose part of the problem is that I'm a bit wishy-washy insofar as putting my foot down. Instead of saying I don't want anything serious I allow myself to slip into a kind of routine with a girl, even if it's ultimately not what I want.
It's weird though. I hear so many guys who relate stories, saying things like "oh, she just wanted to be friends." Why can't that happen to me? Especially once I sleep with someone - it seems as if sex equals a lifelong commitment now.
Man, Cyndi Lauper had it all wrong when she said girls just want to have fun.
In all seriousness, thanks guys, your replies are helping me sort through my feelings.
Posted Wed Feb 04, 2009 10:31 PM
missed the sex=committment part
you can make it clear that sex isnt a commitment by NOT looking into her eyes afterwards the next morning, like you could love her. roll over and ask her to get you a beer instead
Posted Wed Feb 04, 2009 11:18 PM
Posted Thu Feb 05, 2009 12:24 AM