How much does a person give? one sided relationships
Posted Fri Jan 14, 2011 03:39 PM
It may be a little different if he actually made me feel like he desires me, not just screwing me. I am not an ugly woman. He gets pissed when other men hit on me, but he never does anymore. I guess I smother him when I want to cuddle him or say I love you. I simply want some attention from my hubby. I want to feel desired. He does love me, I believe. But he used to be affectionate, not anymore unless he wants sex. Now it is a grope or something to that effect. I want romance now and again. I am soooo bored of having sex the way he wants.
I always have to do what he wants. I have to make him happy. I have to do things for him. Well I was under the impression that a relationship is mutual giving and taking. Not one person giving and the other taking. I worry about making him happy and he worries about getting his! It wasnt always this way. He used to do things for me just because he loved me. No relationship is exactly 50/50, but the 90/10 isnt working.
I hated sex until I met him. He used to be soo amazing. The hours of enjoying each other and each others bodies and being. Now I have to dominate him and get him off. He didnt even notice that there have been quite a few times lately that I didnt get any enjoyment out of the sex. Maybe the talk today will put things back into perspective for us, and maybe not. I just have a hard time giving when I get nothing back.
So any advice, ideas, tips, encouragement or anything else out there? I want my husband back. We used to use the bondage thing to spice things up now and again, now it is all he wants and enjoys. And I am bored of that. I would never stray from the relationship, but I have needs too.
Posted Fri Jan 14, 2011 04:22 PM
Posted Fri Jan 14, 2011 06:40 PM
for example: this weekend you had his bdsm session, but next weekend you have your fantisies fofilled by him. During the week you can have quickies and normal sex sessions if you like with no other activities other than just being with each other.
I have heard that on one podcast that the hosts have 1 month a year where couples make a packed to have sex every day for a month. no excuses no exceptions and from that they say the learn how get some time together every day with each other.
if he continues to not support your needs, professional help may be needed, but if your going out of your way to make him happy, he should be doing the same for you.
relationships, like sex are a two way street, and are always better with both parties involved and enjoying the ride.
Posted Fri Jan 14, 2011 09:55 PM
Posted Sat Jan 15, 2011 03:31 AM
Posted Sat Jan 15, 2011 04:49 AM
I'm done with BDSM for a while. I don't enjoy it, it does not help me get satisfied, and ever since you've gotten into it, you've forgotten the kinds of things that made me feel good, made me happy. So, until you can remember what romance and cuddling and gentle touches and exploring my body with your eyes and hands and tongue meant to me, the answer to yet another session of bondage is
I'm all for doing some things to please my partner, but I will never agree to do something I simply do not like. For example, I'm an exit-only kinda guy. If my partner decides that she's into wearing a strap-on and drilling a man from behind, she needs to find another behind. I'm also not into slapping or spanking my partners, or cursing at them, or pissing on them. If she feels these are things she needs, she will have to get them somewhere else.
You are a woman, not a blow-up doll. You are his wife, not his paid call girl for the night (and, by the way, even call girls set their own limits on what they choose not to do). You two have other things to share beyond sex; if these things are important to you, by all means work at keeping your marriage alive and well.
But do not under any circumstances tell yourself or us that you are some kind of victim in your own home. Claim your rightful position in the household, or find another household.
If you say 'yes' when everything inside you screams 'no', the only one who is victimizing you is you.