tearing my mind apart
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 08:08 AM
i want to be blunt; i am an awesome boyfriend and i know it. i treat her right, support her in every way, deal with more complaining and bullshit and drama than is healthy. i am affectionate and attentitive, i do all the 'little things' on a constant basis that make a girl feel good. i really care about her so much and i try very hard to please her.
but once again being blunt; shes ungrateful and unappreciative. I don't get what i give at all. she complains and bitches about everything under the sun. she hasn't gone a single day in a year without saying she doesnt feel good or is upset or some nonsense that i put up with. She wants my pity all the time, she wants everyone to feel bad for her. she is the center of my attention at all times, and i'm rarely even considered.
we always talk about her problems and issues, but when i'm down, instead of comforting me and talking, she asks- i talk and she zones out watching TV or playing with her fucking dog. either that or she says 'i dont know why you stay with me if i can't make you happy ever' even though she's not trying when she says that in response to my problems.
i dont ask for help or anything like that, i just like to be able to talk to my girlfriend about my mind. she closes her mind off to me at times and i literally have to pry things out of her to expose her feelings, all while dealing with 'forget it, i dont want to talk'.
i deal with this all, thinking that the future is promising and she will mature and change. ive shifted my life 3 times for her, across the state, back, she's lived with me and been more of a pain in the ass than anything else.
i'm just getting so sick of it, and i don't feel like i did when i fell in love with her. my family knows shes no good for me. im a smart guy with a 4.0 in college, a year younger than her and she's yet to even start school. i work a professional job 40 hours a week, 100 miles away from my home. she works maybe 3 days a week 10 minutes from home and bitches and whines about it every fucking hour at work, through texts.
then she got a dog and everything got so much worse. i literally feel like she loves the dog more than me. her defense is "he NEEDS me- you don't" which is bullshit too. since then, instead of having sex almost every night, im lucky to get it twice a week. sometimes she wont even let me kick the dog out for a half hour and we have to be quiet FOR THE DOG.. i'm a fucking nympho kink and i want crazy sex like we used to do all the time, not this quiet shh dont kick the dog bullshit.
it's pretty apparent that (mindlessly this happens) i guess i am with her more so because i feel bad for her (she does have a crummy life, although i gave her the chance to start over and she blew it) than because i love her. the love isnt mutual, its all me giving and her all taking. i blew my life savings with this girl, i am buried in debt from college, i supported her on a single income in our apartment, which we had to move out of because of her drama with the landlord. now im living with my parents again (who i can honestly say i HATE.. pillheads fucked up my entire childhood) and im stuck here. i was out and because of her, im back.
i do too much and she is just so unappreciative and its driving me wild. she complains and shit and i say 'make a doctors appointment, ill pay for it all, meds included' and she says ok ok ok and nothing happens. she has a dissassociative identity disorder apparently, based on a 'suicidal incident' a few weeks back that was just a bullshit childish cry for attention that made me and her family run frantic for a day.
last night we hung out with her friend. on the way home she said 'do you like her?" and i said yeah shes really nice, better than any of your other friends. and she was, she was a sweet person. she has a boyfriend, who wasnt there, but we were talking openly about our relationships and sex and stuff, and she is so understanding and nice to her s/o, but my girlfriend was like "he wouldnt last a day with me", and things like "that wouldnt fly, i'd leave him".. and i'm like WTF YOU ARE SO FUCKED UP!!!
if i leave her, she'll most likely pull another 'suicidal' day. then she won't eat for a week, likely have a few seizures and throw up several times a day. its 15 days until our anniversary and i'm so strapped on cash, she'll be lucky to get a chocolate bar this year, unfortunatly i can't top the $1000 ring from last year, or the diamond studs for valentines day. i really am a sweet guy and do all the right things.
