I've been made to feel like a freak!
Posted Wed Jan 19, 2011 02:19 PM
I asked my ex what she thought about us giving swinging a go.
After I tried to explain myself, she was horrified, shocked and hurt. She was hurt because she thought that she was not enough for me and I just wanted to fuck other women.
That was so not the case as she was the best I have ever been with in a sexual way.
I had read the signs all wrong, I believed she was as open minded as me. It was all very well talking about threesomes (MMF) while we were doing it, that was a big turn on, in reality threesomes and swinging was a closed door. I got it so wrong that it eventually ended the relationship.
She wondered why I had never suggested swinging to any previous girlfriends, so why her? Was she so crap in bed that I needed other people?
No way!!! She was fantastic in bed but convincing her of this now is impossible. I do understand where she is coming from though.
All of this has had a knock on mental effect on me though. It has made me feel like a freak. Some sort of weirdo because I do not know anybody personally who is as open or like minded as me. On the other hand I do know that there are plenty people out there like me. My search brought me here.
I need a place where I fit in, a place where I can chat to like minded friends. I'm still hurting over losing my girl but I need to make sense of my own state of mind.
I am not a jealous person at all. I find the whole world of swinging and threesomes incredibly interesting, exciting and fun. Such a natural thing to do. Am I really so wrong?
Posted Wed Jan 19, 2011 02:32 PM
Next time probe before asking. Say something about an X person or couple who does that to see what her reaction is. Last thing you want to do is to make her feel that you're testing her limits. Personally, I do loose interest in men who start asking for all sorts of things before I've become completely comfortable with the idea. Always one step at a time.
Posted Wed Jan 19, 2011 09:41 PM
Perhaps she'll come round if you talk to her about it again and tell her its something you've always wanted to explore and she was the only girl you felt comfortable bringing it up with.
Posted Thu Jan 20, 2011 03:51 AM
Posted Thu Jan 20, 2011 11:19 AM
Posted Sat Jan 22, 2011 09:04 PM
I would have a flying cow if my man asked me about 3somes/swinging outside of our fantasy play..its weird but its true..and even he has said the same thing..that no way would he want to share in real life..not sure if hes just saying that as hes gotten fairly sharp about me and isnt about to say anything he thinks might set me off
but theres lots of people out there that its within their comfort zone to try a life like that. just isnt for me. I think its awesome that people can get past jealousy/fear of not being enough.. but no way in hell would I be able too.
Posted Fri Apr 01, 2011 06:45 PM
Agreed!! Truth is there is no such thing as "normal", everyone has their own quirks.
Normal is a pipedream, sorry that happened to ya dude. Good luck!
Posted Tue Apr 12, 2011 04:05 AM
The swinging scene in the UK, Europe and the US is massive, so if you are a freak then so are millions of others, and yes, I do mean millions!
Going down the swinging route is very dangerous as it is so difficult to get the timing right.
When we were first married I would fantasize about a threesome or a foursome, but that is as far as I would have wanted it to go. If my wife had suggested it in the early years of our marriage then I would have freaked out. Was I crap in bed? Did she not love me anymore? At 21 years of age I was not ready for something so outrageous.
The thought of my wife sucking another cock was not for me!
But as time passed, trust builds, and more experiments in the bedroom happened. Then, with the internet and programs on the television, swinging became somthing that was obviouslly really happening, so it became less of a taboo and something that everyone new was happening regularly.
So I brought up the subject, but not during sex, as everything is horny during sex. But I was very careful. I simply said "do you ever think you would try swinging" she said no. So i said that a didn't think it was for me either. But the seed was planted in her mind. I then brought the subject up again a couple of years later, and she said maybe.
I still didn't think she ever would but another couple of years later, after watching a show on swinging, we both decided to look into it.
Swinging sites are great, you can find people identical to yourself, ie, complete novices. Arrange a meet where the four of your agree that it is just for a drink and nothing else. And that is exactly what we did. But meeting a new couple, knowing the conversation would turn to sex was really erotic. You can really talk about your thoughts with another couple.
After meeting three couples, we finally decided to go for it. It was just fantastic. Both the wife and I love slightly different things the best, me, I love seeing her give blow jobs to another bloke and going down on a woman, while she loves to see me come with another woman.
But the secret is timing and deciding to go into the scene with a view to NOT HAVING SEX. this approach takes the stress away. We went to three swinging parties and only had sex with ourselves. It was still fantastic. The fourth swinging party we had sex all over the place.
You need good ground rules that neither of you break, but can amend as time goes on. I never tried to pursuade her, she always new that what ever happened was down to her and that I would never ever get annoyed. I would sugest things and if she said no, she new I would not complain or even show disappointment.
We were in the scene for six years and haven't done it for the last six years, but we may do it again, but we are now approaching 50 so probably not.
I hope your relationship survives and perhaps over time she will want to try it. But the timing has to be perfect. When we got married I never ever thought she would ever do it, and seeing her sucking one coke while be fucked from behind was just great. Most of our swinging was with two other couples at the same time, so just about all things are possible, you just need the imagination.
Swinging was great for us but get it wrong, like one person doesn't want it, then it can destroy relationship.
Best of Luck