Couples and Money Is an expectation of sharing savings unreasonable btwn married couples
Posted Mon Jan 10, 2011 08:35 PM
But then I realized that I had the opposite reaction when told about a couple I was acquainted with. He apparently wouldn't share his wealth with his wife. She was required to make her own money. I thought that was dispicable.
I am alarmed to discover I have an apparent double standard.
What are your thoughts?
Posted Mon Jan 10, 2011 08:50 PM
I sold my house to go live with him, paid off his debts with proceed's from my house, we opened a joint bank account for household bills and once he was working, we then kept our personal accounts each. We got a joint credit card. So when we got paid, we put half of the bill money into the household account and what we have left in our personal accounts is our own money.
I wouldn't see him saving for something if I could buy it and he wouldn't see me stuck either, however, I always felt that I had more as I had it before our marriage. If we'd bought a property together, I'd have paid the lions share as i'd have the deposit and would consider it our joint marital home, so there already my views contradict themselves.
Money should never be a weapon in a relationship and as most marriages split over finances, I think its very important that they are discussed and sorted prior to the marriage.
I never had a full joint account with my husband as I didnt feel that buying him presents etc with money from our joint funds is right, and also if we wanted to surprise one and other, its pretty hard with only a joint account
Posted Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:34 PM
Equals not leeches.
Posted Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:37 PM
Posted Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:50 PM
the only thing that is not both of ours is our 401k retirement accts. and that only because you can not add spouce to acct. must be put in a will who gets it
pay checks go in one check, bills paid from one checking, house is put in an OR contract example joe OR Jane Doe this way if one would die the title is in both names and the OR says either caqn sign the paper work If its in one name Joe Doe and Joe dies Janes got to go thru court to get it changed into her name to sign papers
lawyers are always happy the last way
Posted Tue Jan 11, 2011 03:15 AM
It's a matter of trust damn it. Why would I live with someone I didn't trust? I'm pretty decent myself in terms of money... I make my own anyway and I live quite modestly, so I don't feel the need to dig somebody else's pockets.
Posted Tue Jan 11, 2011 09:33 PM
Money is an important thing in marriage, but it can not effect your happiness.
Posted Wed Jan 12, 2011 02:50 PM
Posted Wed Jan 12, 2011 03:52 PM
Because people change, or at least they should. I know that you are very satisfied in your relationship, but not everybody is like you. Sometimes, a person can just grow and change in such a way that their partner is no longer a good fit. Should that person be forced to stay in a relationship that is no longer satisfying just because they've combined all their finances and has no money to leave?
What if her partner has a late onset of a mental illness and begins abusing her and her children? Should she stay?
What if she ends up like my mother, and is sick and knows she's dying but also knows that her husband watching her die will break him? Should she stay even though she has three children who will need a father after she's gone?
You can't predict what the future holds. That's why you buy insurance for your house, cars, health, etc. Why not have one more policy that could protect yourself and your happiness and your children?
This post has been edited by wouchgirl: Wed Jan 12, 2011 03:56 PM
Posted Wed Jan 12, 2011 04:45 PM
One thing that I never shared was inheritance money. I am very sorry, but that stays in my blood line and no partner will have a say to what I do with it. If I receive money from my family, I keep it for my children and no partner will have access to it. It's happened, the husband didn't like it... Too bad.
Lottery winnings, not that I'll ever win any, I'll share not only with a partner, but my family and my friends; and I still will hold the only say on what to do with it.
Posted Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:44 PM
And in my case Olive, I had no problem shareing my inheritance with my wife. I believe when we married, we became one, whats good for me is good for her and vice versa. But thats me.
Thanks for validating my point. While it may be rare, it does happen. And I already told you that everybody's situation is different. My mom left my dad for our benefit, and I sincerely believe that she did what was best for OUR family. May not have been what's best for YOUR family, but I never said it was.
I have car insurance. Does that mean that I plan on crashing my car? No, it means that shit happens and if I crashed my car, then I would have some measure of protection. Same with health insurance. Having health insurance doesn't mean I'm going to do nothing to keep myself healthy. I still have to eat right and exercise if I want to be healthy, but that won't protect me against all forms of illness. Cancer runs in my family, and even though I can take steps to help prevent it, I can not stop it from happening if it's going to happen. Same goes for relationships. If I want mine to work, I'm going to have to put in the effort to make it work. But does that guarantee that it will? Absolutely not.
Now, would you want your daughter to move in with a man without any kind of safety net?
This post has been edited by wouchgirl: Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:47 PM
Posted Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:14 PM
If you had a previous savings prior to marriage, on either the man or woman's part, i don't feel the spouse is entitled to it, and it is a great start to a savings for both parties.
Posted Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:59 PM
Posted Thu Jan 13, 2011 03:35 AM
Posted Thu Jan 13, 2011 12:58 PM
And my daughter has a safety net, it's called family.
As far as your daughter is concerned, not all women have the luxury of a good family, and even if they did, they're often too embarrassed to move back home.
Posted Fri Jan 14, 2011 03:20 PM
Posted Sat Jan 15, 2011 10:33 PM
Because people and situations can change and too often women have a more difficult time because in our society they often still don't have the same earning power as men.
Posted Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:37 AM