i get off work, finally. a place right now due to gas prices and only one car i spend the night on friday nights and work through saturday.
i go to a local bar. as i walk there it is raining. a warm spring rain. tells of spring really is on its way. i walk by the local yuppie bar. lots of conversation of money, and what jobs they have or will have and up to date top 40 music. i continue on to a more low keyed bar. blues music wafting around the air, even outside, making me think of hot summer days fishing on the river trying to beat the heat and crows drifting in the updrafts calling.
i go inside and drink a few beers with a couple of shots of tequila. enjoy the music. the atmosphere of blues for a little while.
a sweet hottie that is about 15 years younger than myself sits at my table where i enjoy the tunes, my beer, and cigarettes, which i only do when i drink now. she starts up a conversation about nothing really. same old stuff of everyday. she slowly puts her hand on my leg and whispers in my ear just before she licks my ear, " let's go somewhere." i smile and tell her as i show her my ring, "i'm married to a beautiful wonderful woman. i'd take you up on your offer, but i don't love you. " she smiles and strokes my cheek to wander away.
i think then of how sex with someone you don't love is a selfish act. only thinking of yourself. how you feel. and i know then i have to love the person i want to have sex with. i need to make them feel good, explore what they want to have explored. and hopefully they will repay in kind. sure, i'll have sex with my wife with others watching, or a 3 way, or whatever, but i have to love them, and hopefully they love me and, whoever else. no matter what kind of sex there is.
i sit here and wish i was at home in bed next to my wife sleeping, with my kids in the other room dreaming the dreams only little children have. knowing i love and am loved.
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