i cant leave her knowing how she gets, especially so close to our anniversary. and i don't want to.. i do love her despite the ill treatment. at times she can be nice and affectionate and somewhat attentive. i want to grow with her and help develop her personality, but shes just too immature and its not improving. she's stuck in high school drama mode and shes 20 now. i want to help her, but theres no point any more, so i've taken a sideline and watched her fend for herself and she just outright can't deal with life- workign 24 hours a week at a laundromat (yes sitting there and folding clothes) is too strenuous.
i want a hardworking, motivated person who is happy to be alive. she won't take her anti-depressants that i had to pay $60 for because she can't remember to take it, despite the fact that i set an alarm to take her meds every day.
oh and her parents are complete trash and hate me. they don't even have milk or bread in the house. the fridge and freezer are empty except wine and beer. theres never any food, and she won't spend the money to eat, so i am more or less forced to feed her daily. and i can't afford to do that so i havent eaten breakfast or lunch in the past 3 months just so i can feed her.. oh despite the fact that my mother cooks for an army every night, she just 'doesnt want to deal with it', meaning being at my house for 2 hours.
i usually bought weed for the week every wednesday. i got a new insurance policy for my car and its twice as much as my previous and i told her, look i'm done with drugs, i'm old enough to take responsibility and grow up and get over it. so what does she do- bitch and complain and pay her dad $10 for weed the past two nights. i told her flat out, this isn't temporary, i can't afford it, im quitting. ive even quit smoking cigarettes because i flat out can't afford it. she still smokes, and could care less.
and i mean i'm trying! i work 40 hours at my regular day job for a construction firm and make good money for someone my age. i work saturdays with my uncle, we are partners in a side business. i try hard to pull things together and i always do. things are so tight for me money wise, i fucked 2 guys from craigslist this week to make an extra $400 to pay my school tuition deposit and a fee so i can start at a new school in august (i had to transfer). i am not gay, and i didn't enjoy it. i straight up whored myself out. how fucked up is that?
you're all going to say 'leave the bitch'.. but understand it's not that easy. i am afraid because i don't know what will happen to her with me around. i don't think she'll get through school, she might quit her job, then her parents will kick her to the curb and she'll have nothing without me there to pick her up.
that and i'm hooked on my first love and it will tear me apart to leave her. i know i should. i'm a good looking, smart, caring guy and i could do infinitely better. but shes the one i want.. just grown up and matured. i don't know if i can really take the time and wait for her anymore, i'm blazing a trail through life and i have to drag her through too. she's a burden and a heavy weight on my shoulders, but i love her nevertheless.
this is just a rant, q you can even delete it in a few days, i just wanted to post and read what i wrote to let it simmer on my brain.
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 08:44 AM
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 08:53 AM
She may have problems, but why is it that you're the only one trying to fix them? You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. If she doesn't take her medications - that's her problem not yours. Why should you have to monitor everything she does? Sounds like she's become too dependent on you.
You have your own life to live and shouldn't have this huge burden to worry about all the time. If it was your girlfriend who came here asking for advice I'd tell her to step back from the relationship and fix what's broken on herself before bringing someone else into the mix. If you don't think this chick is gonna change any time soon then I say get out. Why go on with this any longer?
I don't want to sound harsh here, but I hate to see someone as caring as you stressed the fuck out because this girl doesn't want to change her life.
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 09:16 AM
but i feel so heartless ending it especially so close to our 2 year.. for the first 6 months the relationship was great. blah i dont want to be upset about it but ive been bummed all week with extra pressure from my pending school bills and slow-down the past 3 weeks in my side business.
i wish i could talk it through with her, but i dont even know where to start talking, knowing it only ends in tears and anger.
sometimes i just want to clear my shit out of her house, what's left that i havent taken already 'just in case', and disappear and never talk to her again. my chest burns thinking about the break up conversation.
and she im'ed me before, we've been talking online like we usually do when shes not working, the first thing she says is that she's sorry for being so difficult to be with. i was kind of lost for words, our conversation is basic and friendly besides that. she only complained about not having anything to eat or drink in her house and the pain in her jaw and her back, and not having any cigarettes.
oh here comes something.. she was talking to her dog and realized it should have been said to me.. ill let u know how this goes.
