Posted Mon Sep 14, 2009 09:26 AM
Recently I've been feeling distant from my bf. I love him and really care about him but I think we want different things from the relationship. I am quite impulsive and like trying new things. He's quite conservative and overly-cautious.
I called him last night to talk about this. I explained how I felt like we were closer to being just friends who hang out and are lacking any emotional connection anymore. That we don't have fun like we used to and that basically, I was bored. Not with him, but us as a couple.
This struck him totally off guard and he said he'd always thought we had a perfect relationship. I feel so incredibly guilty because I don't think he's done anything wrong, I think we're just drifting a bit.
Recently I've met a guy at uni who I really like. He has all the qualities I wish my bf had and I think I've really fallen for him (not 100% sure how he feels about me though).
I would really like the old relationship I had with my bf otherwise I'm worried I'm going to grow bored of him and get really agitated. I don't want this to happen.
Anyway, I'm kind of just... curious as to anybody's suggestions. I really like this new guy but I really like my boyfriend too and don't want to lose him.
Note: Under no circumstances am I going to cheat on my boyfriend.
Posted Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:46 AM
Posted Mon Sep 14, 2009 12:19 PM
Posted Mon Sep 14, 2009 12:27 PM
I don't think you have to ask, you are drifying away, if its not that new guy might be someone else...but your bf sounds like getting way back in the queue.
The most alarming part of it all is that it never occurred to him that you might be unhappy, which certainly means something about communication levels.
Posted Mon Sep 14, 2009 02:21 PM
its a grass is greener.
this guy at uni may be great but you'll be with him alot. and its uni. guys get around. fact.
you need to decide. can you make it work with your current or you too young for it all and want to "live" a little at uni.
all i can say is when you make your decision is to make it based on everything. if your current boyfriend loves you lots its worth sticking to it.
this guy at college could be amazing, but he could also turn out to be a standard young immature uni guy.
its a big choice. It all comes down to love and lust.
Posted Tue Sep 15, 2009 01:46 AM
Nimmy, this is very telling... he was obviously completely unaware, which means that if he hasn't been attentive in the last three years, more likely he won't be in the future. I'm sure your boyfriend has some qualities, it's just a question of aligning those with your needs and viceversa, and if the gap to wide, you're better off ending things sooner rather than later.
Posted Tue Sep 15, 2009 08:35 AM
That's my my opinion. I don't think you should throw away all this time you've spent in this relationship. It happens, you have to learn to deal with it and find ways to reinvent the sparks.
Posted Tue Sep 15, 2009 08:43 AM
my five cents...
(btw I've been there, I was married (first marriage) went back to Uni (second graduation) after 30's got excited with the young girls and almost ruined it all.)
Posted Tue Sep 15, 2009 02:40 PM
So does your first job, your first holidays abroad, your first home in another city...
I don't think anyone should dump a good relationship just because something new and exciting is waving at them...
Posted Tue Sep 15, 2009 08:45 PM
It's not going to be easy but maybe you need some time apart, find what you really want and what you really need.
Just don't use the "it's not you, it's me" line. It is him and it is you. Take a break, rather than a breakup.
Did that make sense? Friends don't let friends drink and type.... Good luck!