I think I am broken
Posted Tue May 26, 2009 02:53 AM
Posted Tue May 26, 2009 03:53 AM
I assume he is too.....It takes a while to get to know what your body likes.
It is easy to get used to coming from toys. manual stimulation will never compare to high powered sex toys.
My advice is to explore each others bodies... spend alot more time in foreplay.
Some guys think once you are wet you are ready but the more teasing the better the result.
There is alot of great advice on these forums on technique and skills with sex, oral sex etc....
As for the pill...
I went off the pill due to it taking away my libido but I could always cum.
Posted Tue May 26, 2009 05:36 AM
I think it's hard when you're less experienced because as a virgin you couldn't have known that this would happen. On the other hand when I met my hubby I was 30 something and I told him upfront; he was kinda surprised but was totally cool about it.
Now we just incorporate the vib (I call it the purple thing) during sex. On occasion we use a vibrating cock ring too.
Posted Tue May 26, 2009 07:26 AM
A) Please try not to feel broken. You are the way nature made you, and stressing about it will only make it harder to cum. Stress, worry, and low self-esteem (sentiments like "I'm afraid I'll never be good enough for any guy") make it more difficult to relax and yield to the feelings that lead to orgasm.
2) If you can cum with running water or a vibe, then see if he can bring you to orgasm with them. It will help both of you feel like he is part of your orgasm, especially if he is stimulating you with some part of his body at the same time.
So overall, my advice is to accept yourself, relax, and try to find a way to work around this issue since trying to tackle it head-on may be counter-productive.
Posted Tue May 26, 2009 07:51 AM
Posted Tue May 26, 2009 07:55 AM
Posted Tue May 26, 2009 05:12 PM
Reaching orgasm is also more psychological for women. To make it easier for you to cum, you should be relaxed and comfortable. Try taking a hot bath or shower together before having sex. You can also have a glass of wine or a cocktail before getting ready to have sex to relax you and lower your inhibitions. Make sure your bedroom (or wherever you're going to have sex) is comfortable. Put laundry away, clean up, and light some candles. Make the space feel and smell good to relax you.
Finally, when you get to having sex, take your time. Enjoy exploring each other's bodies rather than focusing on the orgasm as your goal. Plenty of foreplay! Make sure he gets you nice and wet before he even thinks of moving on to penetration and sex. I've found that the wetter I am, the better sex feels for me. If it feels good, do it. Just have a good time.
Don't feel bad if you can't get there the first time you're really trying. I still can't reach orgasm every once in a while, and my boyfriend and I have been having sex and orgasms for almost three years. It's nothing he's doing wrong. Sometimes my mind's just somewhere else, or I'm stressed at work, or I'm not focused on him because I'm worried about money and paying our bills or whatever.
Good luck! Please keep us posted!
Posted Tue May 26, 2009 07:27 PM
As well having a orgasm isn't all there is to sex, many a time I won't orgasm from vaginal sex it just doesn't stimulate me enough, but I can get off in minutes with my vibes. It still feels great though having sex and I'm fine not having a orgasm every time we have vaginal sex. If I try to focus to hard on orgasming it won't happen for me either. Have you and your bf tried different positions that hit the gspot or stimulating the clit while having sex? That might be the extra sensation needed as well. And I do agree with the other posters that women seem to hit their sexual peak closer to 30, I know I sure have.
Posted Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:26 PM
Posted Wed Jun 17, 2009 01:30 PM
If he's interested in pleasing you and interested in your orgasm and your pleasure - which I'm sure he is if he loves you and wants to marry you - then he'll have no problem trying your suggestions. I'm sure he's willing to do whatever it takes to get you to cum, especially if you think you're getting closer to being able to cum during sex with him.
Just keep trying! Don't stop now!