Older and Younger
Posted Tue May 05, 2009 02:07 AM
Posted Tue May 05, 2009 07:47 AM
First of all, there's nothing wrong with you liking older women, especially if you find this particular one very attractive. I'm not sure where you live, but there might be some truth to the stigma attached to this type of relationship. Having said that, who really cares what other people think, what's important is what you think, and if you decide to go in an unconventional relationship, you have to be prepared to think out of the box. First of all, forget about the concept of being the main provider... a relationship between an older woman and a younger men starts out more on an equal footing with respect to financial terms. She's more likely ahead in her career and would not think that as a problem, she would probably be more concerned about other issues not revolving around money.
What I find a little unsettling is the fact that she has another man in her life, and the fact that you're too young to expect having a long-term relationship with her. You're already having sex with her, and this might be blurring your ability to think straight. I would've stop before, but now it's done. From here, I would advice against going any further... do not, under any circumstances, move in with her. I think it's unfair that she asks your commitment before she leaves her boyfriend... that should be her decision not yours, and you shouldn't feel like the one who's destroying that relationship. In all honesty, I don't think any relationship you'd have with her will last for too long; but I must say that you're getting quite a bit of college education there, and you're probably going to find it difficult to go back to girls your age once that's finished.
For future reference and if you ever decided to go out with another older woman, make sure that she's not attached in any way; and do not try to make any commitments until you finish college.
Posted Tue May 05, 2009 08:08 AM
I think if she was serious about you she would have left him already.
Maybe it will be one of those lucky things and your relationship will last and all that, but are you prepared for the actual difficulties. Are the both of you strong enough for this?
Dating her and going out with her at college, at a point of your life that you are expected to do crazy things is fine.
But what about staying with her and taking her to dinners with your boss or company parties? Will you be able to handle that?
Will she be able to handle teh same situtaion or you'll start having separate social lives and distanced night lives?
Can you see yourself sleeping with her when you will start working with hot and gorgeous 25 y olds and she will be 55 and you will be 30?
Think about these thinks and ask her about these things before you both make a decision.
Posted Tue May 05, 2009 09:02 AM
Company parties, for instance, are mostly about business and just another way for men to establish their pecking order outside of the office. You can always spot the successful male executive with the hot trophy wife, and female executives have to sit at the same table with these women, usually alone I may add. I don't see anything wrong in bringing a younger men to the table... I'm sure he'll find something to talk with everyone... he could expand his business network with the other executives, he could talk to the hot young wives, why not? Besides, company parties only last for about 4 hours, and that shouldn't be a deterrent in a long-term relationship... it's all about the confidence a couple in this situation can have about their relationship. Besides, social lives go astray no matter the age, and I think a husband in their 40s is more prone to leave a woman in her 40s for a 20 something. If it was me, I would let a young guy go out to a club the same way I would let a 40 year-old go out for a night with his buds. It's just trust, plain and simple.
What I think is a dealbreaker is the family issue. Having children after 40 starts to become very unlikely, and this is a question only the young guy can answer. Still, the OP is way too young to make long life commitments, and if he wants to pursue this relationship, that's his choice; but I wouldn't start it with the mindset that it's going to be forever, and he should not offer that commitment either.
Posted Tue May 05, 2009 10:05 AM
I wasn'ttalking about what I believe, but about what may not look so exciting when it is not a "sweet, crazy love adventure" anymore.
They will have to deal with it sooner or later and I was asking if they are both strong enough to ignore the social "must" and the age difference. I know of people of both sexes that have succeeded, but they were extremely strong people inside.
I don't know the OP and his GF and I can't say how they would handle it.
As for family, as you said only the OP can answer that, but he might need to think very hard, because at your 20s you believe in some things that look horrible in your thirties.
If they are both self sonfident and self conscious enough, they can at least try...
But why is she still with her long term boyfriend, which she cheats ?
Posted Tue May 05, 2009 08:12 PM
Posted Wed May 06, 2009 12:25 PM
The issue is here she's dating someone else, and in a relationship with you. What happens when she dumps him for you. Now she's given up something for you, and what's she going to expect from you? A lot!
Posted Wed May 06, 2009 08:51 PM
Posted Wed May 06, 2009 09:34 PM
I agree 100%...regardless of the other stuff to deal with the fact she met you and was sleeping with you while having a long term bf. You will never fully be able to trust in her if you start a real relationship together.