She's tongue tied when she thinks about more
Posted Mon Jan 10, 2011 12:28 PM
I really do like her, a lot, and would love to move further, but I suspect that I made the stupid mistake of moving too fast last time. It basically went from friend gossip that we would be good together to us talking about how we had thought about it, to me trying to move in for a kiss in about 72 hours or so. So I suspect I moved to fast, and am slowing it down big time, though it pains me to have to do so.
Is this the right way for me to approach this or do you have any other suggestions?
Thanks in advance.
Posted Mon Jan 10, 2011 03:04 PM
I don't believe many women are interested in being a piece on a checkerboard. Very few men who really look at and listen to the woman in front of them can ever move too fast, because what happens between you will be a natural, logical development, based on what's there, not what the man wants to be there.
A kiss, for instance, is something that the two of you share, not something to be taken from her. A man will know when a woman wants to share a kiss with him. If he doesn't know, let her kiss him - if his ego can take it - then he'll know for certain that she's ready.
Instead of moving in on her, just be there. Make her feel that being with her, not getting on her, is what you want. Let her trust you, trust you to give her whatever time she needs to make the decision to share herself with you. If a woman can't find the words, she usually hasn't made up her mind.
There are women who don't need any time for such a decision; if you don't want to wait, one of them is sure to be available. But if this one is the one you want, then treat her like the unique person she is, and do not force her into some arbitrary timetable.
I'm betting she'll be worth the wait...
This post has been edited by ScottyWright: Mon Jan 10, 2011 03:06 PM
Posted Mon Jan 10, 2011 03:59 PM
Dont push her !!!!,some women like pushy men,some don't and some like my gf dig their heels in cos they're stubborn as f@€k !!!!
She gets tongue tied when you mention anything more so getting pushy will only heighten how she feels.
Just drop it for the moment,she knows how you feel n what you want so and for whatever reason its not straight forward for her.Maybe she's not interested but doesnt know how to tell you,perhaps she's nervous at the thought of going any further.there could be any number of reasons only she knows for sure
just spend time with her,get to know her better and enjoy her company without an agenda with it.
As i said she knows how you feel but seems that she may not so give her the time to decide for herself.
She prob needs to know that youre interest isnt conditional.
Posted Mon Jan 10, 2011 07:27 PM
Then people started talking. They were saying how we have so much in common (and we do) and how we would be good together. After hearing so many people talk I was talking to her about it, and she said that she has thought about it. So I'm thinking we're golden, and start talking to her about potential relationship stuff. Then, either the next day or the day after, I go and visit her to hang out (nothing intended, just hang out time) and we watch a movie. After the movie when she's ready, i'm standing with her and trying to give her a kiss, it was just spontaneous, but I did. She shied away at that point, and we hung out for the rest of the day, but when it comes to saying goodbye for the day, we said goodbye, and I didn't hear anything from her for about a day. I find out that she was feeling that she can't talk to me if she thinks of me as anything more than a good friend.
Now, to the present, I'm pulling it waaaay back, and I have been showing that I want to hang out with her, it hasn't had anything to do with the potential relationship. I have slipped subtle clues that I'm still interested, but its hard to tell whether she's still interested that way or not. I have been genuinely interested in her and spending time with her, but at the same time, I'm still interested in advancing the relationship. If there is anything I can do (without manipulating her) to help her get over her timidity, I'll do it. And as always, I'd appreciate any help you can give.
Posted Tue Jan 11, 2011 02:15 PM
be upfront that you would like to talk to her about you two and the feelings you have for her
take her to dinner and have the discussion and explain where you are at and if she would be interested in spending more time alone to see if the relationship developes
if she say that she can not think of you in that way let it go and be friends
she could still turn around and at that time ask you out or tell you she is ready to try a step farther
so often close friends of opposite sex one feels there is an interest while the other see it as very good friends
I hope this helps
Posted Wed Jan 12, 2011 01:31 PM
This post has been edited by eschaef: Wed Jan 12, 2011 01:30 PM
Posted Wed Jan 12, 2011 02:05 PM
This post has been edited by eschaef: Wed Jan 12, 2011 02:07 PM
Posted Wed Jan 12, 2011 05:39 PM
You have no chance of making it as a couple if you can't entertain yourselves for a half hour or so.
Also, you need to date her, not try to kiss her. Show her a good time as well as your good qualities. Kisses will come in time if there is attraction.
Posted Thu Jan 13, 2011 12:01 AM
Posted Fri Jan 14, 2011 03:29 PM
I know you've had these feelings for a while, but I think it's pretty rare for a girl to change her mind once she's effectively said not interested (which is what has happened). Personally I know within a couple minutes of meeting somebody if I would ever be interested or not. It's pretty rare for me to gain interest by getting to know them, pretty common to lose interest by getting to know them. Think of your own experience.
However - you know the situation and girl - trust yourself, but do take my caution under advisement.
Posted Tue Jan 18, 2011 09:27 AM
I confronted her about the status of our budding relationship yesterday. I was just up-front and told her "I need to ask you something, and please don't take this the wrong way, but is there any way of it working between us?" She said that the last time I did something that reached over that "just friends" barrier, she had no problem talking to me about it and had no problem thinking about it.
I am soooo psyched about this and so relieved that she told me this. I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment and was very glad for her being honest with me. She does have a few minor thoughts she needs to work through to jump over the "just friends" barrier herself, but its back on track, and I hope to be able to come back soon saying that I have a new girlfriend.
Thanks to all who offered help. I really appreciate all that people do to help on this forum. I know it takes time out of your day, and I, and everybody else who asks for help, really appreciate it.