This post has been edited by mg35760: Thu Dec 09, 2010 09:28 AM
i have a sex question?
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 09:10 AM
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 09:23 AM
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 09:39 AM
But here is my short answer.
Since you can get erections, may I presume that you have some feeling? If not... I don't know how you can enjoy sex - at least in terms of your penis - other than giving giving giving. Which is very VERY enjoyable and you will be treasured. And there are other places on your body that are potential sexual sites...for your pleasure.
And since you can get an erection but cannot ejaculate or have an orgasm, certainly a woman can be pleasured by your erection.
Idk, I think I'd talk to a pro or others in your situation.
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 09:46 AM
I believe I've read some women here mentioning sex with a person like you. Apparently in one case, the guy could get an erection only after he had in injection. Of course, this is something you need to talk to your doctor about.
Do you masturbate or have actually had sex with a partner before?
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 09:53 AM
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 10:04 AM
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 10:20 AM
It was my understanding (from some Psych course years ago) that these three things are controlled from separate areas of the brain, and therefore it's possible to have a combination of any one or two of them without necessarily having the third. I hope my memory isn't faulty about this.
I guess my question to you is ... are you absolutely certain you are unable to orgasm? I don't mean to make light of your condition, or to suggest that you don't know your own body. But do you masturbate at all? Has anyone else ever masturbated you or performed oral sex on you? Do you have normal feeling in your penis?
Since sexual satisfaction is as much a mental thing as it is physical, I would think you would be able to find some sort of sexual activities that met your needs.
The best of luck to you ...
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 10:40 AM
Do you have any friends or someone that would be willing to take the time to try things with you?
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 02:14 PM
I hope I can help a little bit here, I have a friend who was married when he was 24, he was in a car accident at 27 and was left paralysed from mid chest, well just above his waist. He has full use of his upper body, just nothing from mid waist I suppose down.
When he was in hospital, the first stress he had was that his wife should leave him and find someone she could have a normal life with, well to her, their life was normal and although they would have to make adjustments, they'd make them and see what happened.
They went from strength to strength as a couple and we all admired them. Anyway, about 4 years ago we were at a party and I was sitting beside him talking. I'd had a few drinks, was feeling very brave, and complimented him on his wife, how they've coped after his accident and told him that everyone admired them. we talked about the emotional struggle they'd had and chat went to the physical changes they'd made to allow their relationship to stay good and grow more.
He said that there was a relationship/sex counseller alloted to them after a few months at their request. He wasn't able to have erections and was missing his sex life. He wanted to know if he could ever have any kind of sex life with his wife again. he said that she hadn't expressed much of an interest and assured him that she loved him and was content to cuddle and kiss.
He said they were shown different positions, alternatives to the sex they used to have, and shown foreplay techniques etc that would enable them to feel satisfied if penetration didn't take place.
He got a valve put into one of his testicles that his wife pumps up when they want to have sex and it gives him an erection.
So I asked the next question, well how do you actually have sex and how do you enjoy it if you can't feel anything or orgasm.
He told me that for him, he still feels immensely horny, its all in the mind and where he used to feel horny and have erections, he still felt horny mentally but the physical need for sex was in his heart and chest. He said he felt actual physical symptoms in these areas where he'd never felt them before. Apparantly his damaged nerves were still receiving signals from the brain but where they ended in his genitals before, they now ended in these areas.
He said that sex went to visual and emotional rather than feeling for him. His wife and he indulge in oral, she straddles his chest and he can indulge her or finger her quite comfortabley, she uses her body to stimulate him where he has full feeling, all over his tummy and chest, dry humps his arms etc, or she can sit on his ass and rub her naked body against him.
She gives him full body massages, working on his feet and legs, he cant feel this but she can and she gets a lot of pleasure from it, he gets pleasure watching her and knowing that its an expression of the love she feels for him. Really the massage is part of the routine therapy he needs but she incorporates it into their sex life.
