Posted Sat Dec 04, 2010 03:37 PM
Now, I assume she showed our mutual friend the txt cause I got a series of txts from the mutual friend saying she's emotionally confused at the moment about whether she wants to move our relationship further (we're currently really good friends). Now this is fine, but when I get online, I notice she's online but she's not sending anything at all. Now this is unusual, because she's one of the most talkative people I know.
So I asked her if she just wasn't in the mood for talking or had a lot on her mind. She replies by saying "a little of both". I then said "ok, I'll be here to talk if you need to". She replied with "we'll see". Now that hit me extremely hard. I started thinking "oh god, is she mad at me, upset at me, does she still want to be friends?". I'm sure it's without basis, but it still worried me all the same.
Flashing forward to this morning, I had a terrible sleep. Still feeling really upset, so decided to take down my emotions in a journal, which I had never done before. Helped a bit, but still worried, so I send her a txt effectively asking "are you mad at me?", no reply as of posting this. I call the mutual friend asking the same question, is she mad at me. They replied by saying that the "interest" is feeling awkward and is not sure what she is feeling, or whether its good or bad, and that i need to give her time. However, I'm still worried and feeling the physical effects of it, stomachache, etc. I just have no idea what to do.
Any advice anyone can give me? Has something similar happened to you? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
thanks much in advance
Posted Sat Dec 04, 2010 04:39 PM
If what I understood is correct, you might be able to evaluate both the relationships you have with the new girl and the mutual friend, and be more explicit about what type of relationship you expect to have with them. They obviously haven't got the point. If someone doesn't want to kiss you back, it could be more that just shyness, and you have to be prepared to accept that she may not be romantically interested in you. If the mutual friend on the other hand was expecting more, she may be obviously be very disappointed, but I gather that you may have problems reading this type of situations.
If I remember correctly, I was once in a relatively ambiguous situation like yours. I'm generally very straight forward with what I expect from people, but the other person was overanalyzing every single aspect of my communications with him, and that just led to so many misunderstandings that I ended up breaking off the friendship.
Hope this helps...
Posted Sat Dec 04, 2010 07:12 PM
But I did get an answer. kim's not mad, she just needs time to find out what she wants. She's willing to still talk and hang out, but we're staying away from anything "relationship" related while she sorts out her thoughts. I'm just hoping that I don't have to wait too long for her to sort out her thoughts, cause i really want to be with her in more than a friend kind of way.
Is there anybody on here who can help me understand what she's struggling with, what decisions she has to make, and what she has to think about? I need to know how to adjust my thinking so I don't make the same mistake twice and try to advance the relationship without her being ready.
Posted Sun Dec 05, 2010 03:02 PM
Posted Tue Dec 07, 2010 09:26 PM
Myself, if I was interested I'd kiss you (and more) but then I am older...on the other hand I'd have done that at 20 too! So you have to what I'd do with a grain of salt.
Talking is always good, communication is the key to everything! I think you need to let her know that while you like her as more then friends you are will to just be friends if that's what she wants. That's what you say, but what you actually do is woo her. Court her in other words!
Good luck with it all!
Posted Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:34 AM
It sounds to me as if she is not interested and is afraid to say so for fear of hurting your feelings. This is not the mature route to take. If she was confused (over what? something else going on in her life?) and interested, she would tell you that in definite terms. "Yes, I really like you... I am very interested in you, I just don't think I'm in the right place right now." Not just "I'm confused, I don't know if i'm interested." That is like saying "No, I'm not interested, but I don't want to hurt you or ruin our friendship." I have wanted to be held by guys when I need comfort, but that doesn't mean i'm interested in a relationship or want them to kiss me. Especially in your younger days, you don't think about the consequences or what the other person may think, you only think about what you need at the time.
Be real with her, tell her in very definitive terms that you are interested in a relationship. Tell her that you don't want to be led on if there is no interest on her end, and you would appreciate it if she would be honest with you so you don't wait. Simple. Communication is key, I know it's hard to talk to the person you have feelings for, especially in such a way... but it's really the best thing. Honesty is the best policy, remember!
At 20 years old she should be able to take it and give an honest answer. What is she so confused/unsure about???
Posted Wed Dec 08, 2010 12:13 PM
I found out her decision about what she wants to do and what was the cause of what she was going through. It seems as though any time she sees me as more than a friend, she is unable to talk to me, whereas if she only sees me as a friend, she can talk all she wants. So my theory is this, and tell me if this sounds right.
My theory is that she DOES like me, but has never had a real relationship before (unless you count a small one, but they didn't even kiss), so she's not sure how to react to people showing her genuine affection. I do think that I moved too fast though. I needed to get her used to the idea of sitting together, then after a bit, some light touching, rubbing her shoulder, etc., THEN move in for a kiss. Not all on the first encounter while facing these feelings.
So for now, we're going on as friends, then maybe in 3-6 months or so, I'll try again, and take it slower, and see how she reacts to it.