to love or make love
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 11:44 AM
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 02:06 PM
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 03:04 PM
Im so with you on this one. I'd rather know up front if the sex is good, id be pissed if putting all sorts of time in and find out that all she does is just lay there and sweat....no thanks.
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 03:13 PM
On the other hand, when I meet a girl who I am interested in and she has no inhibitions to show that she is interested in me, too, then it seems more sincere to me and I do not have to hide my feelings and neither does she, so it seems like a fair situation and this situation gives me more chances to develop even more intense emotions, not just sexual interest, towards this person.
If I meet a girl who is playing hard to get and who would feel offended by sexual activities at the beginning of our relationship, then there is a high probability that in the long run this situation will persist and it is the most significant sign that also in the next phases of our relationship she will adopt the role of a sexual gate keeper and push me into the role of the "beggar" who has to "earn" her "favour" whenever I would like to have anything sexual with her.
At least, my personal experience gave enough support to me in this point.
In a relationship, I need several things to be happy and satisfied, some of them are:
-her interest in me and sexual desire at a comparable level with mine
-her sincerity and not playing silly games
-the feeling that I can be open and that I can be myself without the fear that she will condemn me for who I am (and in my case, sexuality is a crucial point) without her trying to make me feel "ashamed" and pushing me into pretending some roles which are contradictory to my real personality
-healthy and natural attitude to sexuality in general, positive attitude to sexual desire as something good and beautiful, not some underlying messages that sex is "dirty" or "inappropriate" unless all stars in the heaven sing that it is the right time to make this "mystery" happen
So, when our sexual interest is reciprocated right from the beginning, it is a good sign for me - there are two possibilities, either we will have amazing sex in the context of a one night stand/short-term sexual relationship or we will find out that in addition to amazing sex we can start a loving relationship together. Both of these alternatives have always been better for me than chasing some goddess of chastity who turned out to be antisexual in her holy heart.
So I can subscribe under the words of backcheck - his post (above) summarizes my opinion and experience to a large extend.
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 03:37 PM
Sex is so much better when you have feelings for the person, and you know them at least somewhat well. There's more comfort. Less awkwardness.
I'm a rather shy person in general (Yeah don't laugh, it's true... in real life at least!) so it really helps me to at least somewhat know the person.
I am also a girl. Guys loath chasing girls. Girls don't really have to chase guys. But I still added my opinion.
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 04:54 PM
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 06:48 PM
I'd rather get to know someone, actually like them not just for physical reasons but also like them in all other areas as well and have a connection with them. To me then it means something more than just hooking up with whomever and I know if that person did wait till the time was right then he's after more than just a hook up as well. And sex can be awkward with anyone new...but when your comfortable talking you can work to fix any kinks in the sexual parts of your relationship other than having one shitty one night stand.
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 08:25 PM
I've never really been interested in random sex or ONSs.
The best part of sex for me is knowing my SO on a deep level and feeling an emotional connection in addition to the physical connection of love-making.
I'd rather have sex with my SO because I know and can trust him and open up and be less inhibited during sex with him.
With a random person or a ONS, I'd be worried about how I look, whether or not I was good enough in bed, what would happen after the sex was over...I just wouldn't have a good time and probably wouldn't get much pleasure out of the whole situation.
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 08:45 PM
Chasing is a game and I don't play games in relationships. There is a middle ground between easy sex and chasing--mutually taking the time to get to know each other. I'll give that one my vote.
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:19 PM
Posted Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:41 PM