#uestion for the Women here..
Posted Tue Jul 20, 2010 02:23 PM
Posted Tue Jul 20, 2010 02:30 PM
I do the same for him.
Now that's clothing but it speaks to the whole common sense issue in being honest. I don't think I want my man to be honest and tell me I'm horrible at giving head - I think I'd rather him teach me how to be better. [I am NOT horrible, by the way!!]
Then again, I think younger people may still be sorting out the whole common sense thing....it does take some time to get the hang of it. And to get the hang of saying something truthfully but with no malice.
Posted Tue Jul 20, 2010 03:15 PM
Posted Tue Jul 20, 2010 03:19 PM
I think the underlying issue to this question is how men and women communicate. Research shows that in English (not sure of other languages), men are pragmatic in their communication. They say directly and simply what needs to be said. Women communicate with the goal of social harmony, so they are known to use unnecessary information just to facilitate relationships (not just romantic, but all). Women also "sandwich" negative information between positive info to do the same thing. Deborah Tannen has done linguistic research on the topic and labels the men's style as "report" and the women's style as "rapport". So, the issue may not be so much about openness and honesty, but how you voice these things. One research study about male and female communication in the workplace found that when asked the question, "What did you think of Joe's presentation?" about a less than stellar performance, men listed their feedback in order of importance. For example, a man might answer, "Joe needs to work on X." Women, on the other hand, generally say things like, "Joe did well overall, but X would be helpful; I did really appreciate his Y." The result of this is that women find men's communication harsh, as it doesn't promote harmony; men interpret the first thing on women's list as the most important and discount the following information as secondary and not worth too much concern, which leads to them missing the real message.
So, the point of this explanation is that women need to be more direct with men, and men need to, as the other posters have suggested, remember that everybody's feelings are very important to women, so they need to express negative information carefully. Understanding this leads to much more clarity in understanding what your partner is saying.
Posted Tue Jul 20, 2010 09:49 PM
Im with them on this. Be honest with me!! I get so mad when I find out someone has lied to me, especially when someone else comes and tells me the truth and I have to find out the hard way that they lied to me.
Posted Wed Jul 21, 2010 07:46 AM
This post has been edited by B A: Wed Jul 21, 2010 07:59 AM
Posted Wed Jul 21, 2010 08:04 AM
if you lie to a girl she will often end up mistrusting or disliking you, perhaps even hating you.
if you tell a girl the truth without any thought as to how you present it, or the tact and way in which you say it, she is garunteed to end up hating you.
If you tell a girl the truth and are open with her, but also control that honesty so you can think and balance your tact and bluntess with a bit of thought you can do allot better.
Case and point, I was with a girl I was dating, and we were walking through a swimming pool entrance tunnel between the changing rooms and the swimming pool, and there pressed to one wall of the tunnel were two 19-20 year old women making out, pressed into the middle of a makeout session as if they planned to more on "et flagrante" in the middle of the pools entrance tunnel.
Of course as is natural for a young male I was at the time, I stop and do a bit of a double take... keep walking but also keep watching.
Later on the girlfriend of the time confronts me about what I thought about those two girls making out... this I was ready for, for I had envisioned this question coming so I used some tact.
"I've never seen two lesbians before... they were quite young and looked ok... although you know it was kinda silly to do it in the middle of the tunnel wasn't it... but then again if I got the chance... pressing you up against a tunnel wall and making out..." Insert smirk "Wanna go back and make out a bit.??"
Using this I minimised the idea of sexual attraction to the lesbians and like all I was interested in was the idea of doing the same sort of thing with the girl I was with.