He lives for the pleasure she gets and gives him, he loves seeing the arousal in her eyes and they kiss furiously, he can touch and stroke her all over, she just gets into positions to make that happen.
when they want to have penetrative sex or she wants to give him oral, she pumps that valve, his penis gets erect and he again gets the visual of her sucking him. He said that the turn on alone from that mentally was amazing. When she would straddle him for sex, she'd wrap her body right around him so he was getting body contact, was able to caress her nipples and pussy, her mouth etc.
so really they have a full sex life, probably a better one than any of their friends as they really want it, they have to make it happen and when they do, they totally indulge each other.
for him, orgasm is nothing, he doesn't care about it, he feels and see's everything and gets his release emotionally from the body contact, the look on his wife's face and the intimacy between them.
Sex is visual, its about inhaling the scents, hearing the sounds, indulging your senses and its not all about penetration or orgasm, it can be mind blowing to utilise all of your senses in different ways.
while he was talking about it, she came over and she was holding his hand. He broke off from talking to tell her what we were talking about and she laughed saying that she knew people wondered but not many every asked
They are in their 30's now, have been married for over 10 years and are one of the happiest couples I know, I don't see them very often, him and I talk on facebook from time to time but I love that he took the time to talk and answer my questions that night. Of course as a group we always talked sex etc, but for some reason, when he was around, we didn't. I think we were all afraid to make them feel uncomfortable or perhaps we didn't want us to feel uncomfortable. I guess we forgot that his brain wasn't damaged, it was only his body and of course he still had sex
thats what is wrong you see, many of us wonder things, but don't ask for fear of offending when in fact, there is a lot to learn.
so there is a lot of hope for you to have a full sex life, there are so many people in your situation and you should ask what help can be made available to you. there are counsellers that can and will help you, will offer alternatives to penetration and can help you consider everything that will help you enjoy sex.
This post has been edited by Duchess: Thu Dec 09, 2010 02:19 PM
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 02:42 PM
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 02:48 PM
now if I was a quieter member and not quite so pushy with my pics, then I wouldn't hesitate.
I'm going to spend a little time considering it, because we have a few wheelchair users here and this question has come up a few times, perhaps hearing from someone in that situation that manages it really well, would be a great thing to have here.
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 03:29 PM
Posted Thu Dec 09, 2010 03:52 PM
I have a friend afflicted with spina bifida and he's very fragile. I've never had sex with him,
because he's really fragile.
However, I had sex with another man who couldn't get an erection at all (and
you can). It was very enjoyable for both of us.
What we did, as I recall: we kissed a lot, to begin with. I've introduced him to tongue kissing,
because he had never kissed a girl (only lightly on the lips). We sucked each other tongues,
we licked each other tongues, we sucked and bit each other's lips.
While doing that, I've massaged his body with my hands, and I licked his neck, arms, torso.
He wanted to try having an erection and I did all I could to stimulate his penis/balls, with my
hands, boobs, bum and mouth. But he really can't have an erection.
He wanted to try oral sex on me and he did it. I've showed him my clit and told him a bit of what to
do and I had my first orgasm with him, with his tongue. While he was licking my clit, I was
laying on top of him (he was sitting on a comfy armchair), facing up, a little upside down, and
I've massaged his chest with my butts, moving up and down.
I've helped him to get to the floor and he was laying face down. I've massaged his back, neck,
head and arms with my hands, arms, my boobs, my tongue. I've licked him. He really enjoyed
this play and I did it for a very long time.
He wanted to feel my pussy from inside, while I was having an orgasm, so, I knelt beside him,
on the floor, with him laying on his back, and he fingered me. I came for him, his fingers inside my
pussy. He liked it a lot, too, so, we did it again a few times.
I rode his face and came again. I licked his body, sucked his nipples (I'm not a nipple person, but
I did enjoy it with him, because I was feeling very hot).
Hope it helps.
Posted Sat Dec 11, 2010 11:29 AM