Dealing with grief
Posted Thu May 25, 2017 09:01 AM
So my question is how do you deal with grief? Any suggestions???
Posted Thu May 25, 2017 09:28 AM
It is good to continue to remember the good times, but I do acknowledge those memories are bittersweet. Only time will make it more bearable as the initial shock wears off, and although the loss you feel is significant, I do hope you can find some comfort in the knowledge she is no longer suffering and is at peace.
We all process grief differently, and how I process it is most likely much different from how you would. If you feel it becomes too much and you cannot cope, I would suggest seeking the help of professional who can help you through the process in a way best suited to your individual needs.
Posted Thu May 25, 2017 09:37 AM
Regarding my dad, after a while, we all tried to focus on the brighter side of things. Just a few years before, he was in rough shape. He had started drinking again, and the drinking and smoking had taken a toll on him. A Navy buddy helped fast track him through the VA processes to get his PTSD treated. The last few years, my dad was sober, and happy again. He retired early, had his fishing boat, a paid off house, and a truck. He helped veterans with their struggles. I embraced my memories of him, and shared them with as many people as possible, particularly on Facebook. That helped me a great deal. I think we sometimes feel like they will be forgotten, and putting memories into written words help preserve those memories.
I ended up keeping his boat for one season, so we could build onto those memories, and hold onto him just a little bit longer. I hung out at the fish ladder downtown, simply because it was peaceful, and it reminded me of him. I'd watch the fishermen, and wish he was there. But I'd also smile, because he would have liked it there.
IMHO, it's a futile effort to try and get over it. You can only learn to embrace and manage it. That's just how I feel about it. It's hard. It still is. But I've found relief from living the grief and crying, rather than trying to hold it in.
Fuck, now I'm crying again. I promise that helped me though!
Posted Thu May 25, 2017 09:45 AM
Posted Thu May 25, 2017 10:48 AM
Posted Thu May 25, 2017 03:34 PM
You know where to find me if you want to chat anytime I'm a damn good listener.
Posted Thu May 25, 2017 05:03 PM
Posted Thu May 25, 2017 10:19 PM
Posted Fri May 26, 2017 07:17 AM
Over time you will begin to remember the good times more often than the bad times and eventually you will hardly ever think of those dark days your sister had towards the end. What I found which helped is to still talk about your sister with your friends and family.
Take care and if you feel like your not coping, do not be afraid to seek medical help.
Posted Fri May 26, 2017 08:32 AM
I'm already in therapy...my next appointment is Tuesday. I'm sure I will do a lot of crying but my therapist is great.
I do try to remember the good times and not the last couple months of her life when she suffered. Her suffering is what is killing me...knowing there was nothing we could do for her.
I picked up her ashes and everything that came with the package yesterday. Thank goodness my daughter was with me cuz it was hard to do.
Her memorial is set for next Saturday. We are going to celebrate her life and not her death.
Thank you again for all your kind words. Its nice to know some people do care.
Posted Fri May 26, 2017 11:17 AM
Similarly you need to grieve and if your therapist helps then that's valuable time.
Grief takes different forms for different people and I think the main thing is to have supportive people around you who can be there. It'll take time and the bereavement will catch you out at silly moments but the tears are shed because your sister was loved and missed and in the end, that's only right.
With my condolences.
Posted Sat May 27, 2017 03:13 PM
the loss of a dear one, a friend,
it took her away,
the silence brought rest,
and the day ended,
but her warmth and love stay with you,
my condolences to you and your family
Posted Sun May 28, 2017 09:29 AM
Posted Tue May 30, 2017 07:17 PM
Do you have other friends, and close family? I sometimes find when you do lose one thing, or person, it can help bring you closer to the people you do still love and have more time with. IN addition to submerging yourself in things you enjoy, or that can bring some sense of peace. Possibly music, a feel-good film, any kind of project you could work on. Or just getting out when you have time, and trying to enjoy the day.
Also, if you're not working, I suggest sleep throughout the night. I say that because sometimes during grief, or depression, it can actually get worse during darker hours -when things are quiet and your mind has time to wander and race.
Wish you well.
Posted Fri Jun 02, 2017 08:40 AM
Again thank you all.
Posted Wed Jun 07, 2017 04:01 PM
Posted Tue Jun 27, 2017 12:50 AM