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 09:19 AM
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 09:49 AM
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 10:46 AM
That is a little extreme. The whole situation.
I don't know how you do it, you must have one hell of a backbone. But, when it comes to fucking guys from craigslist, that's just not even cool. To even think of that for a measly $400 is insane. That's putting your health and sanity in jeopardy for practically nothing.
She needs to grow up, it's not difficult. Don't give her money. Don't buy her weed. Don't cater to her every whim. And she'll grow up.
Never feel like you have to stay in a relationship with somebody because they pull stunts to try to make you feel like they can't live without you. I've been there and it practically ruined my entire life. Or at least the next 20 years of it.
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 11:41 AM
do u think she's really gonna change? or maybe u just have a thing for being used..i've met people like that..u just have to realise it thats all..
if she's really the one you want..why did u even start this thread...what are you trying to get out from our responses..do u want to end it or not?
i apologies if i'm a bit blunt...but trust me..people don't change when they usually get their way...
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 12:26 PM
i started a thread because im nuts and wanted to see my thoughts.
like the title says, it tears my mind apart. literally, like a split brain.
YES SHE DOES NEED TO GROW UP! but this i can't even blame on her, having zero parental guidance and influence other than her mother telling her to leave me and fuck as many men as she can. she has no family and no support.
i can honestly say ive only gone this far because i know some of this is literally a mental handicap. diassociative identity disorder is similar to being bi-polar, except a bit more severe in the sense that there is a loss of control of actions.
when i want to be with her, i blame the medical issues. her sanity is indeed in question. i had her hospitalized and evaluated for 72 hours the last time she pulled a suicidal thing. since the doctors were able to diagnose it, i felt horrible about accusing her of being a 'spoiled little bitch' and telling her to 'grow the fuck up cause you're not 16 anymore'. so i refrain from saying things like that.
but i know when she is herself, and in different moods. she is complex and fucked up. she is also a failed abortion.
i just love her for when i DO see the compassionate and loving side- she can be beautiful on the inside when she wants to be. last sunday we had one of those amazing moments on the beach, we were entirely alone (snuck onto a private beach), i was holding her in my arms in the ocean, which was somewhat violent, holding her safe as she cant swim too great, but we were in such peace and exctasy looking into each others eyes. literally a breathtaking moment with the sun, wind and crashing waves.. so hard to believe that was 6 days ago, and all of my feelings of frustration where nonexistant.
i swear i really think i am a jealous nut because of the dog and her not being able to recognize (or understand) my needs to be appreciated and acknowledged.
our conversation left her in tears as usual. she did accept her wrongs and fucked up priorities. it has been roughly 4 months since we fought- because i've been trying my best to not fight.
i am still confused, because i don't think she will change. i was hoping that starting college would mature her a bit. she has come a long way since we first met.. although that summer was the most amazing time of my life..
and you can't begin to understand how i feel about doing the dirty deeds i did. i was compelled by extreme thoughts that i get lost in sometimes. i fear failure more than anything. recieving $1500 in bills within 2 days was overwhelming and being an accounting major, i ran the math and realized there was no way. i did what i had to do and it tortures my mind now, and i have to live with this deep dark secret that only sexforums readers will ever know.
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 12:27 PM
I've had an ex threaten suicide if I broke up with her (knowing she had a history of attempting suicide), but I told her that I wasn't responsible for her actions, and while I did still care for her, I couldn't date her anymore.
Needless to say, she didn't commit suicide, and I was a lot happier.
