Help with G/F
Posted Wed Apr 22, 2009 12:09 AM
I have been with the current g/f for about 8 years, I'm 23 and she is 21. We have had a rocky relationship for most of the time but we do love each other. We have been living together for about the past 3 years. About 4 months ago all the fighting and arguing finally took its toll and we both did some things that we both regret and weren't the greatest. I ended up moving out. I took it really rough even cried over her, But after a week and some help from friends I was doin great. I actually had a lot of fun, met up with some old girls I used to talk to and some new ones as well. I would like to think I'm fairly good looking and definitely don't have a problem getting girls. I completely ignored all her phone texts and phone calls until about a month when I answered one of her calls. We talked for awhile, I ended up stopping by our old place together etc etc. Over the next week we hung out discussed all of our problems and decided to get back together and within 2 months I moved back in.
THE PROBLEM - The major problem is the sex. This was a problem even before I moved out but it seems we are right back to square one. When we first got back together the sex was awesome. Now the sex sucks. I have to basically ask for sex and alot of the time if she agrees its with an attitude. She will only do certain positions and there's really no sexual interaction (kissing, moaning, touching etc). It seems as if she is just doing it to let me get my "nut" and thats it. Half the time she says she is too tired blah blah blah, but thats after she watches 3 hours of her boring reality tv shows. I feel like I always get put last. Tonight she agreed to have sex with me (doggy style) which is one of the normal positions anyway and it just wasnt doing it for me so I pulled out and just got dressed. I hate being rejected and I dont know how long I can go though this. I dont feel the affection. I dont feel loved by her.
I have tried talking with her and basically every time I bring it up she says "thats all you talk/think about about". WHAT DO I DO?????
Posted Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:03 AM
Posted Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:09 AM
Posted Wed Apr 22, 2009 01:04 PM
I hate to say this but if you feel this way you should probably move out again and move on. She is not willing to make lasting changes
Posted Wed Apr 22, 2009 03:35 PM
There might be some other issues going on here that have lowered her sex drive. I hate telling anyone to give up on a relationship when there are details I don't know about. Give her another shot to try and fix things. You know you can only do so much, and she won't leave you much choice if she won't help you as a couple move past any sexual incompatibilities.
Posted Wed Apr 22, 2009 04:05 PM
Yeah, that's true. You can put all the effort in the world into the relationship, but if she doesn't then you can kiss it goodbye. Hopefully she takes it seriously and changes for the sake of the relationship.
Posted Wed Apr 22, 2009 06:00 PM
Do you use toys?
Do you role play?
Do you go out on dates, pretend you never met, and flirt?
Do you send her dirty texts, building on them as the day draws closer to an end?
Do you leave her notes telling her how sexy she is?
Do you do romantic things for her? Set the candles, give her massages, incense, home cooked meal, foot rubs?
Do you go out places and try to show her a great time?
Do you play games, make yourself forbidden to her; tell her nothing she can do will get you to fold?
Do you look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her as you wake up?
In my experience, it's always the guys fault. Just because you want, no, "need" sex and want to try it doesn't mean she will say "oh sure, lets do it!". For women, its NOT visual, it's NOT physical, it's not pure lust and attraction. That "spark" was a link, a connection you both sparked between yourselves that made her passionate, loving, and whatever else have you.
Make time for romance Go out of your way to deliver her flowers, cards, candies, leave notes around, take her places, and take care of her. Men and Women are different.
The spark never dies, it's just the one who's supposed to be "the man" and whos wearing "the pants" get's used to everything and stops trying.
Don't do what I did. Never stop trying. If you wan't any idea's, ill be happy to offer some tips.
Posted Wed Apr 22, 2009 07:04 PM
Relationships of emotional attachment are not like mother-son relationships where love is unconditional... you bet she expects something in return, and that doesn't mean she loves you any less. That is human nature. You really need to ask her what is that you need to do to make her happy in the relationship, and if you think you owe her nothing, then might as well forget it and move on. Keep in mind however, that that decision will come back to hunt you in the future because old habits haven't been broken.