Is this weird, or is it just me? Absolute zero physical contacts
Posted Tue Jun 08, 2010 05:50 PM
I grew up in a more conservative environment, so does he. We are not against pre-marital sex, but it's not something we think of doing.
I was never comfortable with physical contacts with the opposite gender, and once (well, that was 11 years ago...) slapped a guy who tried to kiss me - instinctively. He knew it, respected it - so I have always been really comfortable with him.
And now it has been around 7 years - 5 years (semi) long distant, one more year till I graduate, two till his. We visit each other few times a year, more recently. Quite often I wanted to do *something* - cuddle, kisses, just getting intimate. Because he has never initiate anything, so I am too afraid to as well. When we started going out, we were still in high school. But now, I'm 24 years old. Even if I do not want pre-marital sex, I feel it's pathetic to be 24 and never been kissed. I wonder if things between us are just not normal, or that he just couldn't find me sexually attractive! Lots of time I *do* very unattractive when I tried getting dressed in lingerie or flirting but having totally no reactions from him!!
Posted Tue Jun 08, 2010 07:22 PM
If I was your guy, I'd be kind of gun shy to make another move. Last time didn't work out so well for him. My guess is he respects you very much, and doesn't want to mess things up between you two. Maybe he is just as conservative as you?
There isn't anything that says you couldn't nudge him in the direction you want to go. Or possibly talk to him, and put your feelings out there. Seems all matters of this kind involve some sort of risk, but you almost never get anywhere in life without a little risk. Kind of exciting isn't it?
My tricks to begin contact with a lady I'm seeing usually involve sitting closer together, maybe taking her hand to look at a piece of jewelry that she is wearing. Of course this doesn't directly translate, but you can take the idea of getting closer to begin to initiate touch and make it your own.
Posted Tue Jun 08, 2010 07:31 PM
Posted Tue Jun 08, 2010 07:55 PM
It's a cliche, but you have to learn to walk before you can run. It seems to me like you're trying to go from Point A to Point C without going through Point B.
I agree with the other posters who said that you should try fostering some intimacy first by initiating physical contact that isn't necessarily sexual. Hold hands while you sit on the couch and watch TV. Or hold hands when you're out in public (taking a walk or at the movies or at dinner). Try touching his hands or arms lightly when you're talking to him. It'll get his attention and keep it. If you're walking together, link your arm through his as you walk next to him. Maybe play with his hair when you're relaxing together.
Touching makes people feel good - about themselves and about each other and about their relationship. The more you touch each other, the more you'll want to touch each other.
But the bottom line is to start small. Don't go for the gold all at once.
Once you're comfortable with touching in non-sexual ways, then maybe try a kiss.
Posted Tue Jun 08, 2010 08:00 PM
I'm trying to put myself in your position and i'm coming up short. The first time i kiss a guy, there's sometimes nervousness and apprehension. But this is doesn't happen with guys i've been with for so long. There should be a level of comfort there for you that going in for a kiss shouldn't be too difficult. I want to give you solid advice, but i'm coming up short. I struggle with the first kiss sometimes, especially if i'm the one to initiate.
Baby steps is all you can do. Take it slow and work your way up. If there is absolutely no intimacy whatsoever, regardless of not wishing to have pre-marital sex... i'd hate to say it, but there might be a problem.
There should be some form of intimacy, if you're in a committed and loving relationship with somebody. Intimacy and Sex are not the same thing.
Posted Wed Jun 09, 2010 05:50 AM
Ahh the butterflies, I get them once in a while still. Nothing like the beginning of a relationship, or when physical contact begins in your case.
Posted Wed Jun 09, 2010 09:17 PM
It seems to me that your question is based on your what you perceive the opinions of others are, about this. If your relationship is as close as you make it out to be, these things are perhaps absolutely none of anybody's business. Maybe you both instinctively perceive that since you're so close and are to be married, then its best for both of you - personally - to wait until marriage.
One little word of caution, also - If you do start messing around, be careful, because with so much passion built up between two people for so much time, "one thing can lead to another." And when it DOES happen - at the time and place that it's supposed to - don't build up your expectations so high that you can't even enjoy it. Frankly, the first time may be over very quickly. So just enjoy being with each other and learning about sex with each other over time - things will come when they're good and ready - pun intended!
Posted Thu Jun 10, 2010 07:13 PM
Will be visiting this weekend as well, I'll see how things go =D