Ladies, harassed or creeped out at work?
Posted Wed Dec 01, 2010 03:23 AM
Posted Wed Dec 01, 2010 07:56 AM
interesting question but usually if a guy is interested in a girl, the best thing he can do is approach her politely and respectfully. Be friendly and don't go making a play for her.
I think instead of wondering how you'll know if you are weirding someone out, that you wonder how to approach females properly in the first instance. Its a bit shit to be hit on in the workplace to be honest, it happens sometimes but when its happened to me, i've not arsed around with body language, i've just said that i'm flattered but not interested for xyz reason.
just don't be rushing in there with a direct approach and remember that if a girl seems happy to talk to you, then they usually are, if they reply to you with one word answers or carry on with work etc when you are talking to them, then they're most likely not interested.
Posted Wed Dec 01, 2010 01:26 PM
Posted Wed Dec 01, 2010 01:42 PM
The latter actually happened to me on a business trip with my then supervisor. I had no idea he had a thing for me, and I only realized it when he pulled me behind the door in a hotel room and stamp a kiss on my mouth. I mean how do you respond after being hit by an 18-wheeler as I didn't have the slightest idea. Oh and he was married, I knew his wife and children and he knew I was going to get married in a few weeks.
Of course I told my then fiancée, now ex-husband, as soon as I got home, and he just shrugged it off, but I was mad as hell.
This post has been edited by Olive: Wed Dec 01, 2010 01:43 PM
Posted Wed Dec 01, 2010 02:14 PM
I keep a physical distance between the men and women I work
with and myself. As long as they're not invading my space,
I don't usually say anything. When the guy gets too close for
comfort, I tell him to respect my space.
If the person does it again, I warn again, but, this time, I call
I don't wear jewelery, but I do go around with a wedding ring,
to keep unwanted men away.
I'm always puzzled men approach me in this way at work, because
I'm very modest in dressing and behavior.
Posted Wed Dec 01, 2010 02:38 PM
Posted Wed Dec 01, 2010 02:39 PM
I don't wear mine much now.
Posted Wed Dec 01, 2010 05:48 PM
Posted Wed Dec 01, 2010 08:02 PM
Posted Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:06 AM
Posted Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:38 AM
I don't wear mine much now.
i guess then folks at your office are in for some luck...!!!!!
Posted Thu Dec 02, 2010 01:04 AM
Posted Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:13 AM
Posted Sat Dec 04, 2010 08:42 AM
I'd be mildly surprised if there were any women who haven't been harassed in the workplace, in one way or another.
Tread lightly. This is a very ticklish thing nowadays. I've seen three men fired in recent years for inappropriate behavior on the job. Two of them were jerks and it was definitely justified, but the third one was more open to interpretation. It could have gone either way.
The thing is to try and make sure it's not even an issue. Keep yourself squeaky clean and above suspicion.
Don't make suggestive remarks, in person or in emails. Don't tell off-color jokes (including forwarding mass emails with off-color jokes, even if a woman sent it to you). And don't touch anyone, unless she touches you first.
Regarding asking out someone from the workplace, I'd wait until she makes it patently obvious that she'd like to go out with you. But even then, remember that if you do start dating and then break up, you still have to work with her. That could get uncomfortable.
Hey, I don't mean to be a total downer here, but you gotta be careful.
Posted Mon Dec 06, 2010 11:46 AM
While married, I have been hit on several times. When it happens at work, I just laught it off as flirting. As a married man, when a co-worker hits on me, and I don't take the bait, they get the message. I understand it will be different for women.
When I was single, it was never a problem. If you want to hook up with a co worker, just ask her to hang out. All of my work hook ups back then started out as a group event. A group from work would go out to the bar or an event together. That is what I would recommend. Holiday parties are coming up. Just hang with her there, and if there is a spark, ask her out for a one on one date later.
DO NOT make sexy comments to or about her at work! Be on the safe side. I had one woman tell me she would give me the file I needed (or something like that) if I "gave her a kiss." We were alone at the time. Another told me when I showed up for my first day that "the view in the office has improved." I was married at the time for both, so I didn't jump on it. But if the roles were reversed, and I made those statements, I could have been facing sexual harassment charges. Be careful.
Finally, if this is your career, and not just a job, be VERY careful. Odds are that the relationship will not last, and when its over, do you want to keep working with your ex?
Posted Mon Dec 06, 2010 11:51 AM
anyone I come into contact with knows i'm a married woman, I don't sleep around so it wouldnt be a problem for me masoom, as an asides, i'm a big girl that can well and truly handle myself if someone was trying it on and I didnt want the attention.
Posted Mon Dec 06, 2010 09:36 PM
There is one man that I work with now, who used to be a regular customer of mine at an old job I had. I know him very well and I know he's harmless, he is married, and while I KNOW he finds me attractive and I may have fueled a fantasy or two - I know he's not serious, and would never do anything inappropriate.
That said, at work he has come up to me and rubbed my shoulders. This was one thing I thought was just stupid, I was not offended by it, but it was in direct view of many people and these days you HAVE to watch yourself.
Just yesterday one of my managers and I were wrangling something, trying to fix it. He stopped abruptly and said "I don't want to brush you somewhere I shouldn't." when I looked at him funny. I think *that* is a little over the top, as were trying to fix something together and touching me was unavoidable. This just goes to show how big of an issue it is, though.
I wear an apron at work, and I can't tell you how many of the guys sneak up behind me and untie it. Is this inappropriate who knows. I work for a large company and if I were them I wouldn't do that, but I don't find it offensive and I like variety and fun at my job.
Posted Tue Dec 07, 2010 10:55 AM
She could have been facing harassment charges, too. You had a case. This is not only a "woman's issue". It's an issue of inappropriate behavior by anyone, male or female. It gets more attention from women because we have been facing it since the beginning of time.
Is it possible to go overboard with it? Of course. I have no doubt there have been women who cried wolf too loudly and without good reason. But that's no reason to lose sight of the basic idea ... sexual harassment on the job simply can no longer be tolerated, and will get your ass fired.
And that's as it should be.
Posted Fri Mar 25, 2011 08:40 PM
funny thing is if he woulda just said lets grab lunch, i probly woulda as friends and who knows from there. be respectful and casual bout it.
that bein said, datin at work seems like it can bring on a whole otha thread of issues if it doesnt work out.