Posted Thu Nov 12, 2009 02:11 PM
I mean it would be useful to know if the problem was with your looks, appearance or your personality. And if its your personality, then what the reasons are.
I mean, in my opinion 75% of it your either attractive to the opposite sex as a person or your not and you always/will or won't be. But there is a certain percentage you can change, and with no successful dates etc yet it would be a big use for me to find out.
I mean, is it just that all you can really do are ask the people you went on the dates with, or are there other ways?
Posted Thu Nov 12, 2009 04:26 PM
Find yourself a female friend.
My friends and I talk about what happens in our relationships a lot. And, we give honest feedback. We even send lines from chats (and sometimes entire chats) to each other for analysis. Although it may seem too personal to some, we don't have problems being open. It really helps to get different opinions about what men say and what I say. For example, one of my friends pointed out that several of my comments sound like fishing. I didn't intend to fish, so her feedback helped me pay attention to certain aspects of my own communication. Also, my friends know my policy - if they ask me to keep it to myself, I will. But most things are not so personal.
Posted Thu Nov 12, 2009 08:26 PM
I agree. I'd also encourage you to learn some fundamental psychology in addition to getting chick friends if you haven't already done so. If you can work backwards from what someone is thinking, you can give yourself feedback from their perspective. At least that's what I tell myself Knowledge of how the ego works is crucial to any social interaction, to which dating is no exception.
Posted Fri Nov 13, 2009 01:48 AM
Posted Fri Nov 13, 2009 04:57 AM
Why, just out of curiosity?
And if all else fails, why not hire a female dating coach? You can probably get a student discount, and if you don't mind some of the follow-up over the phone or Skype... that will keep the bill down as well. Check out the International Coaching Federation to understand what kind of qualifications a coach should have...there are a lot of hucksters out there...
Posted Fri Nov 13, 2009 01:10 PM
Lol, this is so diffcult to explain. You cant just go out and grab someone and ask them to be your friend. I have as i say, just the one friend out of work and he has no girl friends himself whom i could be friends with and at the current work place (like everyone before) i dont work with any girls (apart from the students) so i cant then befriend them and see them out of work or have them as a girl-mate. In fact at present i dont have any guys numbers even if i wanted to be friends with them out of work, let alone girls! Its not cos im not popular or a weirdo or anything, in fact they all seem to get on with me well, im always very popular. It's just they have their own social groups and live in their own towns outside of work and none have ever said they wanted to be mates out of work or exchange numbers, so therefore i only ever see them at work.
The only females i have to ask for any advice are my mum and sister. Sister is a bit of a lost cause and ironically so different to me, She's five years younger, very attractive had lots of guys etc. Totally different ball game for her she doesnt understand, and she has never tried to set me up with friends or anything like that. Sensitivity and helping is not one of her strong points im afraid - dont get me wrong she's a nice girl though. I mean i live with her at the moment! And mum, well you know what mum's are like, especially to their favourite sons they will never have a bad word to say about you - although she is pretty cool for an old woman lol and has given some decent advice. But she will always think the sun shines out of your bum and not undserstand why ur not attractive to opposite sex and thats no help really
The ultimate irony is i actually get on better with girls/women than blokes, the problem is out side of a superficial context i just dont know any to have as friends and never have for the last 10yrs.
As for the 'dating coach' thing. No, i couldn't do that. Too proud and too angry at situation. Plus i dont have the money! Thanks for the advice though