Posted Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:19 PM
So I'm wondering how do I meet some like-minded individual who is able to separate physical pleasure (I mean fooling around) from a deeper relationship, with the understanding that it's not viewing the other sex as an object, it's just trying to satisfy an itch. I'd be more comfortable with the idea if it was someone I knew, but I don't even know how to broach the subject with friend and not come off as creepy or whorish. I'm not trying to objectify women, but it's been over a year and a half since I've even kissed someone, and I'm getting rather physically lonely, and my time here is limited.
I'm still kind of worried that what I've said above comes off as dumb and something of a manwhorish attitude, but I'm not exactly looking for sex (I do place a high value on sex, and that is something I wouldn't feel comfortable with unless it was a serious relationship), just physical pleasure and fooling around. My last girlfriend didn't really snuggle, and it's something I've been craving ever since then, and I hate to say it, but in my mind I can separate a situation where "a hand/blow job is just a hand/blow job" from a situation where "my significant other and I became intimate with each other." Am I making any sense here?
I don't want this to be a regular thing, but being quite sex starved (age 23 and still a virgin), I'm looking for something, anything, sexual or platonic. The going-to-school-in-one-state-and-living-in-another screws with things, and given that this is my last year at school, I don't even know where a relationship started in, oh, say, my last semester, would go.
Feel free to tell me if you think my idea isn't the brightest. I am looking for a serious relationship, I just think that pursuing one during the next three weeks is a bad idea, unless we both knew it was a short-term thing, and that's the thing I don't know how to pursue. If it was long-term and serious, I have a good idea on how to go about things, but it's this short-term stuff. I suppose that's what I get for being home schooled: tons heavy in the book smarts, still counting ounces in the social-smarts.
Posted Wed Aug 05, 2009 12:09 AM
Posted Wed Aug 05, 2009 01:10 AM
There are A LOT of people out there who'd gladly have casual sex, or casual "fooling around". There's this thing called "dating" people. Where you just date and maybe have a little connection but it's nothing serious. Just dating. With the aspects of a serious relationship, but not all of the commitment. You sound like you think you're bizarre. lol. You're not, man.
Just chill, go out and meet people, and you'll be surprised what you find. Maybe some girl lookin' for the same thing you are. Fun.
Posted Wed Aug 05, 2009 06:16 AM
You my friend have been sig-castrated!
Posted Wed Aug 05, 2009 08:34 PM
I can completely understand that. I think it's only because I'm overly rational, even when I ought'nt be.
That's kind of my problem: I don't think I'm bizarre, I know there are plenty of people out there who are on the same track, I just don't know how to communicate it. I mean, I can explain how to assemble a computer, or the theory behind a DVCPro Deck, but when it comes to relationships, zip.
Part of the problem is where I live. It's relatively unsophisticated suburbia. The two bars near where I live are typically populated by somewhat older, more conservative people (typically a lot of hard drinkers, bikers like one of them, and the other is an older, east European dive that's been going out of business for years). I suppose I could hit up a club, but as someone who spends their days in khakis, business shoes and other business-casual clothes, I think I'd be a little out of place.
My problem isn't entirely how to find people, but more of how to convey what I want to say without A) Sounding like an idiot Sounding like a creeper. I've never been to a bar before, or a club for that mater, so this is rather an extreme unknown to me.
I suppose in the end, I'd feel more comfortable if I was dealing with someone I knew, but, again, this comes back to my problems in communicating: I have a friend who may have an interest in me (I'm bad at reading the signs, so there's a good chance I'm wrong), but I haven't a clue if she'd be into a short-term/no-commitment/fuckbuddy kind of thing, and I wouldn't know how to ask her, let alone ask her without making her think I'm a total skeeve.
Posted Wed Aug 05, 2009 09:15 PM
Posted Wed Aug 05, 2009 09:18 PM
Actually, I'm on the same page as you. I just haven't a clue how to do it, or how to approach girls. I'm pretty open about sex, I just don't want to give off the wrong impression.
Posted Wed Aug 05, 2009 09:27 PM
Posted Wed Aug 05, 2009 09:36 PM
My problem is moving to the next level. I know how to start a conversation, but my biggest problem is reading girls, figuring out if I'm going to fast, or if what I'm going to say will do more harm than good, or even figuring how to say what I want to say. As such, I tend to shut up.
Posted Thu Aug 06, 2009 03:16 AM
Sounds like you need to test the waters with girls more... i mean this like u shouldn't worry to much about what your gonna say and just say it or do and do it...dont be doin anything ridiculously stupid but u gotta take some risk..sometimes u might seem like an ahole but ya gotta learn from your mistakes and maybe then you will be able to read chicks better and no what will be more harmful than good...i just went out with some of the gals and am a bit intoxicated right now lol.............hope this makes sense and healps
Posted Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:16 AM
Out of curiosity how do you start the convo?
Anyway, to read her, look at her body language (smiles? eye contact? accepts touching? leans away? etc). For convo. just ask questions (sounds superficial, but it works), but try to be refreshing (not the usual, where are you from? maybe use "what's your story?") and always confident.