Why am i such a SPAZ?
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 01:18 AM
Im 21. My cherry was popped at 18 by a woman (21) with a baby. it is because of this expirence with her, her baby's daddy, and the drama involved coupled with a few other things, that I am not fond of babies, and little children.
My girlfriend just turned 22. She was with a guy for a few years and lived with him. he turned out to be a major asshole and she "lost her self identity" They broke up and i came into the picture, 5 months down the road.
My girlfriends room mates are good friends of mine and are a couple that have been together for a good 5 years. there was an off point in the relationship (break) and He wound up impregnating some other woman. they are back together. Fast forward to a few days ago, the baby is born, and he is fighting with his girlfriend for full custody (at least he's not a deadbeat)
Now, on to the meat and potatoes.
I've been with my girlfriend now, 3 days shy of 6 months. 2 months ago we lived together for a bout 25 days. needless to say it didnt work too well. I needed to get out of my house (living with parents still) and figured maybe it would work. Lately I've felt that her life has been so dedicated to work, and Mainly, supporting her roomate and their baby issues. She seeks advice from her roomates boyfriend and reveres him as some sort of spiritual sensei. She always tells me that i should listen to him. Jealousy has it that she never listens to my point of view like it matters.
Little things folks. Today, for instance, she was enammered with an idea she had for her roommates to have matching costumes for holloween. When i asked her what we were going as, she simply said "Do what ever you want hun". I then specifically asked her if we were going to match and she said once again, do what i want. Little shit. i know. It bugs me though.
Yesterday, i told her i wanted to spend quality time with her today. It didnt happen. I went over there, sat on a bed corner watching her search for faries, dresses, and baby shit on the internet. Meanwhile her roomates are caught up entirely in what order these dumb figurines should appear on a baby's mobile. (apparently, TINK has to be supervising all, and color coordination and blah blah blah.) I went out on the patio to get some air.
She came out 30 minutes later after noticing i was gone and acted like nothing was up. i clearly stated that 'baby mania' was uncomfortable to me. Immediately to her retort of "Its not all about you you know..."
Simply put, I told her that some of it is. im uncomfortable around it and that's all she's focusing on right now besides work. Our relationship has taken a turn to where im always going over to her place (appartment). if this baby is there, it affects the relationship ever so slightly in her focus and my discomfort. Trivial shit i know. She dosent come over to my house because my mom is an absolute sociopathic monster.
Im feeling that she's either gotten too far ahead of herself in "Finding who she is" and forgot that she's got a relationship, or she's gotten lazy in the relationship. Im clingy. i'll admit that upright and out there. Im also spastic and i worry alot. I told her to call me tonigt (as i was leaving. She wanted to go to the craft store with her room mate.. some quality time spent hey?) She said "Yeah, i'll call you".
here my pityfull ass is at 1:30am typing all this shit down now, and i havent heard from her. I guess this is more for me to vent, so thanks for listening, but i really would appreciate some expertise in how not to let shit bother me so much, and how / what i should be doing to deal with some of this. Thanks.
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 01:22 AM
I tend to look at people's actions rather than listen to their words and find that their actions are almost always a reliable way to tell how they really feel.
But maybe I am wrong.
Hope everything works out for you.
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 01:25 AM
Oh and hey. Long long post. Thanks for taking the time to read through it.
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 01:26 AM
Sorry, does that make more sense?
For example, she said she would call you, but didn't.
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 01:29 AM
now here go's making excuses on her behalf, she always has her phone on her bed under a stack of pillows. she also probably went to bed at 9:00 but many times she's layed down to take a "nap" and ends up falling asleep for the night.. When i called at 11:50 she was probably fast asleep. I probably shouldnt have called and just left it as is. Makes me look clingy i guess.
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 01:34 AM
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 01:36 AM
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 01:41 AM
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 01:46 AM
I used to be somewhat like yourself. Too worried to dig deep, but, that's what you really need to do. It sucks, it might hurt, but at least you'll know what's going on. Anymore, fear of not knowing where I/we stand scares me more than the consequences of knowing what's truly going on. Because it is only then that you can find a way to solve the problem.
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 04:06 AM
I'm also getting a vibe that something may be going on between her and the babies daddy behind your back. The reason I say that is because you said she holds him in such high regard and thinks you listen to what he says. She cares more about his halloween costume than calling you or spending time with you.
Honestly I think the healthiest thing for you to do is cut your ties, count your losses and move on. The drama that will happen in the future and in the present is just not worth it. 6 months seems like a long time now, but often times when we're young and in our first long relationships we dont know when to end it.
The signs are there, you should probably end this. In the future relationships like this will be over in a couple months rather than 6+.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 09:10 AM
Posted Sun Oct 01, 2006 02:03 PM
Posted Sat Jan 24, 2009 09:55 PM