Quite often a woman denies her feelings of need for a man because she doesn't want to feel obligated to have sex. But by clearly realizing that she is under no obligation, she can begin to freely flirt with men and enjoy recieving what men can offer. She can feel her needs without feeling obligated. The more receptive and responsive she becomes, the more attractive she will be to the kind of man who will want to marry her.
When a woman has a tendency to feel obligated in response to a man's advances, it prevents her from being receptive. Younger women, in particular, feel a pressure not to let a man pay on a date so that they don't feel obligated to have sex. This is a woman's way of saying that he should not get his hopes up.
She senses his desires and wants him not to get the wrong idea. The problem with this approach is that he will get the idea that she is not receptive at all and lose interest. By denying the part of her that needs a man's affections, she will decrease her own ability to feel attractive and attracted.
Just because a woman enjoys a man's gifts does not in any way obligate her to give more than a smile or a thank you. Women commonly confuse a man's hope that he will "get lucky" with the expectaion that she should be physically intimate with him.
Most men do not expect a woman to be physically intimante; they just hope to get lucky. They don't think, "Well, I paid for dinner, so she should have sex with me." Still, sometimes a woman will refuse to let a man pay for dinner because she doesn't want him to get the wrong idea. This is insulting not only to him but to herself as well. If she feels that a man is trying to buy her sexual favors, then why go out with him at all?
It is innocent for a man to want to be intimate physically and it is just as innocent for a woman to feel swept off her feet by a man's strong interest and passion. While most men hope to get lucky, there are some who expect it. They have had sex with women who are just looking for a good time, so they expect this from all women.
They expect it because they see it on TV, in the movies, and in magazines, and they assume that all women are just as fast as men. Without an understanding of what makes a relationship work, it appears that sex is a heavenly antidote for a frustrated love life. Nothing could be further from the truth.
When a man is used to fast women and then he meets a woman who wants to go slowly, it is normal for him to grumble a bit. If, however, there is more than just physical chemistry between them, he will respect her wishes and go slowly.
Instead of just refusing to be receptive to all his advances, a woman should just politely and firmly say no to the sexual part is he is not yet ready. If he can repect her, then he is worthy of her. If he cannot and stays annoyed, then he is not ready to be in a serious relationship and she does herself and him a favor by rejecting him.
When a man wants to be more physically intimate and a woman doesn't know how to say no because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings, she needs to remember that she is not obligated in any way. All he needs is to feel successful in fulfilling her and hope that one day it might happen. She can simply say, "I like this, but I'm not ready for more. This is as far as I go for now."
Saying no to sex does not mean that a couple should have no sexual intimacy. Men need physical intimacy in order to open up and feel their love and desire, and to feel committed. Just as women are stimulated by a man's strong interest and good conversation, men are stimulated by a woman's sexual responsiveness.
The best approach is always to be clear and definite. Being vague doen't work. Many men hear this as a clear invitation to keep advancing when a woman says, "I don't know. maybe we should wait." He will continue until he gets a clear no. Just as a man needs to be repectful of a woman's boundaries, a woman also needs to consider the mesage she is giving.
When a man is touching a woman, moving his hand away to say no is generally misintepreted as, "Not, yet; I am not ready." If she means, "Don't do that again tonight," then she needs to say that with words. If he does not repect that first no, then she needs to get up right at moment and leave. She can be polite and also be clear about setting that boundary. She could just get up and say, "I really like you, but I am not ready for this." Then she should go home, or at least to another room.
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