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 12:47 PM
i know the breakup will mess me up pretty bad, i have my own depression issues but i take my meds and i am fine most of the time.
its kinda like blowing out your candles on your birthday and making a wish. it won't come true, but we do it anyway. we talked for a few hours before and i threw everything out on the table and said what now. i'm just not ready to give up. see i say 'give up'.. almost like i think of her as my project in life, my chance to do some good in the world and make a difference in someone's life. i have strong shoulders and i do not regret carrying the weight of the world on them, but carrying her and her world is ludicrous.
it's her fault i feel like this today.. she made sure to point out what a genuine and great person her friend was last night and made me toss and turn all night in my sleep, longing for someone more like her friend. someone that is my intellectual equal, someone as passionate as i am, and just someone genuine and true. i am wrong to force her into a mold, and i should just hightail it, and ive known this since atleast our last anniversary. but she is my damsel in distress and a valiant knight would never throw her to the wolves.
sometimes i feel like she is just a normal 20 year old girl with normal issues, and i am more like a normal 30 or 40 year old guy than a 19 year old.
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 12:51 PM
lets see what this weekend holds in store. i have 2 days off for the first time in over a year, and i plan on pushing our relationship to the brink. i can read her like a book, but there are inner emotions i have to pry out of her, which i will do as soon as i am off of work. there is something specific that is wrong and i won't give in until i know what it is. i can't go through life saying 'what if'
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 01:30 PM
It's your first love and it probably won't be your last. Don't be delusional about it. She'll move on to someone else just like you will. If she's the type of person to just take all the time without giving in return then why would she give up the cash cow so easily. It's all part of the game to keep everything in the comfort zone. Doesn't seem like you're as comfortable as she is though. If you could just read what you wrote six months from now you'd be in shock as to why you'd ever want to be with her. She is who she is. Accept her or move on.
I've had my depressing ball and chain. Didn't think I could ever make it without her. Now that this is all behind me, the only thing I regret is not leaving her sooner.
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 01:59 PM
The "first of everything relationship" is just that- the first one. This is the one where your just fucking stoked that you found a girl and got your dick wet. You take excessively more shit than any "man" would, because at this time were still learning what it is to be a man. Learn from this girl. Learn from her all the things you want but dont get with her, and learn all the things you get from her that you never want ever again in future relationships.
In my first "learner relationship" the bitch was so spoiled, she used to ask me to cut her steak for her nightly, and I did it!!! WTF!!!!? I dont know! But it sure helps you to realize what your truly looking for after you have had so much time with what your NOT looking for.
Remember her well, as she will help you for the rest of your life. But hopefully as a memory...... GL
Posted Fri Jul 17, 2009 03:16 PM
I personally have never been in this type of relationship, but I know someone who has. And how I remember his constant complaining of his GF, which was completely justified mind you, and how he would go on about how she did this or that. It was just ludicrous. But he one day said, I've had enough, and left her.
Since that day he has never been happier. And I know that the same will happen with you. You seem like a smart kid whose matured and dealt with a lot in your life. But you also sounds love struck and like you can't let go. Well let me tell you this: The first love hits the hardest. And if you do end up breaking up with her, it's gonna hurt like hell. But you will get over it and become stronger as a result.
Don't let this girl hold you back, find someone more suited for you, someone that is your equal, because until you find that person, you won't be happy.
Posted Sat Jul 18, 2009 03:15 AM
it's important to take care of yourself first
Posted Sun Jul 19, 2009 08:16 PM
sorry bro, you need to find a different woman. my advice? try to get the expensive jewelry back before dumping her. and when you do, cut off all communication with her. after she realizes her BS whining and shit isnt reeling you back in, she will stop doing it, and it will be over. you will be MUCH happier single than with her.
trust me, i was in a situation like this once, but the thing is, we werent even dating....she was just leading me on so she could meet my other friends......get out while the gettin is good my friend!
and as for the C/L thing, after you are free of the expense this childish girl imposes on you, you should have some extra cash. and dont let that tear you up inside, you gotta do what you gotta do. just be glad you didnt catch anything, and keep your head up. you are smart and ambitious. you already know you need to get rid of her, at this point, it is just a matter of WHEN, be it now or in 5 more miserable years.
Posted Mon Jul 20, 2009 09:00 PM
Posted Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:27 AM
Posted Fri Jul 24, 2009 11:10 AM
I believe I don't need to repeat why you need to break up with her for your own sake... you've already read all the comments posted above.