Been 2 months since being dumped...
Posted Tue Feb 10, 2009 03:15 AM
I thought it would hurt and I'd be devastated when I found out she's with another guy but I barely felt anything. I think it was because I felt like this girl, the girl that dumped me, the girl that I was with the last few months, wasn't the same girl that I had first started dating and fallen for. She had changed a lot over the summer, not just that being with someone of the same faith became extremely important for her but she was different personality wise, took things much much more seriously, was a lot more sensitive to even the slightest teasing, didn't really like me disagreeing with her about anything, wasn't as laid back, became pretty condescending, definitely treated me like an idiot/5 year old. I definitely felt like I had to be a completely different person around her than who I really was(I see some of my friends relationships now, their gf's really accept them for who they are, they don't have to act like a different person).
When the semester first started I was still hurting, I still had her on a pedestal, ignoring everything that was different, ignoring everything that was wrong with our relationship, just trying to figure out where I went wrong, I blamed myself a lot for what happened, I wanted to stay friends, be around her, talk to her, hang out, everytime I saw her/would try to talk to her I'd feel terrible.
When I finally decided to just cut off communication, no trying to talk to her, no talking to her online, no seeing her at the gym and making an effort to go over and talk, no catching up to her after class, etc, I started to see things with so much more clarity. I started getting back to being me, started hanging with my friends, working out, focusing on school, stopped blaming myself for everything, started actually believing my friends telling me any girl would be lucky to have you its her loss.
I realized that I'd rather be single, happy, and be able to be myself, then be in a frustrating relationship where the person wants me to be something else entirely.
Sorry for the long post again, just felt like putting some thoughts down.
Posted Tue Feb 10, 2009 11:14 AM
Posted Tue Feb 10, 2009 12:49 PM
Posted Tue Feb 10, 2009 02:20 PM
Well I definitely don't wish any ill will upon her. I do wish she could have just been straight with me, told me what was going on when she started feeling differently about things, but thats a constant problem for her, telling people what she really thinks/feels, and its not just with me its with everyone, she hates it when people don't like her so rather than be honest and upfront she'll take the path that leads to no conflict/confrontation.
I do kinda think she was partly blaming me for the disconnect she felt from her faith. I think she partially blamed me for the fact that she didn't go to Church every Sunday, she wasn't in a Bible study anymore, that she was doing things she didn't want to do(stay over the night or have me stay with her for the night).
I can clearly remember her wanting and almost begging me to stay over the night while I was definitely hesitant.
I remember asking her why she quit the Bible study she was part of, and her telling me the people there were kinda weird, always happy and perky, never showed any other emotion.
I remember asking her what Church she went to, and her saying she only went to Church when she went back home, she didn't like the non denominational Church that most of the students went to by our University.
I remember us talking about our views about sex, and me NEVER pressuring her into it, I knew she wanted to wait until marriage, I feel like sex is an expression of love, but that if you love someone enough you'd respect what they want and not try to pressure them into doing something they don't feel comfortable with.
Its become clear that she wants a male version of herself, more or less, and I'm just not that person, we are different, thats what I loved about our relationship, I don't want to be with someone exactly like myself, I think that'd be boring, I think the differences are what make the relationship fun and exciting. I don't really miss her all that much, I do miss the girl that she used to be the one I was crazy about, but I think I just miss having that closeness and connection with someone, definitely envious of my friends and their gf's at times, but I am definitely enjoying living the single life
sorry for yet another ridiculously long post