Don't use Durex mint lube!!!!
Posted Sun Oct 23, 2005 12:28 AM
Apparently it's supposed to create a tinglign sensation which feels good. I tried it first on my hands. Felt unsmooth, and I didn't feel the tingling, but it didn't hurt so I gave it a shot on my manhood.
It's a liquid lube (not gel), so I had to use gobs of it just to get it to even feel smooth. (I used about 1/5 the 3.3oz bottle). Well, that was fine. It was very hard to move with (I was masturbating), so I had to keep putting more on. It was also hard to even stay erect because of this.
About five minutes in, I was barely hard, and it started to...
Burn!!! Holy mother did it burn! Right at the base. I rushed to the bathroom to try to get it off. It's very hard to wash just a penis in the sink, so I hopped in the shower (nevermind that I still had socks on, it hurt!). That wasn't cutting it so I got the bath going. By this time, I had noticed that my balls started turning colors. Well, actually just one: red. Bright red, like tomato ketchup.
They hurt too. By this point I had tears in my eyes, they jsut kinda creeped out because of the pain. I took two vicodin (pain killers) that I had left over from an athletic injury a while ago. They helped a little, but my whole area still burned. I tried washing it with everything, nothing seemed to help (body wash, soap, shampoo, two different conditioners...). Eventually it kinda wore off on its own. I thought my nightmare was over.
Little did I know the stuff wasn't finished with me yet. I got dressed and Came to sit down at my computer to type this message. After holding the mouse for about 5 minutes, I noticed it was hard to get my fingers off the mouse...they were sticking. A slight tug and they were off..I looked at my mouse (a rather expensive one at that) and that blasted stuff got me again. It left this strange white adhesive film on my black mouse where I had touched it that for the life of me I couldn't get off. I also got some on a few keys on my keyboard. I tried Isopropyl Alcohol, some stain removers, even a bit of Drano and Goo Gone. Nothing worked.
I tried sanding it off with a medium-grit sanding sponge. I thought it might have been working, but I was wrong. I looked at the sanding sponge and the film left on my mouse was actually taking the sand off my sandpaper!
Optical Wireless mouse: $20
Durex Lube: $5
Wireless Keyboard: $20
two hours of horrible pain and a red nutsack: Priceless
Posted Sun Oct 23, 2005 12:45 AM
Posted Sun Oct 23, 2005 12:48 AM
Posted Sun Oct 23, 2005 01:06 AM
Posted Sun Oct 23, 2005 01:25 AM
Posted Sun Oct 23, 2005 01:43 AM
Posted Sun Oct 23, 2005 01:45 AM