Posted Sun Feb 22, 2009 12:52 AM
I am a 20 yr old college sophomore in one of the best fraternity's in my school and i have a lot of things going for me...i do not like to brag and that may be one of my issues because i really lack confidence....i am very good looking, girls tell me this all the time, tall, smart, and once i open up i can be very funny....
the only things holding me back are my lack of successes with girls and i guess my fear of rejection....all of my brothers and even some of their girlfriends encourage me to dance/approach girls with my best interests in their minds.....
i do not know why but i am seriously incapable of approaching/engaging girls that i am attracted to...and at the same time, i get very frustrated when i see kids who are much less attractive who dance and flirt with girls that i find attractive.....i think i have it somewhere in the back of my head that i have to be absolutely drunk, or girls have to approach me to be able to converse and flirt.....
i definitely believe i have social anxiety and i realize that this will never change until i "man up" and gain some experience, but the fact of the matter is that ive never had a serious girlfriend and i am a virgin despite the fact that I am great looking and a great person (once i have opened)....
so basically, this long and tedious, and probably boring post is just the result of another frustrating night....i hope that you experienced individuals both girls and guys can offer me some advice/inspiration that could somehow provide me with at least temporary confidence, because next weekend i will have ample opportunities to interact with attractive girls once again....
I thank you for even taking the time to read this post but as you can see i am very frustrated and discouraged...please enlighten me with some information and advice and I will certainly use it to better myself.
Posted Sun Feb 22, 2009 03:08 AM
Posted Sun Feb 22, 2009 06:06 AM
So it becomes a dilemma...what to say and do. And maybe your good looking qualities are working against you.
Could this work? Mess up your hair a bit and look nerdy.
A lot of great looking girls never get asked out cause boys get intimidated.
The only advice I would give is treat them as you would any friend and not initially on a sexual level. A lot of guys just want sex and nothing else; if you immediately get classified as one of those guys who girls get tired of quickly, you will do poorly. What are their hobbies; cars they like; what they want to do; have questions ready to ask etc. Have some clear idea of where you want to go in life and what you want to achieve. Like Q says too...do those things. You are not in any rush..and rushing could be a mistake.....so relax and let the magic happen. If you come off as a friend and not a lover initially, you will do better.
Posted Sun Feb 22, 2009 10:53 AM
Posted Sun Feb 22, 2009 08:15 PM
Then I realized that I have to be happy with me first and please others second. After realizing this I stopped worrying what other people thought making me more comfortable in social situations. Soon my base of friends grew and then my luck with the ladies grew too.
The only advice that I can give is to be comfortable with yourself.
Keep us posted how things go.
Posted Sun Feb 22, 2009 10:39 PM
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 01:44 AM
that would be GREATLY appreciated ...as all i think i need is an icebreaker or a method of introduction...i believe i could manage from there...
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 09:24 AM
Ironically enough, the sooner you stop trying so hard to find someone, the sooner you will.
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 10:35 AM
Fck icebreakers, fck lines... honestly, there is no magic word that'll get girls all over you. You say you're attractive, so never mind the looks you're gonna have to work on other aspects of your game.
1) Confidence.. you aint got shit without confidence. That is the first and most important thing you should work on. Women smell fake and real confidence right away. I'm guessing your wondering what real confidence is, right? Well its simple, real confidence shows on the way you walk, act, talk and interact with people (not only women). If you say something, say it like you mean it, and say it differently than any other schmuck would've. Remember Jack Sparrow from pirates of the carrabean, this guy could say hello and have the whole room look at him just by the way he said things (dont try to be jack sparrow though lol). Walk like you just fucked the hottest girl in the room. When talking to women, touch them, it portrays confidence in your movements and it creates sexual tension from the begining. Touch them on their arms, get close to them, anything. (No ass smacking or boob grabbing though, cool?).
Start with that, and you'll develop you're own way of interacting and getting women by yourself.
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 11:53 AM
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 11:56 AM
What I would suggest is to try to be nice and say nice things to girls, be agreeable... always try to look for something unique to compliment them about (i.e. hair, lipstick, shirt, whatever) especially if you notice that they've put some effort on it.
Do not discriminate between the pretty and the not so pretty. Be truthful, honesty is the best way to build up your confidence, but never say bad things even if they cross your mind; and as Romano said, it's always good to get closer to the girl when you talk to her, but be ready to back away a little if she looks aprehensive because of the closeness. If you really like the girl, you may try getting closer later when you keep talking to her.
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 12:18 PM
Some people are naturally confident, the best way to improve your confidence in a short period of time is to not worry what the person thinks of you. If it does not work on the first girl you speak to try another. Practice prevents piss poor performance, the 5 P's.
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 12:45 PM
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 03:32 PM
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 07:50 PM
Posted Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:37 AM
And confidence as others have said is key. Women will chew you up and spit you out if you aren't comfortable with yourself.
One of my good friends is in his late 20's, has a bit of a receding hairline, but is otherwise a good looking guy. He is very personable and can talk to anyone. We were in school together and he would constantly start conversations with the most gorgeous girls when we were on breaks between classes. From watching him it looked like he didn't have any kind of agenda in doing this (like getting in their pants), he was just having a good time. I remember one time he had an amazing looking blonde showing us her tatoos in her "special areas" within 5 minutes of saying hi to her. If it helps you any, his opening line would usually be something like "Hi, my name's *Joe*, this is my friend *Steve*, how are you today?"
Good luck to ya man. Let us know how it goes.
Posted Fri Feb 27, 2009 04:42 PM
Posted Fri Feb 27, 2009 04:48 PM
Posted Sat Feb 28, 2009 07:46 PM