Wow ,I so lied to myself n to him
Posted Tue Jun 01, 2010 07:15 PM
I spent 10 months with such a wonderful guy, caring , present , romantic, strong, good-hearted .... but all I did was complaining about the little details !! I mean, I ve almost lost my fiance and Im still not sure He's really gonna give me another chance.I mean, would I myself ??
I spent all those months asking him to do that or do this and complained when it wasn't done. But what did I do myself ?? Nothing that worth talking about !!! I hurt his feelings and his self esteem bc everytime he had the feeling he wasn't good enough for me .
I don't understand how I let myself go like this. I used to be peaceful , quiet and active but lately, all I've done was crying and yelling , just like a spoilt brat !!
And all that time, I tried to convince myself that I was saying something important that could help us to make it work. Godness !
I mean, I helped him financially but otherwise ... . I didn't even take the pain to listen to him , He would be talking and Id cut him off to talk about something else. He was all alone with nobody to support him, not even his own fiancee , she was too busy complaining ! He got his shortcomings , right but why did I act like that ??
I feel so ashamed of myself. We had some nice moments sure ( thanx god , we had fun too ) but poor guy , I got him going through some rough things !!
***I just felt like talking about it .Im kinda new here but I really like this forum, I learnt some interesting things about relationships etc ..., Thanx to everybody by the way !! ***
Posted Tue Jun 01, 2010 07:37 PM
Posted Tue Jun 01, 2010 08:11 PM
Posted Tue Jun 01, 2010 11:18 PM
Can you keep yourself from continuing the same type of behavior?
If yes, then you need to tell him what you have come to realize about yourself and how it may have hurt the relationship. Also, make a promise to him and yourself that you will change the attitude you have shown in the past.
If you don't think you can keep yourself from this behavior, I'm afraid your relationship with this man may not survive.
Relationships are not a contest and they should not be a gauge of how you did more or helped the other more. In reality, there are times when one person gives more or needs to be the strong side for the other. But these roles should even out and swap over a long enough time line. Relationships are about US not you or him.
I could go on and on about this...hmmm maybe a good idea for my next blog entry.
Posted Wed Jun 02, 2010 12:16 AM
It's like I've been somebody else, living in my own world , all away from the reality ! Now I feel so relaxed , so quiet whereas all those months I've been all over the place , talking, yelling, crying !!
I've always been trying to make it work as I deeply love this man and would like to spend my life with him but how could it work without even seeing the truth ?? Ive been so childish , I guess I took him for granted ... I was never satisfied, always unhappy, I don't even know why he stayed with me for so long !! I thought I was thinking about both of us, but I guess I lied to myself !
Anyway, I hope its not too late , Im ready to improve myself and why not, talk to a professional and deal with some of my other issues ...
Thanks for your help guys !!
Mojojo, Ill be waiting for that blog entry, definitely !!
Posted Wed Jun 02, 2010 03:56 AM
What I mean by that is sometimes the worst can be brought out in a person. And while the first step is admitting that you were THAT person, the second step is asking why. I mean you said before you met him that you were peaceful, quiet, active, etc. So there must be some dynamic at play that fundamentally changed your outlook.
So I'm not trying to shift blame here. You've owned up to your mistakes. Just tread carefully. As much as you love this person, you might simply not be able to make it work, unless you and he are willing to dig deep. It might not be pretty.
If you have some outside friends & family who were able to observe your relationship, they can be a wealth of information to fill in some of the puzzle pieces.
Posted Wed Jun 02, 2010 05:46 AM
She used to tell me that I hated her and I didn't want to be with her if I said I had some kind of extra work, a side job or a random weekend opportunity to make some money. In truth, I just wanted to work to make money, and any time I worked a weekend I ALWAYS took her out for dinner and we did something fun or went shopping. She didn't understand that #1 only really stupid people turn down work/money in a broken economy, and #2, I want to spend my life with you, we'll have plenty of time together before we die, so let me wake up early and work a few hours... hours that we'd be sleeping away anyway!
Good luck, i'm all for second chances, hope he is too.
Posted Wed Jun 02, 2010 04:31 PM
I was so afraid of becoming this type of lady , bitchy , weeping , yelling , controlling , obsessing but I guess I was so afraid that ....I became that !! I have to let him be .
Im a fun, cool, open-minded lady , spontaneous -------how did this happen ?? I stressed myself , being jealous and everything when there's no need, Im the one he gave his heart to !
Cocoa, I guess the root is that He got me used to all that , I didnt ask for anything .When we began dating , He would go and do this and that for me, spend all his time with me, he refused to go n see his friends, he wouldnt even answer the phone , it was all about me !! So, when he tried to come back to his former life, it was too much - how can you get me used to that life and then expect me to shut up while you now spend all your time with your friends or alone ??? I guess he was so happy to find a different girl that He was too excited at the beginning , too willing to make me stay .I know he has some insecurities sometimes. ..
Posted Thu Jun 03, 2010 06:53 PM
Posted Thu Jun 03, 2010 11:54 PM
Posted Fri Jun 04, 2010 01:09 AM
I didnt promise anything , i understood it d be better to act than to talk, ive already talked more than enough !!!
I guess he understands what happened , things are already better . I dont feel the need to complain but more to live my own life. Otherwise , the only problem is that its hard sometimes for me to control my anger when he doesnt understand that we re talking about the same thing but differently and that he got mad , thinking i was talking about something else !! Its just frustrating ...
I think he just wanted his real lady back, not that "bitch " sorry for the vocab !!
Posted Fri Jun 04, 2010 06:38 AM
it's really stupid but sometimes my girlfriend and I fight through text message during the day. text messages are the worst thing for a relationship, you can't tell joking/sarcasm or any other emotion and things get misunderstood so easily. every fight we have starts by text message, and then when we're finally home together, we work things out within 3 minutes.
we try to not text too much but it's hard because i want to communicate with her, we do miss each other.
i have anger problems sometimes although i've been doing really good lately. i can't give advice really, when you feel an argument or a problem coming up, it's best to just avoid it entirely and change the topic.
Posted Fri Jun 04, 2010 01:19 PM
The worst is that everytime we see things the same way but do express it differently so he gets mad bc he thinks i dont understand and i got mad bc he doesnt even understand that ive just said the same thing !! at the end, we spend like 1 hour wasting our time over some silly things. Its frustrating . Now I try not to yell and to get out of the room...