Any guys want to admit to being a virgin?
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 03:09 PM
I'm not talking about being a virgin at 14 or 15, I mean beyond yoyr teens and well into adult life! Did anyone get so damned scared of having sex that its put them off trying? Don't laugh, it's not funny. I'm serious because that is what happened to me and I'm really having a bad time because of it.
How old am I? Someone is bound to ask that, well if you're sitting down I'll tell you. I'm 41 (Yes seriously 41)
Sex education was really crap when I was at school and when my girlfriend decided to spring a surprise on me on my 13th birthday I didn't respond very well at all and since that day (28yrs ago) I've not been out with anyone or even considered it because I'm worried how I will react to the issue of sex.
Don't tell me to go get a prostitute, if I could do that then I wouldn't have a problem. Don't ask if I'm gay, I have no problems with anyone being gay but for the record - I'm not gay. I've been advised to seek medical advice but how embarrassing to tell another adult (male or female) face to face that the idea of having sex freaks me out. Can anyone else identify with this problem or am I completely on my own???
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 03:13 PM
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 03:21 PM
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 03:30 PM
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 03:33 PM
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 03:53 PM
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 03:59 PM
That is an interesting post.
My brother was a virgin up until being around 36.
I saw a forum he had filled in, and left lying around. Maybe I shouldn't have looked, but I was about 11, and a pesky, curious kid.
He's got a girlfriend now, and I put his lack of experience down to the religious indoctrination we all received, and he equated sex with shame.
I didn't actually take this stuff to heart, but it can affect people differently.
We all feel self-conscious sometimes when it comes to sex, and unless you meet a really mature and generous first partner it can be a daunting prospect.
Especially, if time goes on and you still haven't taken the plunge.
I would suggets just getting it over with. Get drunk, buy a packet of condoms and go on a pub crawl.
Charm the knickers off any woman that gives you a kind look, and take her into any available bed, bus shelter, bushes etc.
You will feel like you have shifted this great stone off your back.
Go for it, mate, get your end away!
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 04:18 PM
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 04:59 PM
In answer to the other reply, yes I guess when you're first girlfriend is happy to have a kiss when nobody is looking on one day and on the next she decides to get naked and push you to have sex and all at the age of 13 then it does indeed cause some problems. Probably the worse thing is in the REAL world my family and friends know nothing of what happened and just assume I'm not interested in having a relationship and I can't bring myself to tell anyone because I've kept it hidden for so long.
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 05:35 PM
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 05:41 PM
You probably need to do some internal work to alleviate this fear (and pain) if that is what you wish to do. Many problems for us humans can be eased by the right approach. I can't speculate on your condition, but i know some people are forced back to the trenches of non-sexuality by conflicting elements in their phyche...Having the correct tools at hand is necesarry to alleviate such grief. If you'd PM me i have a strong recomendation for you which isn't appopo for the public.
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 08:57 PM
I'm sorry if you thought I was being flippant about your situation.
I guess I didn't quite appreciate how pertinent that experience with your girlfriend was at the age of 13.
It must have been very disturbing for you.
Maybe you should seek professional help and assistance to talk this thing through.
Sadly, our society is incredibly sex obsessed. The act and the allure of the act is used to sell everything from music to soap.
As a result, anyone not having sex, or talking about having sex is pushed to the margins of society.
Its all very shallow and superficial, and you sound like a really nice guy.
I hope you will find the answers that you seek, and I apologise again for sounding flippant about your situation.
Posted Sun Nov 13, 2005 10:25 PM
Yes, I think counseling would be your best bet, as the others said.
Posted Mon Nov 14, 2005 04:17 AM
Posted Mon Nov 14, 2005 09:56 PM
More importantly, go to the counselor first. How to tell your family (if you even have to) would be part of the discussion.
Start by telling the counselor what happened. "I had an incident when I was 13. I think I should tell you about it." A good counselor will just listen. They've heard it all, so there will be no shock or judgement.
Posted Tue Nov 15, 2005 12:52 AM
Posted Tue Nov 15, 2005 03:09 PM
Most people say "get drunk and get laid" or "go find a hooker" or something like that and thats a fair comment I guess but there is more to this problem than simply having sex, there always has been. I think what happened just took away any trust I had in women (ok not all girls are like that) and to some extent the trust I had in myself. For christ's sake I'm supposed to be a man and it's not normal to be feeling like this about something as natural and normal as having girlfriends, getting married and having kids. I got an e-mail from someone who read my initial post and they said "what if you get run over by a bus tomorrow? You will never know what pleasure you've missed!"
That is exactly whats been troubling me for the past couple of years at least. Honestly - It didn't bother me, I really wasn't that worried until the dreaded 40th birthday started to get closer and since then its been a constant nightmare, knowing how quickly time flies when you get older and seeing dreams disappearing. Having kids WAS a real dream as I guess it is for most guys but thats not important to me now and to be really honest about it that dream has gone. I arrived quite late in my father's life (he was 46) and I regret the fact I was only in my mid 20's when he died so I promised myself then that I wouldn't let that happen and if I was going to have a family then 40 was the cut-off point and beyond that I'd just forget about that and just concentrate on enjoying my life. But what you said about "holding a woman" is what I'm feeling inside. I am missing out on that closeness.
Who knows what will happen? I could surprise myself I suppose. Certainly discussing any of this with my family is out of the question, my mother is getting on in years and my sister has her own life and although we are a close family, not close enough that I feel happy talking about this sort of problem with them. "Trauma" is an interesting word - never looked at it like that before - just something that happened and shouldn't have!!
Posted Wed Nov 16, 2005 01:52 AM
I used to have fears of sex also, except I was so horny, by the time the opportunity came to lose my v, it didn't matter. My fear was that my 4 inch penis wouldn't do shit for my girl. Untrue. I gave her three orgasms when I lost my v, partly because I got a little sex knowledge from lurking in forums to prepare myself and boost my confidence. By the time it happened, I already knew where the G-spot is generally located, how to go down on a woman, and common spots to kiss and caress when to get a girl good and wet. I had enough theory to overlook my short comings, so when I finally faced my fears, I was as ready as I could be. ANd it didn't turn out so bad afterall. It was some of the best sex she has had. SHe calls me superman!
Posted Wed Nov 16, 2005 02:12 AM
This was done to a child , this child is no longer alive . Now in his place stands a MAN & he fears his tormentors no longer ! Come at him as you will & bring your best ! He will strike YOU down & stand over your broken bleeding corpse smiling in your defeat ! You had power over a child , but the MAN that now stands in his place ye shall not touch for he will be your death ! Your right to exist is denied , you had your chance & you FUCKING LOST !
Posted Wed Nov 16, 2005 03:30 AM
I understand what you're trying to say too!
I'm not sure that Billy who answered before you has quite grasped what I've been saying but thanks anyway Billy.