How should I feel?
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 12:16 AM
A few days back I was walking on a street with my girlfriend when suddenly we met with my gf's ex and his girl. First I didn't noticed he was there until he said a loud "hi", then I turn back and my girfriend is kissing him in the cheek (wich somewhat bothered me since she always greets all of her friends with a handshake). Then, he somewhat complimented her and they shared the classic "I've seen you naked/I used to sleep with you" awkward silence/stare. Then, he introduces his new grilfriend, then they rapidly made some chit chat (at a too low volume for me to hear) and everyone got on their way.
The thing that left me somewhat insulted is that the guy never acknowledged my presence nor my girlfriend tried to introduce me or imply that she was with me. Moreover, later when they left my girlfriend didn't try to talk to me about their presence (even evaded the subject when I asked her if that was her ex - purposely obvious question, btw), ignored the fact that I was somewhat angry (I can't stand the guy) and remained shut until I started to make some small talk, after what she just acted as nothing ever had happened.
Is that my girl still has feelings about the ex? Or is it that she is just awful at handling social stuff? And what's that guy's deal? I mean, I know who he is, but he doesn't even know me, why does he acts that way?
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 12:51 AM
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 05:51 AM
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 07:30 AM
My bf introduces me to everyone as I do him. I met his ex who he was with for 5yrs and whom he lived with within the first 3wks of us being together. He had no issue introducing me as his gf. It was a little awkward but we're all adults, life goes on.
I don't think it's unfair that you're acknowledged.
She may however just not be very good in those sort of situations. Sometimes awkwardness takes over and people get a little neglected.
Maybe give her some le-way tis time but perhaps say to her you felt that she wasn't acknowledging your role in her life. Don't push it and don't fight about it. It's quite small in the grand scheme of things really.
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 11:23 AM
Forget about the incident please... your girlfriend behaved very awkwardly, and she probably doesn't know any better either. Besides, you cannot hold the other guy responsible for anything. Nothing happened after all. You probably like your gf a lot and that's why you feel a little hurt.
Be certain that these situations will come up over and over again at some point or another, and the best way to handle them is by taking control. Next time something like that happens, do not expect anyone to aknowledge you. It's your responsibility to become "visible", and to do that, you speak up, extend your hand, and say "Hi, I'm Knight, her boyfriend... nice to meeting you".
Also, remember that in Montréal people of the opposite sex always kiss to greet, not once but twice. So, I'd suggest, the next time you're with your girlfriend and if the ocassion ever arises, kiss other girls when you greet them and aknowledge your girlfriend by saying, this is so and so, my girlfriend.
By the way, happy to see another one from Montréal on this site...
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 12:22 PM
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 05:26 PM
but if he stoped nd introduced his gf i wud introduce my bf!!!
i dont know what else to tell you, sorry!!!
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 06:39 PM
Posted Mon Feb 23, 2009 07:29 PM
mordern day english please??? lol
Posted Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:01 AM
Girls dont appreciate or understand subtle guy competition, which is why you cannot be angry at your girl that she did not assist you in that. Just pretend it did not bother you, and take control next time the situation arises.
Posted Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:31 AM
Beaucr, I think you and I went to the same old school... I'll add that for women, the job is to act gracefully when these situations happen by trying to difuse tensions, by not leaving anyone out of the conversation and by making everyone feel at ease around her. In fact, understanding the subtleties of male competition helps a great deal.
Knight, your girlfriend obviously didn't know any better... and that is not a crime, you know. Social skills take a long time to develop, and I think it would be easier if you just take the lead and control the situation next time something like this happens.
Posted Tue Feb 24, 2009 06:37 PM
Posted Tue Feb 24, 2009 06:47 PM
Posted Wed Feb 25, 2009 12:49 AM
jmho she has her cake and wants to eat it too.
She handles the social stuff fine with everyone but U.
Trust your instincts! You can rationalize all you want but don't completely discount your feeilngs.